Wow. Are we really in December? This year flew by so quickly I don't even know what to say. This year was not one of my favorites to say the least. Actually the only thing great that came from this year was having my daughter in September and my man getting a new job that pays pretty well. For the majority of this year, it was hell on wheels for us. I mean, financial burdens, car broke down, losing jobs, catching COVID. I mean, it was just too much. Things did turn around though and I can say it's been smooth sailing for the last 3 months. I thank God that he allowed us to make it through this year alive. We got some bumps, bruises, and scars but we made it through. Lately things have been great as far as kids and my relationship. My babygirl is smiling and laughing now and getting so big! My son is about to be 6 next week and is growing up so fast on me. The other day his teacher told me he knows all his letters, their sounds, and he's beginning to read! He's been bringing home books from his reading group and he's able to read the entire thing to me. I think that is so amazing. Watching your child grow is something so beautiful, but terrifying at the same time. We blink our eyes and all of the sudden they're adults. Crazy.
Mentally, I am not doing the best. I always go through these rough mental health patches and I really hate that it happens, but it's life. I've learned to at least try to embrace when this happens. I've learned that maybe I need to sit with these feelings and thoughts and maybe figure out why I am feeling that way instead of trying to ignore it. I have been stressing about going back to work on the 13th. Am I happy to have two incomes finally? Hell yes! But I strongly dislike my position at my company. It is depressing and I am ready for something new. I really would like a new job because I should not dread going back to work this hard when I don't even have to leave my house to get there! Obviously, this job is not what my heart wants. Today I expressed to Jeremy that I am just wondering about our life long term. We decided we probably aren't going to put our baby girl in daycare and she more than likely is going to be homeschooled. We decided this before we even had a child. With that, comes scarifies. Even though I work from home, that does not mean my house can be a daycare as well. So it worries me for the very near future on how things will play out with a baby/toddler and a work from home job. Also, once she is supposed to start school what will we do financially so that I can stay home with her and teach her? I know it's about another 3-4 years, but that time will come sooner than we know it. We really agree that family is more important than anything and so are our kids. Yes, social interaction is great for kids but at what cost? The world is literally going to hell in a hand basket and most of us know it. Most of us can feel it. But we ignore it. We don't say it aloud. The thing is we don't want to expose our child to things that we don't want her to learn, period. My son started out in daycare at 18 months and he has been in school. He LOVES school. Since he has already had the chance to experience I don't think I'd have the heart to pull him out and homeschool him. However, depending on how he starts to grow and learn, that decision may have to be made. This world is made for homeschooling parents now. So many homeschool groups to be apart of and awesome curriculums you can purchase. When you decide to homeschool your children you're making a financial sacrifice 9/10, but you are choosing right in the long run. I don't judge, though. Not everyone has the means and not everyone agrees and that's ok! But as for me and my family, we strongly believe in homeschooling. So, I am preparing my heart and mind to take on that role for my daughter and possibly my son in the future. My babies are so important and the things they learn will be the things that they carry with them. I would rather myself and Jeremy be the most influential people in their lives and not complete strangers.
Anyway, throw in a bottle of wine about 3 nights a week, binging on old shows, and losing my mind from lack of sleep, that is my life lately in a nutshell.
I love you all, thanks for reading.
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