Take me Back to 2020, Yeah, I said it...

People may not understand what I mean by "Take me back to 2020" and that's okay. We all have had different experiences, and that is ok too. But, I am going to go on and talk about what makes me regret screaming for 2020 to be over so soon. I may sound like I am rambling because I am tipsy, but we gone act like I know exactly what I am talking about... K? K. 

2020 had so much value for me. For others it may have been the biggest suck fest of their life. But for me? It changed my life in ways that I would never take back. When 2020 first started, I was in the planning phase of making the biggest move of my life to New Orleans. As I've already spoken about, New Orleans has my heart in so many different ways that one probably wouldn't understand. But, New Orleans for me was my growth and that city will forever have a piece of me. But prior to the move, I was so excited for my future. Jeremy and I were in such an amazing space and we were so ready to move in together and start our lives together. There was so much hope at the beginning of 2020, more hope than I've ever had in life. 2020 was the start of a new decade. A new chapter. It was the start of something new and fresh. My plans were to go back to school, find a job in a lively place full of good vibes and southern hospitality, and find my son a good school for him to attend. Things were going to be so good and I was ready for it. Along with being with the love of my life. Jeremy made me feel so safe and so secure in my decision to move. I came to terms with the fact that I would no longer be up under my parents and I was excited for that!  I was 23, turning 24 that year and I had the world at my feet. I was the girl living her dream. Middle school sweetheart came back into my life, I was about to move to a very unique city that held weight in the hearts of my man, my mom, and my papa (rest his soul), I had my baby boy by my side, everything was perfect. And you know what? Contrary to what you may think, none of that went away once Covid hit. Seriously. I think 2020 was the last year of my life where my hope and faith was the strongest. Where I felt completely secure. Where I felt safe. Now that the world has turned upside down and I finally see that things will never be the same, that safe feeling I had is long gone. EVEN with Covid, at that time, we all probably just thought it was a virus and yeah it's bad, but we will be okay. I remember when Trump got on the TV and said that we needed to quarantine for 3 weeks to slow the curve or whatever it was. I remember the ram shacked selves. I remember driving and it looking like a ghost town. I remember having an uneasy feeling. But that time was probably my happiest and safest. Now that we all know what's really going on, all of this change is so much more than Covid. Since the end of 2020, things have not been the same in this world and never will be. That is why that feeling of safety and comfort is gone. Because I watched the world completely change before my eyes. Every year since 2020 shit has gotten worse in this world and I am NOT here for it. Do you hear me? NOT! Back in 2020, shit had not really set in. I think we all were just living off of hope and our faith in the Most High, if you're a believer. It felt like yeah things are bad now, but soon it will be ok. And life showed us that, that is not the case. I just want that hope back. I just want to feel like things will be ok again...
I truly miss the hope that I had that year. I don't know that I will ever get that back....