Welcome, December✨
Cheaper Female Maintenance Self-Care Options & How to Allocate Your Taxes for a Smooth 2023
Well, Hi! It's me. LOL. Sometimes getting ideas for my lifestyle and motherhood page is hard because to be honest ya'll, I am really winging this shit just like everyone else. So, if you have any suggestions please text me or DM me on IG! But, I figured this would be a great topic since we are coming up on a new year and tax season! So, lets tap in.
I won't go into detail amount how much money we make, just know we make enough to make sure my family and I are living a good life. However, inflation is inflating and it seems like a never ending cycle of living pay check to pay check. I will be completely transparent and say that I am horrible sometimes about spending money/saving money. I make sure all of my bills are paid and then once that is done, there I go swiping my card or seeing something new on Amazon. It's a terrible habit and I am lucky that I have a spouse who hoards money unless he sees something that we absolutely need. I know, I know. Why would you take budgeting advice from a person who can't save money? LOL. Well, I have you know that I can put together a lovely budget, and I am always looking at ways to have more money in my pocket while also keeping up with my female maintenance. So, I do have a few options if you are on a strict budget like me.
Maintenance Options:
- Nails. Okay, so this one is a taboo topic for some odd reason because nobody knows how to mind their own damn business. Why people are so worried about what other people do with their nails or if they get the cheaper version of a manicure or full set is truly beyond me. I have a nail tech, shout out to my auntie Allusive! However, she is 45 minutes across town and sometimes it makes it hard for me to get over there so in the between times when I am not seeing her, I get press ons. Yes, you read right, call me cheap, I really don't care. Press ons have changed the game for me. I started using them in January of this 2022 and I haven't looked back. I can't tell you the last time I let the nail salon do my nails. For one, I love supporting small businesses, second, who's not going to pay over $50 for a full set is me. It's not something that is that important to me and even if it was, I cannot afford to spend that much money on my nails and that is OK! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about how you are keeping up with yourself. As long as you're doing so, that's all that matters! CVS and Walgreens are the best places to get the KISS brand nails and I am telling you, my nails stay on for AT LEAST a week which is a win for me. The nails are under 10$ and it comes with enough to do another set after the first set gets weak. DOUBLE WIN!
-Waxing. So, I used to get my eyebrows, lip, and chin waxed faithfully. I take my eyebrows very seriously and I make sure they are always looking good. However, I recently discovered that I can wax my own face. No, I didn't just learn about home waxing, but I thought I'd never be able to do it, or I'd mess my eyebrows up which I absolutely cannot afford to do, LOL. But, I stuck my neck out there and I put a little faith in myself and who would've guessed! I do a great job! I have been waxing my own eyebrows, lip and chin for the past 2 months now and I am loving it! So, I need to get a new wax pot because the one I have is super cheap from Amazon and I will link it: Wax Kit . It's easy to use and it melts great, but I don't like how stringy the wax is sometimes. I also could be doing it wrong, who knows, lol. However, it does the job and I am happy with the results. This saves me almost $80 a month just by doing my own!
-Facials/Body Care. So, I have never received a professional facial, it is on my to-do list. However, I love being able to add in face care to my self care nights! There are so many different face mask options for you that you can whip up from the ingredients in your kitchen. I found this one website a while ago and I've used almost every concoction on here, so I will link it for ya! DIY Face Masks . Adding this to your self care routine/spa night at home on top of the waxing and nails? I promise you, you will feel like you are having a true spa experience. Add in your wine and bubble bath, and it's a winner!
Once you are all set with your perfect spa night that did not hurt your pockets, please make sure to lather up with my favorite body butter ever! Butter Soufflé by Works of London. Honestly every night I look forward to lathering up with the body butter after a shower, but on a self care night, it's even more exquisite! I will link her website here so you can purchase a jar and shop small! Works of London Website .
Okay, so that's really all I have right now for the ways to do your up keep on a budget! As far as Brazilian Waxes, yeah, I would recommend spending what you currently do because who's not about to wax my own vajayjay is me. LOL.
Now, lets get into how to allocate your income tax in a way that will be beneficial to you! I am not a financial advisor and I am not a professional in any way when it's dealing with money, trust me. But, I can offer up some tips!
I know that we all love to spend aimlessly when we get our income tax and as lovely as it is, in these times, it is not smart. I want to make sure that this year I maximize my income tax so that I can allow myself to have more money in my pocket throughout the year. Because I am horrible about saving, I don't want to put half of my income tax in savings and hope that I don't touch it. That will not work for me. Now, maybe it could work for you and if so, do that! However, I do not operate that way, LOL. So, I want to allocate what I can, and then put what I can in separate savings accounts for different things instead of having everything in one account.
So, lets start with that since we are on the topic. SAVINGS/SPECIFIC ACCOUNTS. I already have two savings accounts opened for my kids but I also want me and Jeremy to have our own savings accounts which we are currently looking into. We want to have our own savings accounts for our own personal needs and also one savings account for a home/piece of land one day. Make sure you add something to a personal savings for yourself. Even if it's only $500, start somewhere. This will make you feel good knowing that you have some type of savings for your own personal needs. Also, create an emergency fund. Put a lumpsum in there at income tax time and then throughout the year add a little bit that you can monthly to it. It's not a savings account for your home, your car, etc. It's an emergency fund, for emergencies only! This absolutely cannot be touched unless there is an emergency. Always keep this separate from your regular savings account because what happens is, you end up using your personal savings for emergencies and then you feel defeated and you will want to just stop saving all together, trust me, I've been there. Now, if you absolutely have to dip into your personal, then you have no control over that. But try to keep these accounts separate. I also have a savings account open for car emergencies/maintenance/gas as well and I will fund that account too. So things like new tires, oil changes, things like that can come out of that account. I wouldn't call it a savings account, but it's a specific account for specific things that are just for our cars. Now, I know you're probably thinking that's too many accounts and that's cool. Again, I am not an advisor but I do know that when I keep things separate, it helps me manage better. For me, Capital One has the best system for checking and savings accounts because they are simple to open and easy to use/transfer money to different accounts.
Next, BACK TO SCHOOL FUND. Oh, how I have hated the back to school time in recent years because before I became more financially stable, I have always been so broke around school time and scrambling to find nice clothes and supplies. Not this year, mama is prepared! Shout out to my BFF Kay who started telling me to take advantage of sales and having a fund for the back to school time. Even though I've been a mom for 6 years, I still learn everyday better ways to keep up with what's important. Take a portion of your income tax and set aside money specifically for back to school time. You will feel so much better and you will not have to worry during the months of July and August about anything school related because you already have the money for it!
STOCK UP ON TOILETRIES, CLEANING SUPPLIES, and MEDICAL SUPPLIES and PAY ANNUAL BILLS THAT CAN BE PAID ON AN ANNUAL BASIS. Get enough to last some months! This really helps trust me I've done it before and didn't have to buy toilet paper for over 6 months. Now, I know this may seem like oh, these things aren't that expensive, but I am telling you, it adds up throughout the year. It really does. Knowing that oh this month we don't need to buy toiletries because we have enough, helps. That 100$ that you were about to spend on toiletries and cleaning supplies can now either be saved or spent on a nice day out with the family. So things like toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning supplies, toothbrushes, toothpaste, sponges, soap, medicine, first aid kids, medicine for the kids, vitamins, all that stuff! Get a good amount and stock up as much as you can or as much as the space in your home allows so that you can not have to worry about that stuff for a while. Also, streaming services and things that have annual pay, do that! I paid my amazon for an entire year last year and that has been one less bill coming out of my account. Most of all of the streaming services have annual payments! Check everything that you pay that may offer annual payments and go ahead and make that payment. That will also add to some extra money in your pockets during the year! Now, I would say pay your rent up as well, and do that if you can without going broke, but that is not what I will be doing. My rent alone is over $1300 so I will pass on that, LOL. If you have a car note and you want to pay a little over while you have your income tax, make sure to pay it at the same time as your regular monthly bill that month and do not split the payments. Thank me later and shout out to my auntie for providing that tip to me.
DEBT. How could I forget about debt? LOL! This obviously goes without saying and I'm sure I didn't have to say it, but please make sure you pay off some if not all of those debts you have. I cannot stress to you how long I've been waiting to have the money to pay off credit cards/loans that I have outstanding. It is so important to have good credit especially in today's world. I really have not known much about how credit works since I was 18, but I have been learning more and more by doing my research. All I know is I've seen denied too many times and it's because my credit is all jacked up. It's best to go ahead and knock that off so you can work on making sure your credit is worthy.
INVEST. This will be short because I know jack shit about investing, but my mom is trying to show me the ropes, shout out to her! If you can learn what you can about investing, make sure you take parts of that as well. Even if it's just a small amount, get started on the generational wealth.
INVEST IN YOURSELF/YOUR BUSINESS. This is for my entrepreneurs out there and people who are working on things for themselves that may require payments that are larger than what you may be able to spend out of your regular salary. Make sure that you put money aside or buy/pay for things for your business that are going to help you grow better. So for example, I need to get my LLC and that will be one of the first things that I spend my money on because that is important. Don't just blow your money, make sure that once you are done spending, you can see where your money went be happy that it went to good use.
SPLURGE. That's right, splurge on you and the family. Once you have allocated things and made sure that you are set, then do all the fun stuff. Shopping, trip planning, etc. Make sure you always make yourself happy and make sure you are a priority, too. We want to make sure we are taking care of ourselves and doing little things that make us happy and not worried about adulting all the time.
I am not sure how helpful this was, but even if it helped one person, I am content with that! You guys have an amazing new year!
I won't go into detail amount how much money we make, just know we make enough to make sure my family and I are living a good life. However, inflation is inflating and it seems like a never ending cycle of living pay check to pay check. I will be completely transparent and say that I am horrible sometimes about spending money/saving money. I make sure all of my bills are paid and then once that is done, there I go swiping my card or seeing something new on Amazon. It's a terrible habit and I am lucky that I have a spouse who hoards money unless he sees something that we absolutely need. I know, I know. Why would you take budgeting advice from a person who can't save money? LOL. Well, I have you know that I can put together a lovely budget, and I am always looking at ways to have more money in my pocket while also keeping up with my female maintenance. So, I do have a few options if you are on a strict budget like me.
Maintenance Options:
- Nails. Okay, so this one is a taboo topic for some odd reason because nobody knows how to mind their own damn business. Why people are so worried about what other people do with their nails or if they get the cheaper version of a manicure or full set is truly beyond me. I have a nail tech, shout out to my auntie Allusive! However, she is 45 minutes across town and sometimes it makes it hard for me to get over there so in the between times when I am not seeing her, I get press ons. Yes, you read right, call me cheap, I really don't care. Press ons have changed the game for me. I started using them in January of this 2022 and I haven't looked back. I can't tell you the last time I let the nail salon do my nails. For one, I love supporting small businesses, second, who's not going to pay over $50 for a full set is me. It's not something that is that important to me and even if it was, I cannot afford to spend that much money on my nails and that is OK! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about how you are keeping up with yourself. As long as you're doing so, that's all that matters! CVS and Walgreens are the best places to get the KISS brand nails and I am telling you, my nails stay on for AT LEAST a week which is a win for me. The nails are under 10$ and it comes with enough to do another set after the first set gets weak. DOUBLE WIN!
-Waxing. So, I used to get my eyebrows, lip, and chin waxed faithfully. I take my eyebrows very seriously and I make sure they are always looking good. However, I recently discovered that I can wax my own face. No, I didn't just learn about home waxing, but I thought I'd never be able to do it, or I'd mess my eyebrows up which I absolutely cannot afford to do, LOL. But, I stuck my neck out there and I put a little faith in myself and who would've guessed! I do a great job! I have been waxing my own eyebrows, lip and chin for the past 2 months now and I am loving it! So, I need to get a new wax pot because the one I have is super cheap from Amazon and I will link it: Wax Kit . It's easy to use and it melts great, but I don't like how stringy the wax is sometimes. I also could be doing it wrong, who knows, lol. However, it does the job and I am happy with the results. This saves me almost $80 a month just by doing my own!
-Facials/Body Care. So, I have never received a professional facial, it is on my to-do list. However, I love being able to add in face care to my self care nights! There are so many different face mask options for you that you can whip up from the ingredients in your kitchen. I found this one website a while ago and I've used almost every concoction on here, so I will link it for ya! DIY Face Masks . Adding this to your self care routine/spa night at home on top of the waxing and nails? I promise you, you will feel like you are having a true spa experience. Add in your wine and bubble bath, and it's a winner!
Once you are all set with your perfect spa night that did not hurt your pockets, please make sure to lather up with my favorite body butter ever! Butter Soufflé by Works of London. Honestly every night I look forward to lathering up with the body butter after a shower, but on a self care night, it's even more exquisite! I will link her website here so you can purchase a jar and shop small! Works of London Website .
Okay, so that's really all I have right now for the ways to do your up keep on a budget! As far as Brazilian Waxes, yeah, I would recommend spending what you currently do because who's not about to wax my own vajayjay is me. LOL.
Now, lets get into how to allocate your income tax in a way that will be beneficial to you! I am not a financial advisor and I am not a professional in any way when it's dealing with money, trust me. But, I can offer up some tips!
I know that we all love to spend aimlessly when we get our income tax and as lovely as it is, in these times, it is not smart. I want to make sure that this year I maximize my income tax so that I can allow myself to have more money in my pocket throughout the year. Because I am horrible about saving, I don't want to put half of my income tax in savings and hope that I don't touch it. That will not work for me. Now, maybe it could work for you and if so, do that! However, I do not operate that way, LOL. So, I want to allocate what I can, and then put what I can in separate savings accounts for different things instead of having everything in one account.
So, lets start with that since we are on the topic. SAVINGS/SPECIFIC ACCOUNTS. I already have two savings accounts opened for my kids but I also want me and Jeremy to have our own savings accounts which we are currently looking into. We want to have our own savings accounts for our own personal needs and also one savings account for a home/piece of land one day. Make sure you add something to a personal savings for yourself. Even if it's only $500, start somewhere. This will make you feel good knowing that you have some type of savings for your own personal needs. Also, create an emergency fund. Put a lumpsum in there at income tax time and then throughout the year add a little bit that you can monthly to it. It's not a savings account for your home, your car, etc. It's an emergency fund, for emergencies only! This absolutely cannot be touched unless there is an emergency. Always keep this separate from your regular savings account because what happens is, you end up using your personal savings for emergencies and then you feel defeated and you will want to just stop saving all together, trust me, I've been there. Now, if you absolutely have to dip into your personal, then you have no control over that. But try to keep these accounts separate. I also have a savings account open for car emergencies/maintenance/gas as well and I will fund that account too. So things like new tires, oil changes, things like that can come out of that account. I wouldn't call it a savings account, but it's a specific account for specific things that are just for our cars. Now, I know you're probably thinking that's too many accounts and that's cool. Again, I am not an advisor but I do know that when I keep things separate, it helps me manage better. For me, Capital One has the best system for checking and savings accounts because they are simple to open and easy to use/transfer money to different accounts.
Next, BACK TO SCHOOL FUND. Oh, how I have hated the back to school time in recent years because before I became more financially stable, I have always been so broke around school time and scrambling to find nice clothes and supplies. Not this year, mama is prepared! Shout out to my BFF Kay who started telling me to take advantage of sales and having a fund for the back to school time. Even though I've been a mom for 6 years, I still learn everyday better ways to keep up with what's important. Take a portion of your income tax and set aside money specifically for back to school time. You will feel so much better and you will not have to worry during the months of July and August about anything school related because you already have the money for it!
STOCK UP ON TOILETRIES, CLEANING SUPPLIES, and MEDICAL SUPPLIES and PAY ANNUAL BILLS THAT CAN BE PAID ON AN ANNUAL BASIS. Get enough to last some months! This really helps trust me I've done it before and didn't have to buy toilet paper for over 6 months. Now, I know this may seem like oh, these things aren't that expensive, but I am telling you, it adds up throughout the year. It really does. Knowing that oh this month we don't need to buy toiletries because we have enough, helps. That 100$ that you were about to spend on toiletries and cleaning supplies can now either be saved or spent on a nice day out with the family. So things like toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning supplies, toothbrushes, toothpaste, sponges, soap, medicine, first aid kids, medicine for the kids, vitamins, all that stuff! Get a good amount and stock up as much as you can or as much as the space in your home allows so that you can not have to worry about that stuff for a while. Also, streaming services and things that have annual pay, do that! I paid my amazon for an entire year last year and that has been one less bill coming out of my account. Most of all of the streaming services have annual payments! Check everything that you pay that may offer annual payments and go ahead and make that payment. That will also add to some extra money in your pockets during the year! Now, I would say pay your rent up as well, and do that if you can without going broke, but that is not what I will be doing. My rent alone is over $1300 so I will pass on that, LOL. If you have a car note and you want to pay a little over while you have your income tax, make sure to pay it at the same time as your regular monthly bill that month and do not split the payments. Thank me later and shout out to my auntie for providing that tip to me.
DEBT. How could I forget about debt? LOL! This obviously goes without saying and I'm sure I didn't have to say it, but please make sure you pay off some if not all of those debts you have. I cannot stress to you how long I've been waiting to have the money to pay off credit cards/loans that I have outstanding. It is so important to have good credit especially in today's world. I really have not known much about how credit works since I was 18, but I have been learning more and more by doing my research. All I know is I've seen denied too many times and it's because my credit is all jacked up. It's best to go ahead and knock that off so you can work on making sure your credit is worthy.
INVEST. This will be short because I know jack shit about investing, but my mom is trying to show me the ropes, shout out to her! If you can learn what you can about investing, make sure you take parts of that as well. Even if it's just a small amount, get started on the generational wealth.
INVEST IN YOURSELF/YOUR BUSINESS. This is for my entrepreneurs out there and people who are working on things for themselves that may require payments that are larger than what you may be able to spend out of your regular salary. Make sure that you put money aside or buy/pay for things for your business that are going to help you grow better. So for example, I need to get my LLC and that will be one of the first things that I spend my money on because that is important. Don't just blow your money, make sure that once you are done spending, you can see where your money went be happy that it went to good use.
SPLURGE. That's right, splurge on you and the family. Once you have allocated things and made sure that you are set, then do all the fun stuff. Shopping, trip planning, etc. Make sure you always make yourself happy and make sure you are a priority, too. We want to make sure we are taking care of ourselves and doing little things that make us happy and not worried about adulting all the time.
I am not sure how helpful this was, but even if it helped one person, I am content with that! You guys have an amazing new year!
What Mom Life Looks Like for Me as of Late + My Routine that Keeps Me on Track
It's just something about adulting that doesn't sit right in my spirit. LOL. No, but seriously. Life has just been so hectic lately and it seems like every time any of us turn around, it's something else. At least that's how I feel. It's been hard on my mental health lately and I've been trying to find the time to sit and write on this page. Because everything that lives on this page, is positive. But, that doesn't mean I can't be real too. I just know that since it's been so hard on me lately, I didn't want to come to my lifestyle and motherhood page and act like I've got all my shit together. Because the true reality is, I absolutely do not. I make it look good though. I just wanted to touch base with how I've been doing recently as a mother and the routine that I've built that helps me utilize all of my 24 hours every day efficiently.
So, about 2 months ago, I switched my schedule at work so I go in at 6 am now. Yes... 6 am. Which mean I need to be up by at the very least 5:30 since I work from home. That has been the biggest struggle. I cannot tell you how many times I've clocked in late just from lack of sleep. It's a little easier on me now with the promotion at work basically taking me off of inbound phone calls. I can work at my "own" pace which is also known as get as much done as I possibly can as fast as I can. So my days now are a little more fast paced, but, in a behind-the-scenes type of way. I love it. I also love the fact that Jeremy works nights now, so that means while I'm working, he can take care of our daughter and when I get off at 2:30 he gets ready for work. It's a perfect schedule for us although it seems as if we are away from each other most of the day. We actually get to spend a lot more time together now being that he is also off on Saturdays and Sundays. But even with a schedule that's perfect for us, chaos always finds its way. My main thing I try to remember now is that not everything has to be done all at once. It is ok if you divide up your off of work tasks throughout the week. I used to try to use Friday nights and Saturdays to be my time to get shit done that I need, but, since I've changed up my routine a little bit, I can now say that leaving everything for Friday nights and Saturdays isn't working for me. So now, every week day, I do a task. I make it easier on myself. Today, I spent the entire day cleaning which is why I am writing this post so late, but its because the house needed a good deep clean. But, I didn't bother to fold the clothes. Why? Because I can do that on Monday. Everyday give yourself one task to do. Just one. More if need be but try to stick with one if you can for everyday of the week. Then come Saturday morning, do your light cleaning and picking up, run your errands, etc. This is what works for me and it has been working for quite some time. The only time I do a bunch of cleaning on the weekends is when my weekday nights that week are really hectic and the house needs a deep clean. Otherwise, I try to use my weekends for relaxing or doing fun things with family. Now, since Jeremy is working nights, my weekday nights do look different. It's only me dealing with the kids and the house on week nights. Which means, I need to make sure we have a strict schedule or it all goes to hell. So from 5:30AM-2:30PM that time is blocked off for work. Once 2:30PM hits, my weekday routine actually begins; and in a snap of finger, its all uphill and downhill from there. 
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The minute I get off, I get ready to leave to pick up my son at 3:30. I'll try to straighten up a bit and depending on where my daughter is at with eating/naps that day, I will feed her. Her schedule is something that needs to get worked on, but she struggles a little with schedules so we are doing our best with her. Once she's taken care of and any little small things I can do are done, I head out and get him. His school is literally 2 minutes up the street so picking him up and getting home doesn't even take an hour. This week it's been raining so the next thing I've added to our routine will have to wait until the weather calms down. But, once he gets out of school, we will head to the park. There's a few parks around the neighborhood where we live and both of them have a beautiful view of the Bay. The reason I decided to implement days at the park is because both of my kids need that extra time outside. We live in a world of technology now so it's easy to get lost in that. It's easy to let the kids come home and watch TV until it's bed time or play on their games and tablets. I am realizing more and more as a mother in today's times that I need to be more present, aware and hands on every single day. I do this mommy shit well, but we all have things we can work on to be better. Getting fresh air everyday with the kids is going to be my PEACE of happiness. Yes, PEACE. Not only does it bring me joy to see them smiling and enjoying the outdoors, but it sets the stage for a more peaceful night for me. It will also tire them out which will benefit them both with a good nights rest. Because my daughter isn't in daycare, its easy for her to not get as tired as other babies do because she isn't on go all day. Yes she plays with her toys and things, but for the most part, she's dads little sidekick. So the park will be new, but everything else is pretty much going to stay the same. After about an hour, its time to start dinner. So this would take us to around 5PM. This is perfect because more than likely dinner will be done by 6/6:30 as it normally is. While dinner is cooking, I make my son shower. Yes, he showers before dinner. I'm not sure about you guys but I don't want him hanging out on couches and chairs after he's been at school. The moment he hits the door, it's shower time. During the time that I cook dinner, I have my daughter on the counter in her high chair. She has a few snacks and then dinner while I'm cooking for the rest of us. At around 7PM, it's time to start winding down. I allow my son to play his game or on his tablet while I bathe baby girl and get her dressed. Lately during bath time, I let her listen to Jazz music and she's been loving it so far. It keeps her calm because she doesn't really like bath time that much, surprisingly. At around 7:30, we've been watching moral stories on YouTube. These stories help kids with learning how to be a better friend and they are really cute. My son and I love watching them together. My daughter doesn't take to it much, but she will sit there and play with her toys or crawl all over us, LOL. I do about 30 minutes of this, because at 8PM, it's my sons bedtime. Bathroom, prayers, and bed. In that order.
Once he's down, I keep the little one up for about an hour if I can. We sit and play with her toys, I give her time to crawl around the room and explore, and do some interactive things with her to aid in her development. Once 9PM rolls around, I make her a bottle and lay her in her bed. At this time she is pretty much ready to go to sleep and I can do my last minute tasks. Putting up dinner, loading the dishwasher and making sure the kitchen is clean. After that, I head in the shower and by the time I'm done with all that, she's usually knocked out. It's perfect. It really does help to have a schedule and night time routine with children. I've noticed that both of my children thrive on a schedule. Even though my daughter struggles a little, she's always in a better mood if her schedule is kept the same. Otherwise, she is very fussy and agitated. Our kids need us to remember that at this moment, they are depending on us to provide a safe and healthy home. Not just healthy physically, but mentally as well. When there isn't a routine in place, it can affect everyone's mental health in the home. If you are struggling to find a routine, that's ok! It wont always be perfect. But, start some where. Start small. Even if it's moving their bed time up by 30 minutes and implementing story time every night, something that is done every night at the same time if possible really helps. The kids look forward to it too! |
Once it's around 10PM and I've showered, It's my time. I don't give myself a strict schedule. This is my time to relax, drink more wine if I want, read, mess around on instagram, write, check off everything I did today that I needed to do & plan the day ahead. I mean, whatever I feel like doing is what I do. I am not too hard on myself during the week. I am a full time mom, full time worker, part time blogger, I'm writing a book, I'm a solo parent in the evenings. I. Do. A. LOT. I commend myself for holding it together the way I do when it's never enough time in a day to do it all. But, I do it. I use my hour or two of down time for me and I relax in the best way possible. Even indulge in some trash TV sometimes because I can.
Don't beat yourself up about what you aren't doing. Focus on what you are doing that's good and pat yourself on the back. If you feel as if you need to do more, then do that. Don't allow yourself to feel as if you have to be a super woman all the time and stay in a constant state of "toxic productivity" is what I call it. Being productive doesn't have to be 24 hours a day. That whole Steve Harvey bullshit about not sleeping so you can make more money or whatever the hell he said, was absolutely the wrong advice anyone could've given! Get your REST, get your down time, do what you can, push yourself to do more when need be, but most of all, make sure you are OKAY. Because if mama ain't ok? Guess what, the whole house falls apart! That's no shade to the hardworking dads, we love you so much and you are forever appreciated. But, lets face it, mama is the glue to the family. Make sure you are taking care of your physical and mental health baby. Even if it's just 30 minutes after the kids go to bed. Make sure every time, you spend time to yourself. By yourself. Recharge, relax, and regain strength for the day ahead.
Thanks for reading. I love you all!
Don't beat yourself up about what you aren't doing. Focus on what you are doing that's good and pat yourself on the back. If you feel as if you need to do more, then do that. Don't allow yourself to feel as if you have to be a super woman all the time and stay in a constant state of "toxic productivity" is what I call it. Being productive doesn't have to be 24 hours a day. That whole Steve Harvey bullshit about not sleeping so you can make more money or whatever the hell he said, was absolutely the wrong advice anyone could've given! Get your REST, get your down time, do what you can, push yourself to do more when need be, but most of all, make sure you are OKAY. Because if mama ain't ok? Guess what, the whole house falls apart! That's no shade to the hardworking dads, we love you so much and you are forever appreciated. But, lets face it, mama is the glue to the family. Make sure you are taking care of your physical and mental health baby. Even if it's just 30 minutes after the kids go to bed. Make sure every time, you spend time to yourself. By yourself. Recharge, relax, and regain strength for the day ahead.
Thanks for reading. I love you all!
Society's Living and Working Standards Are All F*ked Up
*I Desire to Live A Slower Lifestyle*
Call me boring, call me whatever you want, but I desire to live in the countryside outside of a big city. I desire to work from home doing what I love and raising my kids to be humble, strong willed and beautiful human beings. Living a life that doesn't involve constant motion and constant "get-up-and-go" attitudes. We live in a society that tells us if we aren't constantly moving, constantly going, that we are lazy. That we won't achieve anything. I heard once that "rich people don't sleep." Even though that is so far from the truth, adapting a mentality that makes you neglect your physical health, your mental health, your spiritual health, and ultimately your spouse and kids, is a very dangerous slippery slope. Most people who dedicate their life to work, miss out on the moments with their families that matter. Who even wants that? We are told that we need to be away from our families for more than 12 hours out of the day at minimum 5 days a week. Think about it. If you are not fortunate enough to work from home, you more than likely get up around 5 am. You're getting your kids ready, yourself ready, maybe get some quick breakfast. Then, you drop the kids off, sit in traffic and get to work by 8. You don't get off until 5pm in which you are in traffic headed to get the kids. You get home, it's damn near 6pm. Oh wait, now dinner needs to be made. By the time food is cooked, dinner is consumed, everyone is showered, it's bed time. Now, it may not always go that way, but, for a long time, my life went that way. How much influence do you really have over your kids? How much time are you REALLY spending with your kids? You know? But, this is what society said is right. This is the way the world is set up. This is no blow or slug to anyone who is doing what they need to do to feed their families. I salute anyone out there working their ass off to make a better life for their kids. But, what I am saying is, this way of living that society deems right, is not the way to live. I refuse to spend the rest of my life being a slave to this world. So, any decision that I need to make to make it better on me and my family, I will do that. Even though at this moment I still work for a big company, I am doing it from home. That right there is the first step in the right direction for me being able to spend more time with my kids and my family. There are only 24 hours in a day. 24. That's all. If you work a normal 40 hour work week you get 2 days. 2 days to spend time with your family, catch up on house hold chores, run errands, etc. On your work days, 10-12 hours out of your day is spent getting ready for work/school, going to work, working, and getting home from work. Now, when you think about it, you tell me if that is the way you want to spend your life. But, let's take working a 9-5 out of the picture. How much time do you desire to truly dedicate your life to doing things that matter? How much time do you spend TEACHING your child a valuable life lesson instead of mindlessly allowing them to do whatever they want and watch whatever they want? How much time are your spending expanding your mental encyclopedia? How much time are you spending feeding your brain and your soul? How much time are you spending learning about things in this life that will be helpful to you and your family? Or are you so addicted to social media and the night life that all these things slip right on by? I want my time to be spent getting paid for doing what I love, gardening and growing my own food for my family, spending time in nature, reading new books and gaining mental power, becoming one with the earth and my body, allowing my kids to grow up knowing that mom and dad are there, truly there and not just there but in the distance. I want my kids to be like my mom taught me how to plant food. My dad taught me how to protect myself from danger. My parents taught me how be self sufficient. Yesterday I asked my son what has he learned from his step dad, his response was, "He teach me how to be brave." He's 6. This is something that made my heart smile so much. Because forget him showing him mindless things that don't matter. I have witnessed Jeremy instill in my son things that he will keep for the rest of his life, and that, is what matters to me. I don't want the fast paced life. Yall can have that. Yall can have the only sleeping 4 hours a day because you're working your body into an early grave. Yall can have the clubbing every weekend with your friends because your work week was that hard that you need to cut loose, every. single. weekend. Yall can have the fast life. I want the slow life, in the country side. With my kids, my man, and the fresh air. I want the OPTION to go into the city for fun on occasion. I don't want the city to be my home anymore. I don't want the fast paced environment to be around me anymore. I just want to live slow. And die happy knowing that I spent my life doing what I absolutely love with my little humans and my life partner by my side. I don't want this society to control shit in my life.
I just want
to be
free.
I just want
to be
free.
Part One: Not losing yourself While in a Relationship + Becoming Emotionally in Control
Trying to not lose yourself in your partner is one of the hardest things you may ever have to do. Because when you decide that you're going to build a life with someone and you begin to combine almost every aspect of your lives, things begin to mesh together so fast, that you don't even realize you start to lose a sense of self. I know first hand what it is like to lose yourself completely in another person. The time and years I put into piecing myself together and figuring out who I really am and want to be, was time that I can never get back. That is why, I cherish who I am now and I will be damned if I lose who I am, again. I should've never had to spend the last two years trying to understand who I am. But I did, and I don't regret it, nor do try and play the victim for others to feel sorry for me, because of the way I lost myself. I take accountability for my part in allowing myself to be lost. The thing that many people have said, but no one really understands until they are in that situation, is that you have to stop caring so much. Yes, yes, the cliche term we've all heard time and time again. But, it is so very true. Once I stopped allowing other people to make me feel a way I didn't want to feel, things started to become better for me. I realized that one of the only things I have control over is myself. I can control the way I react. I can control the way I feel. I can decide to open one door, and I can decide to close the next. One thing in this life you must always remember is that there are very little things we will be able to control. So what we can control? We need to grab it by the reigns and take charge of it. That type of mentality and that type of strength takes time. For so long people kept telling me I need to stop wanting to always be in control of things I can't control. I need to learn how to control my emotions and feelings. I hated hearing all that shit. You know why? Because I knew they were right, but at the time, I had no idea how to do those things and it made me angry that I was so emotional. It made me angry that I cried over everything. It made me angry that I could love someone so much to the point where I lost myself and didn't know how to control that, or put conditions on the way I love in certain circumstances. But, being hurt, living this life, will make you reach this point in which you decide that losing yourself isn't an option. That being emotionally dependent isn't an option. It's scary. I'll tell you right now, it scared me when having a deep conversation with my partner didn't trigger tears and boohoo crying. Normally? I would've been bawling. "In my feelings", as they call it. I wouldn't have been able to think clearly because I would've been so attached to my emotions. I wasn't attached to my emotions, because I've learned how to stay in control of them. The million dollar question for some people is how do I get in control of my feelings? See what some people may not realize is, it is harder to lose yourself in another person when you have your emotions in check. When you aren't in control of your emotions, more than likely, you're going to find yourself getting lost in your partner. Why? Because you're allowing your emotions about a person take over the way you think and act as a whole. You have to stop caring so much about someone else more than you're caring for yourself. You have to learn how and when to shut those emotions down or regulate them. You have to know when to open that door, and when to close it. Something I've learned about people, no matter how good of a person someone is, if you show them that you are 1000% all the way in, no questions asked, no matter what they do or how they are, expect to be taken advantage of in some way or another. When you open yourself up in such a way that leaves you blinded, you're giving someone else the map and recipe to be able to hurt you. This is why it is important to learn to control your emotions. Having zero control of your emotions will have you clingy all the time, always expressing love love love even when you aren't receiving the same love back. Having zero control of your emotions will have you constantly pouring your heart out to your partner, allowing them into your every thought, wearing your heart on your sleeve. Completely being lost in the sauce with this other person. So in order to take control of your emotions, you have to learn when to put up walls, and when to let them down. It is a balancing act that even myself, have not mastered, but I am doing way better than I used to be. What makes controlling your emotions easier? Learning to make yourself happy and not needing someone else for your happiness. That alone will have you being able to control your emotions ten times more than before. A lot of the time, when we are clingy and emotionally dependent, it's because we have not yet found the recipe to our own happiness. Therefore, allowing someone else to control our happiness and decide how we feel. Which leads to being out of control with our emotions, which then leads to losing our self in someone else. You see the domino effect? Exactly.
So how do we get control? One, is to stop caring so much and learn when to put walls up and let them down. Putting up walls in no way means to completely shut your partner off. But, you have to know what to share and when. You absolutely have to leave some type of mystery about yourself so that you can keep your emotions in line. The power that one has over you when they know your every thought and move is out of this world. When I say stop caring I just mean, don't get all bent up out of shape over the little shit. If a person is willing to give up over something small, they aren't the one. Don't make someone else make you think that them leaving will rock your entire world to the point to where you won't survive without them. No ma'am!!! That is not how this works. You are in this because you want them, not because you NEED them. Let's all start to think that way instead of really convincing yourself that you need that person to survive. Do not allow yourself to care so much to where the thought of them leaving makes you want to croak over and die. We have to keep it pushing by any means. Most of us have kids, most of us have our own jobs, or are working towards a career. We can't give up because of another person. We have to keep it pushing, we have to keep it moving. So, learn when to fall back. Learn when to match energies. If you did something wrong, apologize, humble yourself. But, if that person is doing wrong to you, don't make yourself readily available at their knees just because you don't want to argue. Be the bigger person sometimes? Sure. But, do not make yourself the vulnerable one all the time. That is how you lose sense of yourself in another way.
Next, find something to do that you love and that you can spend some of your free time doing. For instance, this website and my blog is my baby. After I had my daughter, I found myself losing myself in my partner. My hormones and emotions were all out of whack. All I could think about was him. If he said something I didn't like, I would cry in the corner. Now, yes we can blame it on the hormones, but at the same time, at that point I was so in love and engulfed in him and I really just was not putting any time into myself. I got some advice from someone I love and trust dearly and what they told me was that I need to always stay on top of my game. Stop being such an open book. Focus on myself. Speak when something needs to be said. Stop sharing everything. Find something to do that you love and work on that. Focus on that. From that moment on, I started to focus on myself and I started to invest in myself. I built this website from the ground up. I started to really hone in on my brand and what I wanted to create and I started to create it. Once I found what I wanted to spend my time doing, that is where I spent my free time. I stopped being so engulfed in him, and put my focus on myself. I started to see over the weeks and months that I am pretty good company. I loved spending time with myself, with my website, with my writing, and working on something I loved. Instead of my focusing on my partner, I put my time into myself. After a while, he would ask hey baby wanna watch a movie? Hey baby, what you doing? Hey baby, wanna do this, wanna do that? He started to come to me. That felt good. You know why? Because I wasn't up his ass 24/7 and worried about whatever it was he was doing. I was worried about me. In return, I started to see that he actually did care, I just needed to give him time to miss me. Don't put all of your energy in time into the person that you're with. If you do that, how are you going to put any time into yourself? Working on myself and putting time into myself helped me in a way control my emotions. Because I soon realized that if I can just stop being so lost in him, if I can put time into myself, If I can make myself happy with my work, then I don't NEED him to survive. But, I want the hell out of him and our family. And that my friends? Is ALL you need. The desire to make it work. Not the NEED for the other person. There's a big difference.
So, put time into you. Put your focus on the things you love. Don't allow yourself to be emotionally dependent. Know that you are worthy. You're gold. You need nobody but the MOST HIGH and that's it. Learn to make yourself happy. If you don't know how? Find your passion. Find what you love. Do it. Master it. Then you will start to realize how much you love you. How much you love spending time with yourself doing what you love. Do not lose your identity.
Join me next week for part two of this. Where we will discuss balancing independence and relationship. Because once you become emotionally in control, you will start to feel and act more independent. That is something you will need to learn to balance in order to not make your partner feel as if you don't care about them anymore. Because, that couldn't be further from the truth. So, let's learn to balance together! <3 Thanks for reading.
So how do we get control? One, is to stop caring so much and learn when to put walls up and let them down. Putting up walls in no way means to completely shut your partner off. But, you have to know what to share and when. You absolutely have to leave some type of mystery about yourself so that you can keep your emotions in line. The power that one has over you when they know your every thought and move is out of this world. When I say stop caring I just mean, don't get all bent up out of shape over the little shit. If a person is willing to give up over something small, they aren't the one. Don't make someone else make you think that them leaving will rock your entire world to the point to where you won't survive without them. No ma'am!!! That is not how this works. You are in this because you want them, not because you NEED them. Let's all start to think that way instead of really convincing yourself that you need that person to survive. Do not allow yourself to care so much to where the thought of them leaving makes you want to croak over and die. We have to keep it pushing by any means. Most of us have kids, most of us have our own jobs, or are working towards a career. We can't give up because of another person. We have to keep it pushing, we have to keep it moving. So, learn when to fall back. Learn when to match energies. If you did something wrong, apologize, humble yourself. But, if that person is doing wrong to you, don't make yourself readily available at their knees just because you don't want to argue. Be the bigger person sometimes? Sure. But, do not make yourself the vulnerable one all the time. That is how you lose sense of yourself in another way.
Next, find something to do that you love and that you can spend some of your free time doing. For instance, this website and my blog is my baby. After I had my daughter, I found myself losing myself in my partner. My hormones and emotions were all out of whack. All I could think about was him. If he said something I didn't like, I would cry in the corner. Now, yes we can blame it on the hormones, but at the same time, at that point I was so in love and engulfed in him and I really just was not putting any time into myself. I got some advice from someone I love and trust dearly and what they told me was that I need to always stay on top of my game. Stop being such an open book. Focus on myself. Speak when something needs to be said. Stop sharing everything. Find something to do that you love and work on that. Focus on that. From that moment on, I started to focus on myself and I started to invest in myself. I built this website from the ground up. I started to really hone in on my brand and what I wanted to create and I started to create it. Once I found what I wanted to spend my time doing, that is where I spent my free time. I stopped being so engulfed in him, and put my focus on myself. I started to see over the weeks and months that I am pretty good company. I loved spending time with myself, with my website, with my writing, and working on something I loved. Instead of my focusing on my partner, I put my time into myself. After a while, he would ask hey baby wanna watch a movie? Hey baby, what you doing? Hey baby, wanna do this, wanna do that? He started to come to me. That felt good. You know why? Because I wasn't up his ass 24/7 and worried about whatever it was he was doing. I was worried about me. In return, I started to see that he actually did care, I just needed to give him time to miss me. Don't put all of your energy in time into the person that you're with. If you do that, how are you going to put any time into yourself? Working on myself and putting time into myself helped me in a way control my emotions. Because I soon realized that if I can just stop being so lost in him, if I can put time into myself, If I can make myself happy with my work, then I don't NEED him to survive. But, I want the hell out of him and our family. And that my friends? Is ALL you need. The desire to make it work. Not the NEED for the other person. There's a big difference.
So, put time into you. Put your focus on the things you love. Don't allow yourself to be emotionally dependent. Know that you are worthy. You're gold. You need nobody but the MOST HIGH and that's it. Learn to make yourself happy. If you don't know how? Find your passion. Find what you love. Do it. Master it. Then you will start to realize how much you love you. How much you love spending time with yourself doing what you love. Do not lose your identity.
Join me next week for part two of this. Where we will discuss balancing independence and relationship. Because once you become emotionally in control, you will start to feel and act more independent. That is something you will need to learn to balance in order to not make your partner feel as if you don't care about them anymore. Because, that couldn't be further from the truth. So, let's learn to balance together! <3 Thanks for reading.
Finally Knowing Who I am & Being Comfortable in My Skin
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Life without Social Media
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Not Caring Anymore About What Other People Think
It seems like it's been a long time coming with me figuring out who I want to be. I'll be 26 in a few months and I feel like I finally am realizing who I am. I remember a time when people would ask do you know who you are and I'd be like yeah! And in reality I had no freaking clue who the hell I was. Now, I know. To be honest, I know that in 5 years or 10 years, I might be totally different. But in this time in my life, I know Janecia. I am a beautiful soul. I am strong. I am unique and mysterious in ways. And in some ways, I am an open book. I am kind, but at the same time, DO NOT cross me. I am a poet. A writer. A walking melody of love and admiration for all things positive. I strive everyday to be the best version of myself and If I'm not there already, I am extremely close. I used to be very insecure and question myself a lot. I used to be nervous to speak to people and tell them about myself. I realize now, that's because I was unsure of who I was. I used to allow things to consume me. Whether good or bad, I allowed it to consume me. I can't say that that part of me isn't still there sometimes, but it's not there nearly as much as it used to be. I am comfortable with who I am. I am comfortable with the way I look. I used to be ashamed of my flaws. The extra fat on my body. My slightly larger nose. The fact that I wasn't "Instagram model pretty." Now? I don't give two shits about those things. Granted, I plan on getting my body in shape and becoming a HEALTHIER version of me, but I am not overly obsessed with being skinny anymore or losing 80 pounds. I love my curves. I love me. There was a time when I didn't wear tank tops or spaghetti string dresses because of the extra fat on my arms. Now? I don't care. I wear my dresses with pride and I still get looks like wow she's beautiful. I used to think I needed to cover my body up and wear oversized everything to give the illusion that I wasn't "that fat". But I look at myself now and I realize that no, I'm not "that fat". I could tone up more, sure. But, I am juicy. I am fluffy. I am soft. I am sexy. I have a very strong sex appeal about myself and I love it. I'm curvy, but I am seductive. There is way more to me than the extra fat on my body. I have come to terms with who I am and how I look and man, I LOVE ME. I am a rare breed and a force that can change the world around me. I have flaws physically and emotionally, but that is OK. I have accepted that. I can go somewhere right now, alone, and take myself out to eat and be ok with it and not feel awkward about it. I'm just in a point in my life where I am happy to be who I am.
I am 100 percent sure that this is because I let social media go almost 2 years ago. If you knew me even 3-4 years ago, you'd never think that I'd be without social media for any length of time. Now that I am going on 2 years without it, I can honestly say that it has changed my life. I have had time to focus on me and to grow. I have had time to grow my blog and my brand. I have had the time to really figure out who I am and find self love. I used to compare my life to others, share my life with people who didn't really care, become depressed seeing other people's "highlight reel". Now, I could care less about what the next person has going on. I could care less about what people think about me. I don't compare myself to others anymore. I am in my own lane with myself and my little family and we stay in that lane. So I can say that life without that side of the internet has been amazing and I will never go back to it. There is nothing I need from social media and there is nothing that social media needs from me. I have my life back. My life is not a slave to socials. I don't do things anymore just to post it. I don't have my phone out every second trying to capture moments just to share it. I am free. Social media was a major distraction and I am so glad I got from underneath that trap. Because, why are we so inclined to share everything about our lives with other people? I still can't answer that question. But, now I have an outlet. I write. I have been a writer all my life and now I feel like I have my flow. I have this blog and nothing but positivity lives here. I don't have to worry about negativity here. I can share things about me, I can share my advice, my writing, and feel secure and safe here.
This blog is my little world. I am so thankful for the people who take the time out to read and share their time with me here. We are going to continue to grow here and build. Take that ride with me. So much content in store for this year and I am very excited.
Thanks for reading!
I am 100 percent sure that this is because I let social media go almost 2 years ago. If you knew me even 3-4 years ago, you'd never think that I'd be without social media for any length of time. Now that I am going on 2 years without it, I can honestly say that it has changed my life. I have had time to focus on me and to grow. I have had time to grow my blog and my brand. I have had the time to really figure out who I am and find self love. I used to compare my life to others, share my life with people who didn't really care, become depressed seeing other people's "highlight reel". Now, I could care less about what the next person has going on. I could care less about what people think about me. I don't compare myself to others anymore. I am in my own lane with myself and my little family and we stay in that lane. So I can say that life without that side of the internet has been amazing and I will never go back to it. There is nothing I need from social media and there is nothing that social media needs from me. I have my life back. My life is not a slave to socials. I don't do things anymore just to post it. I don't have my phone out every second trying to capture moments just to share it. I am free. Social media was a major distraction and I am so glad I got from underneath that trap. Because, why are we so inclined to share everything about our lives with other people? I still can't answer that question. But, now I have an outlet. I write. I have been a writer all my life and now I feel like I have my flow. I have this blog and nothing but positivity lives here. I don't have to worry about negativity here. I can share things about me, I can share my advice, my writing, and feel secure and safe here.
This blog is my little world. I am so thankful for the people who take the time out to read and share their time with me here. We are going to continue to grow here and build. Take that ride with me. So much content in store for this year and I am very excited.
Thanks for reading!
Preparing Your Heart & Mind for Marriage,
Understanding Individuality & Who You Want to Be,
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Adapting Balance into Your Life Before Taking the Next Step
Welcome again Reader. If you've been a follower of mine for a while you know that these types of topics are my fav. I am no therapist or life coach, but I do enjoy diving into topics that are near and dear to my heart. So, lets jump right in, shall we?
What does it mean to prepare your mind and heart for marriage? It can mean a few things. Some people get engaged without even knowing what they're really doing. Or who they really are. Then, instead of using the engagement time to work on themselves, they use it to plan the best wedding for others to attend. That's not all people, but some. Before you get engaged, or during engagement, is the perfect time to start making the changes you need to make to prepare your heart and mind for such a big commitment. Even if you get engaged early, that's ok. You don't have to rush the wedding. Stay engaged for a year, year in a half, or even two years! During this time, try to become who you need to be to take that next step. This also gives you plenty of time to plan the day of your dreams. Jeremy and I have talked about the type of wedding we want. How we want it. Where we want it. All those things. But, we talk less about what the wedding will be and we discuss more about what the MARRIAGE will be. What we need to be or work towards before saying I do. I care deeply about who I am and who I desire to be before saying I do. I don't want to just hurry and say I do, just for the hell of it. When I become his wife, I need to be the best version of myself, for that time in my life. When I say for that time in my life, I say that because we allllll change. That is one thing most people don't consider when getting married. They don't take into consideration that the person you're starring at today, may not be the person starring back at you in 5 years. 10 years. 20 years. I am always striving to be the best version of me. Especially since Jeremy and I became, us. Why? Because this man deserves the best version of me. Even more importantly, I deserve the best version of me. Outside of being the amazing super mom that I am, I deserve to still be Janecia. I am still an individual. I am still one soul. I still have an identity. Whoever that person is, I need to be the best version of it. So, when I say I do, whoever I am at that very moment, I need to be the best version of her. That for me means, confident, not insecure, God fearing, worthy, mentally fit, emotionally in check, and physically in check. In order to be all of those things, I need to first humble myself and rid myself of my ego, which is something I've been working on tremendously. An ego has no place in a marriage or a relationship. But, once you realize who it is you're wanting to be. Find out what steps you need to take to get to that person. It's not easy, but it is worth it. Especially for marriage. No one wants to marry "potential". I've been down that road and I'll never go back. Yes, everyone has flaws and has something that they're working on all throughout life, no one is perfect. But in the place I am in my life right now, potential doesn't cut it. Either you are or aren't going to strive to be the best you. That goes for both parties. Strive for that. Actively strive. Don't just say you're going to make those changes. Do it! Potential is "She/he has the potential to be this. They have the potential to be that." But, they aren't doing it. That's for teenage love. We are adults now. You should see the person you want to spend your life with doing everything and anything they need to do to be the best version of them.
The other important thing is understanding who you are as an individual. Once you're married, you become one flesh with that other person. Sometimes, people take that literally and they lose themselves in the other person. They stop doing things that made them happy. That made them who they were as an individual. Don't do that. If you don't know who you are yet, please, for all sakes, just don't get married yet. Because if you don't understand who you are as a person, you will one hundred percent lose yourself in the other person. Don't allow that to happen to yourself. Sit with yourself, take yourself out on dates a few times a month if you can, stay up later than everyone else, and think. Really ponder on who you are and don't run from it. If there are things you need to change which I'm sure there are, be honest with yourself. Write it down. Learn yourself. You need to know who you are before you decide to become one with someone else. Once you know who you are, what you love and desire, it will be easy to tell if you and that other person are destined to be.
Lastly, adapting balance. This one, my beautiful king taught me. I'm one of those people who is like "it's either going to be this or that." There's no in-between. That is how I've been all my life and Jeremy brought to my attention that it helps no one to be that way. Balance is the only way things will work. Make sure that you aren't too much of one thing on a everyday basis. That can be hard, trust me I know. For example, I am a very emotional person. I've allowed my emotions to take over more than my logic. I've done better with it, but I am still trying. I used to cry for every little thing in my relationship. Almost every other day I'd find a reason to cry. If he said something that didn't sit well with me, I'd cry. Looking back at that, I laugh. Like, no ma'am. For one, it's not cute or WOMANLY. And two, it's not fair to the other person. So now, I handle my emotions differently. That's not to say I am not emotional anymore, but before I go on a tangent or cry about it, I try to hear and listen to what he's saying FIRST before I go off and react. It's a work in progress, but I'm getting there. That's what I mean by actively changing. I see my changes everyday. I acknowledge my changes and I commend myself. I am a long way from who I used to be. And I will continue down this beautiful road because it is leading me to the alter to marry the man of my dreams.
Make those changes, be honest with who you are as an individual, and start balancing every aspect of your life.
What does it mean to prepare your mind and heart for marriage? It can mean a few things. Some people get engaged without even knowing what they're really doing. Or who they really are. Then, instead of using the engagement time to work on themselves, they use it to plan the best wedding for others to attend. That's not all people, but some. Before you get engaged, or during engagement, is the perfect time to start making the changes you need to make to prepare your heart and mind for such a big commitment. Even if you get engaged early, that's ok. You don't have to rush the wedding. Stay engaged for a year, year in a half, or even two years! During this time, try to become who you need to be to take that next step. This also gives you plenty of time to plan the day of your dreams. Jeremy and I have talked about the type of wedding we want. How we want it. Where we want it. All those things. But, we talk less about what the wedding will be and we discuss more about what the MARRIAGE will be. What we need to be or work towards before saying I do. I care deeply about who I am and who I desire to be before saying I do. I don't want to just hurry and say I do, just for the hell of it. When I become his wife, I need to be the best version of myself, for that time in my life. When I say for that time in my life, I say that because we allllll change. That is one thing most people don't consider when getting married. They don't take into consideration that the person you're starring at today, may not be the person starring back at you in 5 years. 10 years. 20 years. I am always striving to be the best version of me. Especially since Jeremy and I became, us. Why? Because this man deserves the best version of me. Even more importantly, I deserve the best version of me. Outside of being the amazing super mom that I am, I deserve to still be Janecia. I am still an individual. I am still one soul. I still have an identity. Whoever that person is, I need to be the best version of it. So, when I say I do, whoever I am at that very moment, I need to be the best version of her. That for me means, confident, not insecure, God fearing, worthy, mentally fit, emotionally in check, and physically in check. In order to be all of those things, I need to first humble myself and rid myself of my ego, which is something I've been working on tremendously. An ego has no place in a marriage or a relationship. But, once you realize who it is you're wanting to be. Find out what steps you need to take to get to that person. It's not easy, but it is worth it. Especially for marriage. No one wants to marry "potential". I've been down that road and I'll never go back. Yes, everyone has flaws and has something that they're working on all throughout life, no one is perfect. But in the place I am in my life right now, potential doesn't cut it. Either you are or aren't going to strive to be the best you. That goes for both parties. Strive for that. Actively strive. Don't just say you're going to make those changes. Do it! Potential is "She/he has the potential to be this. They have the potential to be that." But, they aren't doing it. That's for teenage love. We are adults now. You should see the person you want to spend your life with doing everything and anything they need to do to be the best version of them.
The other important thing is understanding who you are as an individual. Once you're married, you become one flesh with that other person. Sometimes, people take that literally and they lose themselves in the other person. They stop doing things that made them happy. That made them who they were as an individual. Don't do that. If you don't know who you are yet, please, for all sakes, just don't get married yet. Because if you don't understand who you are as a person, you will one hundred percent lose yourself in the other person. Don't allow that to happen to yourself. Sit with yourself, take yourself out on dates a few times a month if you can, stay up later than everyone else, and think. Really ponder on who you are and don't run from it. If there are things you need to change which I'm sure there are, be honest with yourself. Write it down. Learn yourself. You need to know who you are before you decide to become one with someone else. Once you know who you are, what you love and desire, it will be easy to tell if you and that other person are destined to be.
Lastly, adapting balance. This one, my beautiful king taught me. I'm one of those people who is like "it's either going to be this or that." There's no in-between. That is how I've been all my life and Jeremy brought to my attention that it helps no one to be that way. Balance is the only way things will work. Make sure that you aren't too much of one thing on a everyday basis. That can be hard, trust me I know. For example, I am a very emotional person. I've allowed my emotions to take over more than my logic. I've done better with it, but I am still trying. I used to cry for every little thing in my relationship. Almost every other day I'd find a reason to cry. If he said something that didn't sit well with me, I'd cry. Looking back at that, I laugh. Like, no ma'am. For one, it's not cute or WOMANLY. And two, it's not fair to the other person. So now, I handle my emotions differently. That's not to say I am not emotional anymore, but before I go on a tangent or cry about it, I try to hear and listen to what he's saying FIRST before I go off and react. It's a work in progress, but I'm getting there. That's what I mean by actively changing. I see my changes everyday. I acknowledge my changes and I commend myself. I am a long way from who I used to be. And I will continue down this beautiful road because it is leading me to the alter to marry the man of my dreams.
Make those changes, be honest with who you are as an individual, and start balancing every aspect of your life.
Achieving your Highest Level of Femininity
For some women, tapping into their femininity is like breathing. It's natural for them and it truly is a flawless act. Then there are some of us who it's not so easy for. There are some of us who struggle with our feminine and masculine energies. For me femininity isn't just about your energy, but it is also about your demeanor and how you carry yourself as a woman. It's about the care you take into keeping yourself up. No, I'm not saying you need to be in the nail shop every two weeks or get waxes every month. I'm not even saying you need to wear a full face of make-up everyday. I am simply saying that when you take care of your appearance, you naturally start to feel good and confident on the inside. You pay attention more to how to react and act when you're feeling good. It's a natural thing, at least for me it is. When I feel pretty, I give off pretty vibes and pretty energy into the air. You catch my drift? So feeling and looking feminine will help you tap into that. Making sure your hair is well kept, and by the way, well kept does not mean anti-natural. I AM A 4C HAIR QUEEN! When I say well kept I just mean styled and/or brushed. For me, even if my hair is in a big poof I like to make sure my edges are laid and it makes all the difference. Having a fresh clean face with or without make-up. For me, I love to keep it all natural, but I always have to wear mascara or lashes. Just having that makes me feel so much more feminine. I used to be a big lip gloss girl, but now I've transitioned to a nice chap stick to give my lips a smooth moist look, but also keep my hair from sticking to my face. If ya know, ya know. I've also noticed that when I get ready and dressed everyday, I feel my best. When I'm all slouchy and dressed in ugly clothes, I don't feel my best. Again ladies, I am not ragging on anyone who loves to dress slouchy. But for me, dressing as if I don't care, makes me feel terrible inside. I struggle a lot with insecurities. This is a place where I can be my true self and be honest and open with you guys. I am not very confident if I don't look good. That may not be the case for some women, but for me it is. So, I make sure that even if I am around the house, I try to steer clear of clothes that make me feel ugly and slouchy. So, next time you're just lounging around the house, find some flattering lounge wear. I promise you it will give you a different feeling just by wearing something sexy and flattering around the house.
Now, you look well kept and you're feeling good. But how are you acting? Are you a jealous person? Is it hard for you to congratulate people on big things in their life? Are you rude, loud, and obnoxious? Are you a woman who takes pleasure in defying your spouse? Do you always have to be in control? Is it hard for you to listen instead of speaking all the time? If you said yes to yourself on any of these things, it's possible that you have strayed away from your femininity. Being kind, modest, supportive, gentle, warm, sweet, etc. has a lot to do with having tapped into your femininity. It is not pretty to be an ugly jealous person. Full of gossip and negativity. Now, don't get me wrong, we allllll gossip. if you say you don't gossip, you're lying or you may not be lying, but trust me, in some way, you gossip. LOL. But, there are levels to "gossiping". I know for a FACT I am not the type of person that gossips and says rude things about someone when something good happens in their life. I am the complete opposite in that regard. I don't feel anger when someone else is doing better than me. Honestly, it motivates me to get on my shit more. But we also have to be careful with that, because we also need to accept the path and journey we are on. But, it is good to see other people around you winning because it is a natural motivator. Rude, loud, and obnoxious people really rub me the wrong way, especially with women. Some women naturally talk loud and to me that's fine. I mean when they are rude and ugly ON TOP OF loud and obnoxious. Like, eww. Stop it, please. Check yourself at the door. There is nothing cute or pretty about being loud and obnoxious especially in public and around others. Learn to be quiet sometimes. Learn to look mysterious, yet gentle. It will change the game, I'm telling you.
Being in control all the time and going against what your man is saying is not cool either. This is for my ladies who have a man/husband at home. If you're with a man you feel like you need to control, then why are you with him? If he isn't doing his job as a man, what are you doing? I'll be 26 this year. So I expect my followers are around my age, or older. So, I also expect that you are in a place in your life where you're in a serious relationship, or single, which is fine too. But, at this age, there is no excuse for why a man isn't being a man. Why he isn't doing his part, why he isn't stepping up to the plate? Most of us are knocking on 30 or already past that. If he don't got it together now sis, I don't know what to tell you. We all have flaws, but a MAN being a LEADER and someone worthy of following, should be something that he possesses right now this moment. But, let's say your man is worthy of you shutting up sometimes and letting him be the leader. Do you still feel like you need to be in control? Why? Learn to let go sometimes. Learn to allow your man to take on his natural role. When you try to wear the pants and take on the role of the man, you are putting out masculine energy and accepting masculine traits. Learn to listen to him first before you speak. Try not to yell and take over the conversation, especially in public. The one thing that screams masculine energy to me is a woman who doesn't let her man speak in public, talks over him, and disagrees with him in front of others. You disagree at home. To the public, ya'll are one and always on the same page. That term "get your woman" is not a toxic-masculinity term. It's literally saying, your woman is acting out of character. She's getting out of line. A lot of women today confuse being controlled by a man with respecting your king. You have to get out of that modern mindset if you want to get rid of the masculine energies you probably possess.
It is a struggle ladies, but we are women at the end of the day. There is a reason there was a woman created from a man. We are meant to be different. We are meant to be the softer one. We are meant to be led. We are meant to be nurturers and gentle souls. When you tap into your feminine side, it feels more natural. Once you let go of the masculine traits you've accepted into your everyday life, you will naturally feel more at peace. I know this because I once was the loud obnoxious person in high school. I've always been a submissive being, but I have not always been the soft and kind woman I am today. It is a challenge for a lot of us, but it is obtainable.
Thanks for reading. <3
Now, you look well kept and you're feeling good. But how are you acting? Are you a jealous person? Is it hard for you to congratulate people on big things in their life? Are you rude, loud, and obnoxious? Are you a woman who takes pleasure in defying your spouse? Do you always have to be in control? Is it hard for you to listen instead of speaking all the time? If you said yes to yourself on any of these things, it's possible that you have strayed away from your femininity. Being kind, modest, supportive, gentle, warm, sweet, etc. has a lot to do with having tapped into your femininity. It is not pretty to be an ugly jealous person. Full of gossip and negativity. Now, don't get me wrong, we allllll gossip. if you say you don't gossip, you're lying or you may not be lying, but trust me, in some way, you gossip. LOL. But, there are levels to "gossiping". I know for a FACT I am not the type of person that gossips and says rude things about someone when something good happens in their life. I am the complete opposite in that regard. I don't feel anger when someone else is doing better than me. Honestly, it motivates me to get on my shit more. But we also have to be careful with that, because we also need to accept the path and journey we are on. But, it is good to see other people around you winning because it is a natural motivator. Rude, loud, and obnoxious people really rub me the wrong way, especially with women. Some women naturally talk loud and to me that's fine. I mean when they are rude and ugly ON TOP OF loud and obnoxious. Like, eww. Stop it, please. Check yourself at the door. There is nothing cute or pretty about being loud and obnoxious especially in public and around others. Learn to be quiet sometimes. Learn to look mysterious, yet gentle. It will change the game, I'm telling you.
Being in control all the time and going against what your man is saying is not cool either. This is for my ladies who have a man/husband at home. If you're with a man you feel like you need to control, then why are you with him? If he isn't doing his job as a man, what are you doing? I'll be 26 this year. So I expect my followers are around my age, or older. So, I also expect that you are in a place in your life where you're in a serious relationship, or single, which is fine too. But, at this age, there is no excuse for why a man isn't being a man. Why he isn't doing his part, why he isn't stepping up to the plate? Most of us are knocking on 30 or already past that. If he don't got it together now sis, I don't know what to tell you. We all have flaws, but a MAN being a LEADER and someone worthy of following, should be something that he possesses right now this moment. But, let's say your man is worthy of you shutting up sometimes and letting him be the leader. Do you still feel like you need to be in control? Why? Learn to let go sometimes. Learn to allow your man to take on his natural role. When you try to wear the pants and take on the role of the man, you are putting out masculine energy and accepting masculine traits. Learn to listen to him first before you speak. Try not to yell and take over the conversation, especially in public. The one thing that screams masculine energy to me is a woman who doesn't let her man speak in public, talks over him, and disagrees with him in front of others. You disagree at home. To the public, ya'll are one and always on the same page. That term "get your woman" is not a toxic-masculinity term. It's literally saying, your woman is acting out of character. She's getting out of line. A lot of women today confuse being controlled by a man with respecting your king. You have to get out of that modern mindset if you want to get rid of the masculine energies you probably possess.
It is a struggle ladies, but we are women at the end of the day. There is a reason there was a woman created from a man. We are meant to be different. We are meant to be the softer one. We are meant to be led. We are meant to be nurturers and gentle souls. When you tap into your feminine side, it feels more natural. Once you let go of the masculine traits you've accepted into your everyday life, you will naturally feel more at peace. I know this because I once was the loud obnoxious person in high school. I've always been a submissive being, but I have not always been the soft and kind woman I am today. It is a challenge for a lot of us, but it is obtainable.
Thanks for reading. <3
Returning to the Working World After Childbirth
Let's just throw it all on the table, yea? Returning to work after having a baby is tough from what I've heard. After I had my son, I was not wanting to work. I was in school, but at the same time, I wanted to be a "stay at home mom". Back then, it was barely possible financially. We were penny pinching and it was pretty hard. That was back in 2015. So, imagine 6 years later. Prices of everything have gone up in so many ways and it is just absolutely not possible to support a family on one income unless that person is making close to 30$ an hour at the least. So, all that to say, I made sure to secure a good paying job straight after maternity leave. I go back to work in about two weeks and I am extremely nervous to say the least. Now yes, I have the blessing and ability to work from home. But, it is NOT as easy as it may sound. As some of you already know, Jeremy works from home and has been working from home since the very day I had Jazzy, our almost 3 month old daughter. When we first got home, it was pretty easy. All baby did was sleep and eat all day. Hardly ever whined. But now, she's staying up longer, she's whiny sometimes. Growth spurts, cluster-hunger as I call it, you name it, she will whine about it. As expected. Jeremy works on the phones all day, so it is rough that we don't have a designated office space where background noises aren't exactly a thing. Seeing how any little noise in the house can cost him a call, makes me worried for when I go back to work. Now, granted, his job is super strict on background noises. I am not sure if my new job will be that way. I have been really trying to research how to work from home with kids successfully. But, I may just ask some ladies from my team when I start. I am human and I am also a mother. I am sure I will not be the only person with a baby at home. But, apart from the working at home thing, lets talk about returning to work period after having a baby. O.K, yeah, working from home is a plus, but at the same time, I do still have to be prompt to a job at a certain time. For 8 hours or more throughout the day I have to be focused on my work. It is still the same as going to a brick and mortar, but requires more self discipline. I speak for myself and most mothers when I say that the last thing we want to do is have to leave our babies and return to a work environment. Even though I won't be 'leaving' exactly, she won't have my full attention all day. Those cuddles and cartoons all day are long gone. Deciding to eat whenever I feel like it is gone. Going with the flow without a schedule is gone. Now, things have to be in order. Things have to be more structured. That is a hard thing to return to after having a baby. So let's discuss some tips to make the transition easier.
First, do not beat yourself up for feeling overwhelmed. That is normal. Especially in today's world. I used to be the woman who wanted to be a stay at home mom and work together with my husband and kind of depend on him. I am not that woman anymore. I do want my own income. I yearn for that. But, I also yearn to make sure I am spending as much time with my kids as possible. Trying to work and take care of a family as a woman can be very overwhelming. So I know the feeling that comes over you as the time comes to go back to work after a baby. Just breathe. If you have a job to go back to, thank God for that. Some people don't have that option. Some women's jobs don't offer maternity leave. Some women lost their jobs while being away. Some women desperately need to find work, but can't. So lets thank the Most High that we have a job to go to after these little blessings are born.
Second, create a schedule. Yall know me, I am all about schedules. Even though I have not been the schedule type for the past 3 months, that's okay. I just had a baby so I can get away with that. But, as I get back into the workforce, that is not a very wise decision. Schedules are important because it keeps you and the family on track always. It is most definitely natural to go off schedule sometimes, but keeping one will make life more smooth. Especially when returning back to work. Make sure everyone has something to do when they get home from work/school. Give everyone a job or chore so that it makes things easier on you. If you just had a baby, all the more reason to give everyone a job. This way, after work, you can bond with the baby and get in on that missing time you had all day. If a baby isn't in the picture, it is still important to keep a schedule once every one is home to keep the green overwhelming monster off your back.
Third, if you're working from home. This is for you. I have pretty much mapped out how my day will look once I am dead smack in the middle of answering phone calls while I have a baby 3 feet away from me, or 3 inches away.
NAP SCHEDULES WILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. When baby girl is napping, I get a lot done. So I know that once she's napping while I'm working, I will get a lot done. Make sure to have a nap schedule mapped out for your baby. Depending on how many breaks you have, make sure to schedule a feeding or diaper change during that time. That way, baby is less likely to be fussy when you're back on the clock. If you can also rock the baby to sleep during this time, you are a champion mama. More than likely the baby will be with you in your workspace for the whole day, so make sure to keep the space as dark as possible if you can, during nap times for baby. Utilize a desk lamp if need be so that you can still see what you're doing. This will promote a better sleep for baby, and result into more hours of uninterrupted work time.
Next, make sure that your partner and yourself understand the changes that are about to take place. If you're going back to work physically, make sure you two know what your roles are with child care drop offs/pick ups. Make sure that you guys understand each other's schedule if it is a set one. Knowing when the other will be leaving for work, coming home, etc. This way there is no confusion, "where you at" texts, or whatever the case is. Be transparent about exactly what will come of the days ahead as much as possible to avoid stress and arguments. Going back to work after having a baby is a BIG DEAL. It's a whole new life and schedule. As we all know, men don't listen. LOL. Kidding. Not really. So, make sure you communicate with the other person. Sit down and draw up a schedule that works for you guys to make the transition smoother. Who will pick up/drop off the kids? Who can prep dinner first? Who will be home in time to star the laundry? I mean, all of those little miscellaneous things we don't think about that starts those little petty arguments, get those kinks out. Iron out everything so everyone knows what their job and role is. IT WILL BE OK.
It is not easy being a working mama, but we have to do it to make sure our families stay afloat and happy. It may be hard, but damn is it rewarding to know that you can help provide financially for your family.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more working mama posts as I get back into the groove of working full time, going to school full time, and taking care of my new baby full time. Peace!
First, do not beat yourself up for feeling overwhelmed. That is normal. Especially in today's world. I used to be the woman who wanted to be a stay at home mom and work together with my husband and kind of depend on him. I am not that woman anymore. I do want my own income. I yearn for that. But, I also yearn to make sure I am spending as much time with my kids as possible. Trying to work and take care of a family as a woman can be very overwhelming. So I know the feeling that comes over you as the time comes to go back to work after a baby. Just breathe. If you have a job to go back to, thank God for that. Some people don't have that option. Some women's jobs don't offer maternity leave. Some women lost their jobs while being away. Some women desperately need to find work, but can't. So lets thank the Most High that we have a job to go to after these little blessings are born.
Second, create a schedule. Yall know me, I am all about schedules. Even though I have not been the schedule type for the past 3 months, that's okay. I just had a baby so I can get away with that. But, as I get back into the workforce, that is not a very wise decision. Schedules are important because it keeps you and the family on track always. It is most definitely natural to go off schedule sometimes, but keeping one will make life more smooth. Especially when returning back to work. Make sure everyone has something to do when they get home from work/school. Give everyone a job or chore so that it makes things easier on you. If you just had a baby, all the more reason to give everyone a job. This way, after work, you can bond with the baby and get in on that missing time you had all day. If a baby isn't in the picture, it is still important to keep a schedule once every one is home to keep the green overwhelming monster off your back.
Third, if you're working from home. This is for you. I have pretty much mapped out how my day will look once I am dead smack in the middle of answering phone calls while I have a baby 3 feet away from me, or 3 inches away.
NAP SCHEDULES WILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. When baby girl is napping, I get a lot done. So I know that once she's napping while I'm working, I will get a lot done. Make sure to have a nap schedule mapped out for your baby. Depending on how many breaks you have, make sure to schedule a feeding or diaper change during that time. That way, baby is less likely to be fussy when you're back on the clock. If you can also rock the baby to sleep during this time, you are a champion mama. More than likely the baby will be with you in your workspace for the whole day, so make sure to keep the space as dark as possible if you can, during nap times for baby. Utilize a desk lamp if need be so that you can still see what you're doing. This will promote a better sleep for baby, and result into more hours of uninterrupted work time.
Next, make sure that your partner and yourself understand the changes that are about to take place. If you're going back to work physically, make sure you two know what your roles are with child care drop offs/pick ups. Make sure that you guys understand each other's schedule if it is a set one. Knowing when the other will be leaving for work, coming home, etc. This way there is no confusion, "where you at" texts, or whatever the case is. Be transparent about exactly what will come of the days ahead as much as possible to avoid stress and arguments. Going back to work after having a baby is a BIG DEAL. It's a whole new life and schedule. As we all know, men don't listen. LOL. Kidding. Not really. So, make sure you communicate with the other person. Sit down and draw up a schedule that works for you guys to make the transition smoother. Who will pick up/drop off the kids? Who can prep dinner first? Who will be home in time to star the laundry? I mean, all of those little miscellaneous things we don't think about that starts those little petty arguments, get those kinks out. Iron out everything so everyone knows what their job and role is. IT WILL BE OK.
It is not easy being a working mama, but we have to do it to make sure our families stay afloat and happy. It may be hard, but damn is it rewarding to know that you can help provide financially for your family.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more working mama posts as I get back into the groove of working full time, going to school full time, and taking care of my new baby full time. Peace!
An Interview with the Wise💌
Meet my mother, Nadia. Beautiful vibrant soul who has grown so much in the past 25 years. I've watched her become a better version of the already amazing person that she is. We were not always close, though. However our relationship blossomed into something great and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm glad we did most of our mother-daughter arguing when I was just a kid. Now, she's my best friend. We talk about everything, we laugh uncontrollably daily, and we connect on such a deeper level now that I am older. Love you, Mom. Thank you for allowing me to feature you on my site!
With love,
Janecia.
With love,
Janecia.
What does it feel like being in your 40s in 2021?
Like I'm living in a different universe. I'm sure my parents felt the same way when I was a teenager... in just a decade the world around us changes so much its like you don't even recognize it anymore.
What are 3 things you’ve noticed that you have changed in your life since you were 20?
My whole thought process on being a mom, wife a caregiver. Didn't have great examples of what that looked like growing up, so it took a while to understand what that meant as a whole. More health conscious, try to watch how much processed food I eat. Stopped dying my hair, letting the gray shine through.
Where is somewhere you'd like to travel with your family and why?
Washington D.C. - want to show my family the Vietnam Memorial Wall, the wall my dad Melvin Thompson taught me so much about.
If you could go on a solo vacation where would it be and why?
Greece - I've always loved the landscape and the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Is being a grandma to two grandchildren what you thought it would be?
No... always pictured myself old, gray and retired. But, happy that I'm not... I still have the energy to keep up with them and enjoy the time I spend with them.
What is some advice you can give on raising a little girl in today's times?
Teach your daughter that their body is a temple, it is to be cherished and covered. Not like a long sleeve, down to your ankles dress or anything, but dress respectable and you'll get respect everywhere you go. Leave something to the imagination and STAY AWAY from SOCIAL MEDIA... its the devil! :-)
What are some of the things you do to keep you sane during the times we are living in now?
Drink! LOL but no... read, stay connected with what's going on in our society - try to stay up to date with things going on. Daily scripture readings and studying the word.
Do you feel a sense of responsibility to the younger generation now that you’re in your 40s?
When it comes to my immediate family yes... the older should be teaching the younger, not sure what happened to that concept.
Being that you’ve now been married 10 years, what is some advice you can give to young couples who strive for a successful marriage/relationship?
Know who you're getting into a relationship with... not just do they work hard or are willing to provide. Know what they like or dislike... for the woman.. can they fix things if they break down... willing to figure out how to get it done? what are his/her spending habits. Communication is great, but some things can't be talked out
Now that you’re in your 40s how would you say your view on the world has changed since you were in your 20s?
I didn't really care or had any views about the world when I was younger, didn't know how much what happens in other places around the world effected what happens here in the US. Obviously I'm older and wiser and understand more how things work in the world. The higher ups of the US have made it easy for us to live in our little world "USA" and think we're the only people on the planet that matter.
Now that you’ve been a working woman for over 20 years, what advice would you give younger people who are afraid of entering the workplace full time and becoming stagnant in life?
Shout out to my Sister Meagan and Brother-in-law Chris for living life first... traveling and doing what people do before settling down and having kids. Doing this first gives the stagnant life a better look... but as a young person starting a career, life doesn't have to become stagnant... this is the time to travel and live life. Also, living life is way more than clubbing, drinking and doing drugs. Trust me... doing those things will get you stuck in a black hole you can't get out of! For me... having a child pushed me to do better, yes that created a hard life for myself... but it was the push I needed to do better. It has taken me a long time to get where I am.
How do manage self-care while working full time & tending to a family?
Haven't figured that out yet... I take what I can get. Self-care for me is just getting away spending time doing mindless activities. Even if its vegging out watching TV. Getting my nails done, maybe a girls night out. Anything that take my mind off the everyday stressors... work, taking kids to school, dr appointments, paying bills etc.
What is your overall advice for staying happy while getting older and what are your tips on how to embrace aging instead of being afraid?
I've never looked at aging as a bad thing... you just have to be comfortable in your own skin. I'm a realist and for me... you live to die, but it's how you live the life the most high has blessed you with.
How I've Managed Sunday Blues
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My Weekend Routine to Make the Upcoming Week Less Hectic
Sunday Blues is something I've dealt with all my life growing up. I actually did not know it was called "Sunday Blues", or that it even had a name. All I knew was that every Sunday once the afternoon hit, I started to become extremely depressed and anxious. I never really understood why and it was really starting to weigh heavy on me that every Sunday, something was stealing my joy and happiness as I would try my best to push through the day and be happy, it hardly ever happened. Once I got older, I looked it up and there it was, an explanation on what it was that I was feeling and how I was not alone. At all. Most people who suffer from the Sunday Blues are those who are in school and or working. Monday comes so fast like a thief in the night and we dread going back to school or to work. Sometimes it may not even be school or work that is bothering you, sometimes a Sunday Blues can stem from knowing the relaxing weekend is over. Even if you aren't working or in school, 90 percent of us use the weekdays to do important things and knowing that the week ahead is infested with responsibility can cause the Sunday Blues too. I can't say that I have mastered overcoming the Sunday Blues just yet, however, I can say that I have conjured up a routine that makes my Sundays less dreadful and the week ahead less hectic.
As of right now, I am on maternity leave so I am not working during the week and I can say it has been beautiful. However, I do go to school online and so once Monday comes, I do feel that sense of major responsibility. A new week of loads of homework and deadlines on top of a newborn baby. Understanding how to master your life is very important because when you learn how to take more control of the things you can control, things run more smoothly. There is no reason to let Sunday steal your joy. I am a Sunday start person, not a Monday start person. To me, a Sunday is a new start to a new week. Clean slate. New beginnings. Instead of using my Sunday to be lazy, I try and use my Sundays to be productive/active, but also take care of my mental health so that the week ahead does not seem so daunting. That can mean doing some writing, planning, going to the park with my family, making a nice dinner, making sure everything is squared away and prepared for the week, etc. My routine for managing Sunday Blues starts on Fridays. Yep. You read correct. In order to have a peaceful yet productive Sunday, I need to start doing things on Friday so that Sunday I am not running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
On Fridays I start preparing the laundry to be washed and I start to pick up around the house. Whatever got left behind during the week, I see what needs to be done and I try my best to knock that task off my to do list. Fridays we usually try out best to do a full clean of the house. Not a deep clean, but a clean. Make sure all the trash is taken out, the bathrooms aren't a wreck, the living room is vacuumed and organized, our room and my sons room is picked up, and things are tidy. Saturday is really my day to do with what I want, because it is the last day of the week. I don't usually have a schedule on Saturdays other than to maintain the clean house and IF deep cleaning needs to happen, I'll do that Saturday mornings after my coffee. I also use my Saturdays as an errand day if need be and a day to catch up on school work. But, on Friday evenings and Saturdays I like to refer to my master cleaning list and just see if any of those things need to be done and make sure it is done before Sunday. If I can get all of my cleaning and laundry done and out of the day Fridays and Saturdays, then Sunday can be my day to feel refreshed and ready to take on the week. If you leave all of your cleaning to Sunday, it feels as if you are starting your week off doing all the things you dread doing. You see? But, if you take the time over the course of two days to get everything done you need to get done, (cleaning and super important tasks), Sunday can be left for everything that is mentally pleasing. Cooking a nice Sunday dinner, planning your week, making lists for the week ahead, checking in with yourself to see how your week was and what you can do better for the week ahead, making a body scrub, shaving, painting your nails, styling your hair, going to the park with your family and getting active, having a family day, getting your fresh air in. All the things that you love to do, do that on Sundays. That way, you don't feel as if Sunday is stealing your joy and more of like it brings you joy to arrive at your Sunday. Start your week off happy and refreshed. Start the week off with a clean home instead of spending the day cleaning. Start making Sunday the day you focus on your happiness and mental health. Make Sunday the day you look forward to and not the day you dread. The better your Sunday is, the more likely you are to have a positive attitude about the week ahead and have a better Monday.
Below are a few pictures from my online organizer. The first is a weekly recap. This is something I sit down and do every Sunday to recap the week I just had. It helps me reflect better and holds me accountable. The master cleaning list is what I refer do when I do my weekly/monthly cleans. Lastly, the Sunday Self Care picture is just a list of things that are nice to do on Sundays. I then have a list of things that I strive to do every Sunday to help me feel better and to bond with my loved ones.
I hope this helps anyone who suffers from the Sunday Blues. Lets tackle the week together and make Sundays our best day! A great start to the week helps your brain want to have a great rest of the week. Stay tuned for more posts. Happy Sunday!
As of right now, I am on maternity leave so I am not working during the week and I can say it has been beautiful. However, I do go to school online and so once Monday comes, I do feel that sense of major responsibility. A new week of loads of homework and deadlines on top of a newborn baby. Understanding how to master your life is very important because when you learn how to take more control of the things you can control, things run more smoothly. There is no reason to let Sunday steal your joy. I am a Sunday start person, not a Monday start person. To me, a Sunday is a new start to a new week. Clean slate. New beginnings. Instead of using my Sunday to be lazy, I try and use my Sundays to be productive/active, but also take care of my mental health so that the week ahead does not seem so daunting. That can mean doing some writing, planning, going to the park with my family, making a nice dinner, making sure everything is squared away and prepared for the week, etc. My routine for managing Sunday Blues starts on Fridays. Yep. You read correct. In order to have a peaceful yet productive Sunday, I need to start doing things on Friday so that Sunday I am not running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
On Fridays I start preparing the laundry to be washed and I start to pick up around the house. Whatever got left behind during the week, I see what needs to be done and I try my best to knock that task off my to do list. Fridays we usually try out best to do a full clean of the house. Not a deep clean, but a clean. Make sure all the trash is taken out, the bathrooms aren't a wreck, the living room is vacuumed and organized, our room and my sons room is picked up, and things are tidy. Saturday is really my day to do with what I want, because it is the last day of the week. I don't usually have a schedule on Saturdays other than to maintain the clean house and IF deep cleaning needs to happen, I'll do that Saturday mornings after my coffee. I also use my Saturdays as an errand day if need be and a day to catch up on school work. But, on Friday evenings and Saturdays I like to refer to my master cleaning list and just see if any of those things need to be done and make sure it is done before Sunday. If I can get all of my cleaning and laundry done and out of the day Fridays and Saturdays, then Sunday can be my day to feel refreshed and ready to take on the week. If you leave all of your cleaning to Sunday, it feels as if you are starting your week off doing all the things you dread doing. You see? But, if you take the time over the course of two days to get everything done you need to get done, (cleaning and super important tasks), Sunday can be left for everything that is mentally pleasing. Cooking a nice Sunday dinner, planning your week, making lists for the week ahead, checking in with yourself to see how your week was and what you can do better for the week ahead, making a body scrub, shaving, painting your nails, styling your hair, going to the park with your family and getting active, having a family day, getting your fresh air in. All the things that you love to do, do that on Sundays. That way, you don't feel as if Sunday is stealing your joy and more of like it brings you joy to arrive at your Sunday. Start your week off happy and refreshed. Start the week off with a clean home instead of spending the day cleaning. Start making Sunday the day you focus on your happiness and mental health. Make Sunday the day you look forward to and not the day you dread. The better your Sunday is, the more likely you are to have a positive attitude about the week ahead and have a better Monday.
Below are a few pictures from my online organizer. The first is a weekly recap. This is something I sit down and do every Sunday to recap the week I just had. It helps me reflect better and holds me accountable. The master cleaning list is what I refer do when I do my weekly/monthly cleans. Lastly, the Sunday Self Care picture is just a list of things that are nice to do on Sundays. I then have a list of things that I strive to do every Sunday to help me feel better and to bond with my loved ones.
I hope this helps anyone who suffers from the Sunday Blues. Lets tackle the week together and make Sundays our best day! A great start to the week helps your brain want to have a great rest of the week. Stay tuned for more posts. Happy Sunday!
Dealing with Anxiety and Depression as a Mother & Ways to Free Your Mind from Captivity
Dealing with anxiety and depression in today's world is easier than it was back in the day. I say that because there are so many resources, therapists, medications, and people who are coming out with their mental health issues and being transparent so that others don't feel alone. The thing with that is though, a lot of the time we are not being taught or coached on how to train our minds to be mentally strong. We are being medicated and we are paying for therapy or to see a psychiatrist that costs hundreds of dollars especially if you do not have insurance. Now, please, do NOT get me wrong, therapy can be a great thing for some people who do not have any where else to turn and who need an outlet, however, I've personally myself seen a psychiatrist/therapist. That person immediately tried to medicate me without even trying to give me natural alternatives to try first and that rubbed me the wrong way. Needless to say, I never went back. I can say that there are some people who's depression is very severe and they may need medication. I am not one of those people, and yet the psychiatrist wanted to medicate me. Why is that? Hmm, I won't get into a controversial conversation about big PHARMA, but if you know, you know. Anyway, I believe it is time for us to take our minds back and free ourselves. Everyday for me is an uphill battle dealing with my anxiety and depression but you know what? I am doing it and without medications. That means there are so many people out here in this world who if they just took the time to retrain their minds, they could also fight every single day to be more mentally strong.
As most of you know, I just had my second child a little over a month ago. The last few weeks have been mentally draining and my anxiety and depression showed it's face in a way I was not expecting. Most would call it postpartum depression, but because I deal with anxiety and depression in life period, I couldn't say whether it was postpartum or not, but regardless, it was NOT fun. For a few weeks I cried everyday. I was constantly worried about something bad happening to me or one of my kids. I literally thought my partner had fell out of love with me. I was being such an emotional burden on him for weeks because my brain literally was telling me he didn't love me. Which couldn't be farther from the truth. Everyday felt dark and I was just sad. I was watching the news a lot and that did not help. This world is seriously going to hell in a handbasket and it shows daily. The news depressed me on a whole other level. So much so that I had to stop watching it and even took the app off my phone. But you know what though, a lot of those feelings were my own fault. I had to take some responsibility for how depressed I was those few weeks. I am not putting the entire blame on myself, but I will say that I sat here and wallowed in the darkness. I was not doing anything to help me feel better or not feel those things. I was not being mentally strong, rather I was succumbing to my emotions and allowing myself to live in my head. One day, I decided you know what, enough is enough. I am NOT going to sit here and just be extremely depressed for no reason. I had no reason. I have a beautiful family, a man who adores me and treats me like a queen, a roof over my head, bills paid, a peaceful home. I had no reason to sit around and let my mind be my own worst enemy. So I chose to figure it out what it is I needed to do to keep my mind on the positives and not the negatives. I had to start the process of retraining my mind to wake up and think positive and not negative. I had to start being more present and learning to block my mind off when it's time. It has been a challenge, but man the reward has been amazing. I have felt so great the past two weeks and so I wanted to share a few things I started doing to retrain my mind and also to keep my mental health at a level that is good enough for me not to literally lose my shit.
- Prayer. Prayer has done wonders for me. I realize everyday that I forget to pray to God and ask him for his guidance, I don't have the best day. Meditate and take a few moments each day to allow the most High into your heart and mind. Leave no space for those anxious and depressing thoughts.
- Journaling. Journaling has really been a great stress reliever. Being able to dump my brain on paper and just write my feelings has helped keep those feelings from entering my brain so much and instead live on the paper.
- Planning! OMG. Planning is one of my favorite things to do and it really is a therapeutic. I have a happy planner, a daily to do list planner and I use google calendar. Every planner has it's own purpose and using these three things daily makes me happy and helps me have something to do so that I am not in my head constantly. Stay tuned for a post on my planner system and how it works for me.
- Blogging. Working on this blog has kept me from having an idle mind. It is also something I love to do.
- Waking up early. Waking up at a fairly early hour has helped a lot too. Because I have a newborn, obviously this is something I cannot avoid. However, instead of being frantic in the mornings, I've taken the liberty of waking up earlier and giving myself time to breath. I feed the baby, get my oldest ready for school and once he's off to the bus, I lay the baby down for a little morning snooze and put my coffee on. I step outside and drink my coffee and some days if I don't make it outside I make sure to sit at the table and listen to some jazz music or do some writing. Just a small activity to get my mind going and gain some energy if I need it.
- Watching things with meaning or purpose. When I am on YouTube searching for things to watch I make sure whatever it is that I am searching is positive so that I don't ever get any negative recommendations in the algorithm. I also make sure when I search for things to watch on Hulu and Netflix, whatever it is, has some type of purpose and not just some shallow movie or show. I also stopped watching scary films because overtime these types of movies have messed with my head and triggered my anxiety to go through the roof.
Keep things in your mind and in your reach that has no negative connotation. I know sometimes we cannot help the negatives and sometimes negatives come our way. That is when we fight through it. That is when we use our minds as a tool for us instead of submitting to our minds like it is our master. Thinking too much and sitting idly is no way to be. When they say an idle mind is the devil's playground that is one of the truest statements. Keep your mind busy with good things. Take care of your kids, your home, and most importantly yourself. Always remember to keep the most High at the center of all things and pray to him for guidance when you seem lost. The first step to a strong mind is going to the most High and asking for his help. He will then pave the way for you.
As most of you know, I just had my second child a little over a month ago. The last few weeks have been mentally draining and my anxiety and depression showed it's face in a way I was not expecting. Most would call it postpartum depression, but because I deal with anxiety and depression in life period, I couldn't say whether it was postpartum or not, but regardless, it was NOT fun. For a few weeks I cried everyday. I was constantly worried about something bad happening to me or one of my kids. I literally thought my partner had fell out of love with me. I was being such an emotional burden on him for weeks because my brain literally was telling me he didn't love me. Which couldn't be farther from the truth. Everyday felt dark and I was just sad. I was watching the news a lot and that did not help. This world is seriously going to hell in a handbasket and it shows daily. The news depressed me on a whole other level. So much so that I had to stop watching it and even took the app off my phone. But you know what though, a lot of those feelings were my own fault. I had to take some responsibility for how depressed I was those few weeks. I am not putting the entire blame on myself, but I will say that I sat here and wallowed in the darkness. I was not doing anything to help me feel better or not feel those things. I was not being mentally strong, rather I was succumbing to my emotions and allowing myself to live in my head. One day, I decided you know what, enough is enough. I am NOT going to sit here and just be extremely depressed for no reason. I had no reason. I have a beautiful family, a man who adores me and treats me like a queen, a roof over my head, bills paid, a peaceful home. I had no reason to sit around and let my mind be my own worst enemy. So I chose to figure it out what it is I needed to do to keep my mind on the positives and not the negatives. I had to start the process of retraining my mind to wake up and think positive and not negative. I had to start being more present and learning to block my mind off when it's time. It has been a challenge, but man the reward has been amazing. I have felt so great the past two weeks and so I wanted to share a few things I started doing to retrain my mind and also to keep my mental health at a level that is good enough for me not to literally lose my shit.
- Prayer. Prayer has done wonders for me. I realize everyday that I forget to pray to God and ask him for his guidance, I don't have the best day. Meditate and take a few moments each day to allow the most High into your heart and mind. Leave no space for those anxious and depressing thoughts.
- Journaling. Journaling has really been a great stress reliever. Being able to dump my brain on paper and just write my feelings has helped keep those feelings from entering my brain so much and instead live on the paper.
- Planning! OMG. Planning is one of my favorite things to do and it really is a therapeutic. I have a happy planner, a daily to do list planner and I use google calendar. Every planner has it's own purpose and using these three things daily makes me happy and helps me have something to do so that I am not in my head constantly. Stay tuned for a post on my planner system and how it works for me.
- Blogging. Working on this blog has kept me from having an idle mind. It is also something I love to do.
- Waking up early. Waking up at a fairly early hour has helped a lot too. Because I have a newborn, obviously this is something I cannot avoid. However, instead of being frantic in the mornings, I've taken the liberty of waking up earlier and giving myself time to breath. I feed the baby, get my oldest ready for school and once he's off to the bus, I lay the baby down for a little morning snooze and put my coffee on. I step outside and drink my coffee and some days if I don't make it outside I make sure to sit at the table and listen to some jazz music or do some writing. Just a small activity to get my mind going and gain some energy if I need it.
- Watching things with meaning or purpose. When I am on YouTube searching for things to watch I make sure whatever it is that I am searching is positive so that I don't ever get any negative recommendations in the algorithm. I also make sure when I search for things to watch on Hulu and Netflix, whatever it is, has some type of purpose and not just some shallow movie or show. I also stopped watching scary films because overtime these types of movies have messed with my head and triggered my anxiety to go through the roof.
Keep things in your mind and in your reach that has no negative connotation. I know sometimes we cannot help the negatives and sometimes negatives come our way. That is when we fight through it. That is when we use our minds as a tool for us instead of submitting to our minds like it is our master. Thinking too much and sitting idly is no way to be. When they say an idle mind is the devil's playground that is one of the truest statements. Keep your mind busy with good things. Take care of your kids, your home, and most importantly yourself. Always remember to keep the most High at the center of all things and pray to him for guidance when you seem lost. The first step to a strong mind is going to the most High and asking for his help. He will then pave the way for you.
Life After a Baby, Mom Guilt + Self Care Tips✨
Pregnancy is the easy part. Yeah, the morning sickness gets to you and the aches and pains gets to you, but trust me. Pregnancy is the easy part. We are super excited about the baby, buying all the cute clothes, looking at all the toys and baby gear, figuring out which diapers we're going to use, planning the gender reveal, planning the baby shower, scheduling maternity photos. Everyone is so nice and asking if you're ok, giving you extra food, checking in on you, It's nice. It really is. It's a beautiful thing and you just cannot wait to become a mom. You know that once your baby comes, nothing else in the world will matter. You are going to be the worlds greatest mom and you're going to do the best at it. Super mom if you will. You're going to wake up early and have an aesthetically pleasing morning with your baby, drink your coffee, be organized and have all your shit together.
Then the baby gets here and everything you thought you knew goes out the window. Of course, your little babe is everything you wanted and more. They are sweet, cute, cuddly, and most important the love of your life. But then reality sets in and you realize that this cute cuddly baby is yours, forever. This baby depends on you for everything. They need you for everything. You start realizing that motherhood is not the always beautiful mom with her shit together and the expensive cute baby clothes taking long walks every morning and having all of this amazing energy. I've watched plenty of videos like that and although it can be that way, that is not what it truly is. |
Motherhood is tired baggy eyes. Motherhood is crazy hair that probably has not been combed in days. As we speak, my hair is in a style that I am embarrassed to even say how long its been in. Motherhood is very late nights and very early mornings. Motherhood is trying to sleep while the baby is sleeping during the day, but you know that if you do that, everything else won't get done. Motherhood is waking up with one eye open at 3:00 am to feed for at the very least, 2 months in a row. Every. Single. Night. Now it does not stay this way for long, but this part is very challenging and exhausting. It's 10:20PM on a Monday night as I write this. Today I feel a sense of accomplishment because I had breakfast before 11:00AM and I managed to get dinner done before 9:00PM and the dishwashing cycle with the bottles I need for the night has finished. I also managed to shower before midnight, that one was a real mind blower. Those little victories made me feel accomplished. Most mornings, I don't even eat breakfast because I am so tired. Most evenings dinner is done super late because I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off in the evening once my partner gets off of work, (he works from home), trying to straighten up a little bit, clean some bottles, tend to my 6 year old, check his backpack for work and books, ask him what he learned at school, and make sure he's not feeling neglected. Then, once I can look up and not see a pig sty, I start dinner. Lots of nights, when I have it, this is the part where I pour a glass of wine.
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Yep. A glass of wine, cooking, and two kids who need me just a few feet away. You think I think that makes me a bad mom? I used to. But now, I have done away with certain things that create "mom guilt". Let me let you in on a totally obvious "secret", those little moments, are the moments that keep you sane. Yes, sane. A glass of wine while cooking dinner in the kitchen by yourself, that tiny moment can change the rest of the night for the better. I am not saying down the whole bottle, that is unless you have a sober care taker around to help out. Kidding. Not really. But seriously though, just one glass. One glass to take the edge off from the totally rough day you had. That one glass I consider self care. Those 10 minutes while cooking and drinking your wine can alter the rest of your evening. Maybe you are less likely to yell or get agitated now. Maybe you feel more calm and you're able to pay more attention without getting frazzled. For me, that feeling is having a glass of wine a night. But your "wine" can be anything. It can be stepping out on the porch for 10 minutes and getting fresh air. It could be a long shower with no interruptions. It can be sitting at the table with a book and no distractions. By taking 10-30 minutes each day to yourself, you are telling yourself that you are loved. You are giving yourself a feeling of self worth because you are treating yourself to an activity that makes you feel good. I know most of us struggle with the feeling on mom guilt. Feeling like you're a bad mom if you take those extra minutes to yourself. I am here to tell you that that is a lie. That is not true whatsoever. Because the truth of the matter is, if you are not taking care of yourself and if you are not taking those small moments for yourself, you will end up depressed. You will end up resenting everyone around you because you are constantly taking care of others and not yourself. When you aren't happy, the kids will not be happy and your spouse will not be happy. Take the time to take care of you. Whatever it is that you love to do, find that, and make that apart of your daily routine. Make time for "me time" daily. Not just once a month and not just twice a week. Self care needs to happen on a daily basis so that you constantly are aware that you are also taking care of yourself. Now yes those spa days, nail shop days, hair appointment days, all of those days of self maintenance aren't daily, but that self care? Needs to happen on a regular.
Here are a few of my tips for self care everyday that you can squeeze in without neglecting anyone.
If you can manage, wake up 20 minutes before baby and/or the rest of the kids. Do some meditating, prayer, and journaling. A quiet activity. Something that isn't stimulating your brain too much and making you feel overwhelmed. Find a hobby. Something you love doing and have a passion for. Maybe something you used to do but let it go because "you're a mom now". That is no excuse to let go of your passions honey. Whoever told you that needs to go kick rocks. We can be moms and still have passions outside of our children so please, whatever that was that you let go, pick it back up again. If you're not too much of a morning person then at night make sure your school aged kids are in bed at a decent hour. For me that's no later than 8:30 PM. Why? Because he gets the rest he needs and I get a few hours to do things I need/want to do. Make sure baby is fed, changed, and down for the count. Once that happens, take that little free time you have while you have it to do an activity you love. For me, that's drinking something warm and writing on my laptop sitting next to Jeremy while he plays his game. That small thing is something that I need every night in order to feel calm and feel good. I have made it apart of my night routine and I cherish it so much. I look forward to that little thing everyday and that is what you want for yourself. You want to make sure everyday you are looking forward to something you're going to do for you. Doing these things will help you be a better, less frazzled, version of yourself so that you can be a much more patient and happier mama. These children are such beautiful blessings and we need to make sure we take care of us so we can take care of them. It's an exhausting and rewarding job and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Take care of yourselves, mamas. That's all for now. Stay tune for my next post about dealing with anxiety/depression and going through the motions as a mom in today's world. Peace. 💋
Here are a few of my tips for self care everyday that you can squeeze in without neglecting anyone.
If you can manage, wake up 20 minutes before baby and/or the rest of the kids. Do some meditating, prayer, and journaling. A quiet activity. Something that isn't stimulating your brain too much and making you feel overwhelmed. Find a hobby. Something you love doing and have a passion for. Maybe something you used to do but let it go because "you're a mom now". That is no excuse to let go of your passions honey. Whoever told you that needs to go kick rocks. We can be moms and still have passions outside of our children so please, whatever that was that you let go, pick it back up again. If you're not too much of a morning person then at night make sure your school aged kids are in bed at a decent hour. For me that's no later than 8:30 PM. Why? Because he gets the rest he needs and I get a few hours to do things I need/want to do. Make sure baby is fed, changed, and down for the count. Once that happens, take that little free time you have while you have it to do an activity you love. For me, that's drinking something warm and writing on my laptop sitting next to Jeremy while he plays his game. That small thing is something that I need every night in order to feel calm and feel good. I have made it apart of my night routine and I cherish it so much. I look forward to that little thing everyday and that is what you want for yourself. You want to make sure everyday you are looking forward to something you're going to do for you. Doing these things will help you be a better, less frazzled, version of yourself so that you can be a much more patient and happier mama. These children are such beautiful blessings and we need to make sure we take care of us so we can take care of them. It's an exhausting and rewarding job and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Take care of yourselves, mamas. That's all for now. Stay tune for my next post about dealing with anxiety/depression and going through the motions as a mom in today's world. Peace. 💋
A Note to Parents Who are Raising Gen Z Kids
I just barely made the cut. 1996 was the last year of the Millennial Generation. I am one lucky son-of-a-gun. I'm just going to come right out and say it. These generation Z kids are an entire mess and a half. Yep, I said it. Fight me! 🤷♀️ I literally got rid of my social media a year ago because of the fact that I could not continue to see what this world was coming to. All I see constantly is these new aged kids showing their naked ass, literally and figuratively, all over social media and then some. Where did it all go wrong? Seriously? I am still trying to figure it out, but I am going to just say what I think happened. S O C I A L M E D I A and lack of parenting. Social media has become a cesspool of negativity and a breeding ground for people who have no self worth to try and get their hands on our children and turn them out. There was a time when it literally took a village and it was the village who was raising the kids. People were not sensitive when someone said something about their child cutting up or acting out. The belt still had an effect and respect was not a foreign word. When I was growing up, if the situation called for it, I got my butt tapped. My dad sat me down and would explain what it is I did wrong and I'd get my punishment. My parents kept me out of "grown folks" business. Stay in a Childs' place was a term I heard almost daily. I don't hear that term at all anymore. Not only that, kids are not getting their butts whooped anymore. I am no fan of having to do so, but when it calls for it, it needs to happen. We are doing nothing but creating a generation of spoiled weak kids. Social media is showing kids that they can have a certain life or that they need to have this certain life. That they need to have this certain type of lifestyle and so they think they need to live that way too. Comparing their lives to the lives of others who may have more than them and allowing it to consume them and make them feel as if they need that. So they start to become depressed with the life they have and not being humble to what they have. People are telling kids that it is O.K. to be sensitive and triggered. You are abusing your kid if you don't let them change their gender at 10 years old or if you actually discipline them in public. I have also seen parents just completely give up on parenting all together. Parents who are their kids' friends. Parents who do not discipline their kids at all, let them run wild, take up for them when the teacher calls and complains, and the worst one is not giving consequences when it sees fit. We have to get it together as a community, people. If these are the types of kids that are going to be the doctors, chefs, congressmen, congresswomen, presidents, police officers, child advocates, etc. we are in trouble. It is never too late to start trying to teach your children how to be better, less entitled human beings. If you are one of those parents who are allowing your child to walk around entitled, no consequences, utilizing social media and not monitoring the type of things they are ingesting into their minds: YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. Period. FIX. IT. Now. Get a hold of your kids before you have no influence over them anymore. Spend more time with them, talk to them and see where their head is at, limit their social media, do more family outings, family game nights, anything. Spend more time with them because if you aren't you know who is? Lil Nas X flaunting his wannabe pregnant belly on your child's Instagram and YouTube.
Now if you're one of those parents who have done everything right and have provided your child with a loving home and a caring environment, all I have to say to you is, DO NOT STRESS IT. If your child decides to go against everything you've taught them and be a product of this new world, that is not your fault. You did your best and you tried and please do not stress yourself into an early grave because your child sees everything else as something better than what you tried to offer. Sometimes kids can have the best homes and still come out unruly. When that happens, I chalk it up to they were born with a mind to disobey. It is a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes it is just not in a persons' heart or mind to want to listen and do right. My dad always told me, "you have to fight that thing inside of you that make you want to do wrong when you know you have to do right." This life is a fight and wanting to give into our flesh is an even bigger fight. Some of us have that fight in us to want to do right, and some of us don't. Those kids that don't, you have to let life deal with them and hope they make it out alive long enough to change for the better.
I had the best parents. No they were not perfect and back then they were not into the Bible the way they are now, but they did their best and most of all, they disciplined me. I rebelled a lot in high school and when I graduated I immediately left home to live with someone who was not worth my time. He ended up being someone I was with for 6 years, had a child, got married, and divorced all within a 6 years time. I was verbally and emotionally abused on a daily basis and was miserable. My parents tried to warn me, but I wanted to be grown and thought I knew what I was talking about. Guess where I ended up at the end of it all? Right there back at square one with my parents. Only this time with wine glasses raised with my mom ;). The point I'm trying to make is, I had parents who tried to lead me right and because I wanted to rebel, God quickly showed me what happens when you disobey. I humbled myself, but also learned my lesson. But do you want to know why I was able to humble myself, see my wrongs, and ended up going back to what I knew growing up? Because my parents did right in their parenting by me. They did not allow me to grow up without consequence and entitled so it was already in me to be a better person as I matured. These new children, they don't understand that because all they know is the world telling them it's ok to be sensitive and their parents being more of their friend than their mentor. When that happens, you create monsters.
Do better. That's all I have to say. Thanks for coming to my TED TALK! Peace!
Now if you're one of those parents who have done everything right and have provided your child with a loving home and a caring environment, all I have to say to you is, DO NOT STRESS IT. If your child decides to go against everything you've taught them and be a product of this new world, that is not your fault. You did your best and you tried and please do not stress yourself into an early grave because your child sees everything else as something better than what you tried to offer. Sometimes kids can have the best homes and still come out unruly. When that happens, I chalk it up to they were born with a mind to disobey. It is a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes it is just not in a persons' heart or mind to want to listen and do right. My dad always told me, "you have to fight that thing inside of you that make you want to do wrong when you know you have to do right." This life is a fight and wanting to give into our flesh is an even bigger fight. Some of us have that fight in us to want to do right, and some of us don't. Those kids that don't, you have to let life deal with them and hope they make it out alive long enough to change for the better.
I had the best parents. No they were not perfect and back then they were not into the Bible the way they are now, but they did their best and most of all, they disciplined me. I rebelled a lot in high school and when I graduated I immediately left home to live with someone who was not worth my time. He ended up being someone I was with for 6 years, had a child, got married, and divorced all within a 6 years time. I was verbally and emotionally abused on a daily basis and was miserable. My parents tried to warn me, but I wanted to be grown and thought I knew what I was talking about. Guess where I ended up at the end of it all? Right there back at square one with my parents. Only this time with wine glasses raised with my mom ;). The point I'm trying to make is, I had parents who tried to lead me right and because I wanted to rebel, God quickly showed me what happens when you disobey. I humbled myself, but also learned my lesson. But do you want to know why I was able to humble myself, see my wrongs, and ended up going back to what I knew growing up? Because my parents did right in their parenting by me. They did not allow me to grow up without consequence and entitled so it was already in me to be a better person as I matured. These new children, they don't understand that because all they know is the world telling them it's ok to be sensitive and their parents being more of their friend than their mentor. When that happens, you create monsters.
Do better. That's all I have to say. Thanks for coming to my TED TALK! Peace!