-Why Living Apart For a While Can be Better For the Longevity of Your Relationship-

It's been a while since I posted something... I think I've just been so overwhelmed lately and in my head. I for sure needed to take a step back from my blog and get a sense of clarity in my mind. Really and truly think about what I wanted to discuss this month. If you read the newsletter, this month we are taking things slow and steady. Gearing up for the madness to come, also known as summer time. Where tensions are high, it's hot as shit, and kids are running rampant. I think this is the time to really just take a breather and prepare our minds for a new season.
With that being said, one of the topics that I wanted to discuss this month was how living apart can be good for the relationship. Not a lot of people are mature enough for this type of decision. In fact, most people are too insecure for this. What happens is, when someone mentions something like living apart or having space, most people think that the other person is trying to cheat, wants to see someone else, or etc. 90 percent of the time, that is absolutely not the case.
You have to think about the decision we make to be with someone long term, or forever. Think about that for a second. Deciding to be with someone forever. Do you know how long forever is? A very long time. It is unrealistic to think that you can spend day in and day out with the same person constantly and not get tired of them sometimes. It's normal and it's okay. It is nothing to be ashamed of if you need space from your partner. But, so many people take offense to that and that to me means that you are not ready for a relationship. If you cannot handle the fact that your partner doesn't want to be around you all the time, then maybe you need to work on yourself and your insecurities. I used to feel the same way. I used to think space meant that you don't love me or that you want to see someone else. I am so happy that I've grown past that stage in my life. Because space is good. Absence does in fact make the heart grow fonder, I am a living witness to that.
Sometimes, we make decisions with our emotions and not our logic. That is something that my partner says ALL OF THE TIME. Getting in our feelings and emotions, making decisions, and not thinking correctly.
When we do that, we do nothing but harm ourselves and our partner. Not every decision can be made from emotions because most of the time, emotional decisions are the wrong ones. But learning from it is what truly matters. My partner and I had to make some really tough decisions lately. One of those being, living apart for a year. When I've mentioned it to people, their faces dim with disappointment or a lack of understanding. But, what people don't get is that, me and this man have spent everyday together since February of 2020. We were forced to be around each other 24/8 when COVID hit. My pregnancy was even worse. Things weren't good for us then financially and mentally. We've been through a lot. We've dealt with a lot in the past 2 years. And even though it made us stronger, it made us realize that in this short amount of time, we've gone through soooooo much. So much struggle. So many obstacles. So many trials. And as beautiful as it is that we've gotten through it together, we've realized that living apart would help us see each other in a different light. Because, if you are constantly going through a struggle and a battle with something in the presence of someone else or with that person, it overpowers and overshadows the things in that person that you would rather see. In other words, you start to take that person for granted. Because all you see are the things yall are struggling with. You forget the good things about them. You may start being more agitated with them and acting a certain way. You are probably seeing them like that more than you are seeing the good things. So, when you're living apart, and you both are on your shit, and you aren't getting too comfortable, it keeps that good vibe alive. It keeps the suspense and the fire alive. You aren't constantly seeing and going through a struggle with this person. Because THAT is marriage activity. You vow and promise for better or for worse. But, truly, to be going through a hell of motions with someone while under the same roof that you haven't made those vows to, is something that I feel like people need to stop doing. Because you're expecting wife/husband energy from a person who didn't even make that vow to you. For me, the idea of getting space and living apart and not constantly showing the struggle is a good thing. It makes it better in the long run, because it's like damn, I struggled with him, I struggled with her. But we had our separate spaces. we used our time apart to get on our shit. We weren't solely focused on the other person constantly. We had time to focus on ourselves. We got our shit right. Now when we come back together to live together we will be coming back greater. This may go over some heads. This may not make sense to all.
But all I am saying is, the reason you see people cheating that are getting what they need at home, but are too blind to see it, is because they are with that person so much. The relationship has gotten too comfortable. Maybe that other person isn't doing what they used to do. Maybe they are constantly seeing the ugly side of this person in a way they didn't before. So, they go out, and they search for something fresh. Something new. When you're living apart, you don't really have to do that. Why? Because now, you're going a week maybe two, without seeing that person. You are so excited to be around them when you do see them and everything that is good magnifies itself. That is the energy you need in relationships in the beginning. It keeps it going. Once it's time to take that next step, make those vows, you'll be ready. Why? Because you didn't already spend half of your relationship going through the hardest of struggle and bad times with this person. Now, we are taking that next step. Now we are vowing and promising that no matter what, I ain't going anywhere. And that promise should be kept, forever. So, take the time in the beginning to take things slower. Don't get too comfortable. Don't be so ready and willing to share a struggle with a person you don't even know will be around long enough to enjoy the come up with you. And most of all, do NOT move in together too quickly. Keep that fire. Keep your separate spaces. Because when the time is right for yall to take that next step, you'll appreciate it more.


Thanks for reading.