stop giving people the recipe to hurt you | sunday coffee talk

We all want to be vulnerable right? We all want somebody who we can be completely naked with in all the ways. We want somebody who won't take advantage of our kindness, our weaknesses, our hope and dreams. 
We all hurt differently, we all love differently and that is what makes the game of Love so challenging. If we all loved the same and hurt the same we would know what not to do to the other person. OR exactly what to do... See, there is a reason we are all not supposed to love the same. The way we love can hurt us in a way that we cannot come back from and the way we hurt, can hurt the people we love and/or that love us in a way they cannot come back from. It is all a vicious cycle and in the end we all end up just hurting each other.
The issue with a lot of people is we think that if we open up our self like a blooming flower that the other person will submit and love us the way we love them. Well, I am here to tell you that that is complete bullshit. I am sorry. 
If you continue to open yourself up wide like a flower you will lose at this game called love. Allow yourself to have depth. Allow yourself to have substance. Allow yourself to have LAYERS. Do not apologize for having layers. Do not apologize for making people have to prove themselves to you first. We are at WAR and love is THE battlefield. It isn't just a battlefield, it's THE battle field. We are all fighting for love, affection, attention. At all times we are fighting for love. When you're alone and single, you're fighting your own self to love yourself. You battle daily with you doubts, your insecurities, your negative thoughts about yourself. You want to love yourself, but a lot of times it's hard, so you're battling yourself. When you're in a relationship, you're fighting for that person to love you the way YOU want to be loved, you want them to let you love them all the way and not just part of the way. You even fight for love in your family relationships. Maybe your mom shows more love and attention to the prodigy of the family. Maybe your dad is harder on you than anyone else and you want them to love you with more compassion.  Regardless where we are in life, we are all fighting for love. LOVE is THE battlefield. So, with that, with knowing that we are at war for a good portion of our lives, the last thing we need to do is allow somebody to have the recipe to hurt us. Do not surrender, until you know for sure that this person no matter who they are, deserves that. Playing the victim in the relationship does not hold weight, even though we think it does, it does not. Weakness does not win and only the strong survive. Protect your feelings and your heart. Peel back the layers of who you are only when that part of you is ready to be released. If you open yourself up all at once, what is the other person fighting for? You have to give that person something to fight for you have to challenge them. When you open up yourself and you show people which buttons to push, when you show people where you hurt, when you show people what makes you weak, they use it. Even the best of the best person will hurt you at some point if you give them that recipe. People only do what you allow and how can you expect them to do anything different, from what you you've allowed them to learn about you. I have suffered from this all my life. I've opened up my whole heart, my whole self. I put my feelings in a envelope and put that other person's address smack dab in the middle and sent that shit off like nothing. It is NOT o.k. 
Be smart, love, but be smart about it. You can love somebody without opening up your complete heart and soul to them. Leave some room for yourself. Love yourself too, because when you lose yourself in a person because you've given them your all, where are you in that equation? They can see that you are no longer your own person. You've given yourself to them, you're their puppy now. They have the recipe to who you are and with that, they can literally control everything about you. They can make you cry, happy, sad, mad all in the same day. Do you want that? I didn't think so. Trust me just the same as you don't want that, that other person does not want it either. Who wants somebody who is easy? People love a challenge regardless of what anyone says, people love a challenge. They love a thrill and if you're not that, you're going to get ran over and stepped on. 
Play the game with your head and not your heart. Your heart does not think, it feels and we as a people who are supposed to be fighters cannot fight with our feelings. When you're out on a playing field, is it your heart or your mind that is making the moves? You heart may have got you there, but it is your mind that is navigating. Allow your mind to take you through this love game and allow your heart to love, but not be weak. Love, but be smart. Love, but understand the game. Love, but also love yourself. Love, but don't sell yourself short. 

Peace out ya'll.