Good Evening <3
Please, grab your wine, your tea, or your feel good drink and read on.
Tonight will be short and sweet. I just want to talk a little bit about relationships and love language. Most people are not on the same level of romance in a relationship and sometimes things can get really difficult & stressful when that is the case. I have witnessed first hand that when relationships don't have a level of romantic involvement they can be ruined. You may think that the option to be romantic or not shouldn't ruin a relationship, but in all reality, being romantic and having someone to be romantic with is actually a love language. I want someone to be romantic and spontaneous to show that they care. Simple. You cannot love someone the way you want to love them, you love someone the way they want to be loved and in return they will do the same for you. I heard someone once say "You cannot focus on what your partner is doing for YOU. You focus on what you are doing for your partner. You focus on the way you're loving your partner." If you're doing the right things and they're doing the right things then what does that mean? It means a successful relationship. When you first meet someone, you learn a lot about them if you pay close attention. If you watch their body language, if you study the way they think, if you WATCH them, you will learn a lot. A lot of the time, people don't watch. They are so dead set on falling in love and making sure they look good the next time they meet or worrying about what the date will be like or literally focusing on every word that comes out of their mouth to make sure they don't say something wrong, that they forget to watch the other person. I am a woman who loves to be studied. I want my man to study me. I want him to know what makes me squirm, I want him to know the exact place to touch me, I want him to know when I am upset and I want him to know how to please me and make it all better. I want him to know ME. The problem with most people is that the studying part is too complicated. It involves too much time or whatever the case may be. You have to understand that people are meant to be studied. This is why I love Psychology so much because the mind is a powerful thing. Understanding the way someone thinks understanding the way someone wants to be loved is POWERFUL. Once you understand someone, I mean the hold you have on them is real. I don't say that in a way to make it seem like its good to have a "hold" on someone, but when you're taking your time out to study your partner, when you're taking the time out to watch the way they move and their body language and you being to learn when their mad, sad, when they need space, when they need love, when they need, to make love, I mean that says a lot about the way care for that person. Know how to love them. I know exactly what it is that makes feel good only then will you master the art of understanding your partner. So next time you're with your partner, no matter how long you two have been together, study them. Study the way they talk study the way their voice changes within the conversation. Maybe they're discussing a topic that makes them feel a certain way. Watch their body language and the way they move. They may need a really good massage to relax that tension. Study them.
Romance is also very important and so is spontaneity because it keeps the fire going in the relationship and it makes that other person feel like you're still thinking about them even in your busy day.
So ladies, do something sweet for your man. Rose petals in a warm bath with candles or a 4 course meal with a nice back and foot rub. Whatever it is you know your man loves, but maybe you don't do so much anymore, do that. Men get your woman some flowers and watch the kids so she can take a hot shower and actually get to shave her legs in peace. Cook for her and do the dishes. Small but sweet things mean the world of a difference. Often times we get so wrapped up in our day to day lives and kids that we forget to love each other.
Love one another ya'll, life is too short.
Wow! It has been so long since I've posted on my website. I have had a long two years, but things are trying to fall in place so I decided to start posting again and just being a voice for us young folks.
Before I start I would like to say that I would never speak ill of my ex husband who is also my sons father. We did have a lot of differences, but I am not here to bash him by any means, but I do tell the truth and although a lot of what happened needs to be kept between us and immediate family, I can open up about things that I feel could help someone else dealing with the same thing. -
2019 was the most testing year of my life to say the least. I wanted so badly to have my family be together and thrive together and that is just not what happened. In September of 2019 I decided that my ex husband and I needed to split and be done for good. Years of disrespect, a few cheating incidents and unhappiness overwhelmed me to the point that I could not go on any longer; I really couldn't. We got engaged November 2016 and married in September 2017 and months before we were supposed to get married I found out about a really low cheating incident. I wont go into detail about it or the person involved, but it hurt really bad. I don't know if that was God's sign or what; but in that moment that I found out I had to decide whether I was going to call off the wedding or proceed. I decided to go ahead with the wedding even though my guts were screaming otherwise and I did that because I was 20 years old almost 21, I was a mother before I was a wife and I had been with him since my senior year in 2013. I did not want to lose all of that over cheating. Now that I am older, that sounds so naive, but at the time I felt it was the right decision for my family to keep us together. Keep in mind, at the time I found out about this, we were living with my parents. So imagine finding out about being cheated on, but having to hold it all in so your parents don't ask what is wrong. I was a train wreck on the inside and my heart was crushed; but I literally had to act like nothing was wrong in front of others to save face and it hurt like hell. I married him anyway despite all I had been through since I met him. So since our marriage did not start on grounds that were solid, it caved in. At the place I am at in my life right now I understand why it caved in, but at the moment I never thought that something like that would happen especially to a woman like me. I will FIGHT and fight extremely hard for somebody I love no matter what, but I soon realized that the older I got, the more I realized my worth and I couldn't allow myself to continue to be disrespected. There were other factors to our relationship that forced it to end the way it did, but like I said some things need to be kept between me and immediate family. The main thing though was disrespect and I know a lot of women deal with disrespect in so many ways and we feel as if that is okay sometimes or we feel that maybe we did something wrong and deserved the disrespect. I was one of those who knew the disrespect was becoming too much, but I would make up excuses with family members and others to try and make sure he always looked good and never looked bad. I wanted to always make sure that no matter how I looked, he still looked good and that quickly faded as I got older. I know it does not seem like a big difference, but being 20 and being 23 makes a difference!! TRULY! Sometimes you outgrow the things you've allowed!!!!!! This is a true statement that I came up with for myself to understand that I did nothing wrong by leaving. I had allowed too much and enough was enough. I never wanted to have a broken family. I never wanted to have kids by two different men. I wanted to be little miss perfect and that is completely not the move especially when you become a grown ass woman! You don't have time for the games or the disrespect so after soooooo long dealing with it, I just said fuck this and I left. I left and I looked back for a second, but then I got my mind right because no person on this earth deserves to be unhappy. No person on this earth deserves to be disrespected. When I left, I felt a weight being lifted off of my shoulders. I no longer had to lie. I no longer had to prove to others that my man was the best, I no longer needed to hide my feelings. I was able to cry without being ridiculed, I was able to vent without being called weak and I finally felt like I was my own person again; JUST by regaining my strength and saying enough is enough!
I made the decision to walk away despite the embarrassment of "being divorced at a young age", despite the feelings of knowing I would have to start over, despite the fact that my son loves his dad more than anything. None of that shit mattered anymore. I knew that if I did not leave when I did I would begin to hate him. Sometimes people come in your life to be lessons more than being a person in your life that was there to stay. I'd like to look at him as a lesson. A lesson that no matter how good of a person you are, you are not immune to someone treating you bad. You are not immune to someone hurting you and once you realize that you are not immune to that, you understand the signs and you understand what you need to watch out for. I was having anxiety attacks, I was depressed, I was all around sad all the time and I dreaded waking up and that is truly no way to live. So, if you are someone who is in a marriage or relationship and you are unhappy or you are being disrespected or being treated a way that you don't condone, say something. Express to your person that this is not the life that you want to live and that you do not tolerate that. If they continue, then you have some decisions to make. Life is toooooooo SHORT to be unhappy! It is important to understand when it is time to leave and say enough is enough.
Fast forward 6 months later after my split + I am one happy mama. I have my child, I have my amazing man Jeremy (who I can talk a little bit about under my Journal tab) and I am at peace with life. I am at peace with my decision and I will never allow any man to hurt me the way I was previously hurt or allow a person to disrespect me.
I AM STRONG.
Just think of me as Cupid's rival. 'Cause over here we don't just use our hearts. We combine the mind, the heart, and the soul for an epic love experience. Stay a while.