Welcome back to the relationship post! I hope you all had a great and successful week! If this is your first time here, welcome! This week's post is kind of a part 2 to the very first post I made on this blog which was rebuilding trust. If you have not read that post yet, I suggest you read it first because it does go hand in hand with this one! Rebuilding trust is something most of us have done or are doing now, so having a guide to help you when you are dealing with hard times is very comforting. My goal is to bring as much comfort as I can to my readers. So grab your coffee, tea or whatever beverage brings you the most comfort, cuddle up on your couch and read on.
So when we talked about rebuilding trust, it was mainly for the people who were hurt in the relationship. The people who needed guidance on how to trust their partner again, or at least start building a foundation in that regard. This week is mainly for the person in the relationship who broke the trust.
It is hard to make your partner feel secure after trust is broken. It is like a bridge that has fallen apart after so much damage has been done to it. Even when you try to rebuild it or build on it, it will never be the way it was before. That is kind of how it happens in relationships when trust is broken. Only sometimes broken trust and rebuilding it can create an even stronger foundation and bond for the relationship which is a good thing. Either way, the relationship will not be the same. It will either be stronger and healthier, or there was so much damage done that repairs will not fix it. I am a strong believer in love and making things work especially when you're married. My goal is to save relationships, not tell people it's time to let go. The only person who can decide to let go is you or your partner. Taking advice from people who tell you to leave your partner means nothing if you do not actually feel like you're ready. If it is something worth fighting for and your partner is not physically & emotionally abusing you, I say fight until there is nothing left. [Even when there is abuse involved, there are some people who still decide to stay. My only advice to that is really evaluate your mental health and the well being of you. No one on this planet deserves to be physically or mentally abused. Find your worth and make your decision then.]
Here are a few tips that I believe can help you help your partner feel more secure in the relationship after trust has been broken.
ONE: Agree to boundaries/rules that they feel are necessary, even set some boundaries yourself for yourself.
Once your partner agrees to make things work in the relationship, expect for there to be boundaries set. Boundaries are healthy and a healthy start to rebuilding trust. It also will make your partner feel more secure and begin to trust you again. Your best bet is to not argue with them about the boundaries because that makes you look non-compliant and that does not feel good at all when you're the one who's been hurt. It makes you feel like your partner is not taking you seriously. Boundaries like not going out for a few months, making sure your partner knows where you are at all times, explaining yourself when things seem a little fishy to your partner, etc. It may sound a little controlling, but its not. When trust is broken, having certain rules and boundaries in place are necessary. Even when trust isn't broken there should be boundaries, but some people live life differently. Just know that this situation is different and right now, these boundaries and rules are necessary for the time being.
Two: Be understanding with your partner's emotions, they have a right to feel certain ways.
Your partner may cry sometimes, you could say something that triggers their memory of the heartbreak, they may watch something on T.V. that triggers that emotion and makes them sad. Period point blank your partner will most likely go through phases of sadness, confusion, and anger. Allow them to be upset sometimes. Hold them and apologize. Right now is not the time to be short tempered with your partner or get upset at them for being sad. Let them know you are there for them and reassure them that you are trying your best to be the man/woman that will not hurt them. Reassure them that you love them. These small little actions like being patient when they are upset goes a long way! It lets them know that YOU are also disappointed with yourself and you're trying to be better. Arguing with them or getting mad because you're upset that they are sad is the wrong way to go. DO NOT DO THAT.
Three: Do not be afraid to kiss some ass for a while.
Yes, I said it. Do things you would not normally do, help them feel better, go out of your way to please them, treat them the way you were before you started putting your time and energy into someone else. Make them feel special again. Nothing hurts worse than being hurt to the core and then have your partner act like they don't have some making up to do. I'm not talking about a week or two of nice gestures, I mean allow your partner to fall in love with you all over again. Just be honest with your feelings and do little things here and there to make sure they feel loved and supported. Cook dinner for them, take them out for a nice date, make the day all about them SOMETIMES. Dedicate your time to your partner to help them feel better about themselves. After cheating has taken place, insecurities run wild! Trust me, I've been there.
Being hurt is not a good feeling and no one wants to feel less than what they should in their marriage or relationship. I also know that if the person who did the cheating really cares about their partner, they are probably hurt too. It hurts the marriage/relationship and the people in it when this type of thing takes place. Everyone suffers from this lack of judgment so its best to not make that mistake. TRUST me it is NOT worth it. It's not worth losing your family over 30 minutes of pleasure!
My homework for you this week if you have recently made a mistake in your marriage/relationship:
- set a date. Set a date with your partner and you cater to them. Cater to them and make them feel appreciated and put your pride away. Have fun and try to make sure your partner feels safe and loved. Give them the floor. Let them talk and talk until their brain hurts. LET THEM VENT TO YOU! If they can't vent to you then who can they vent to? Listen to them. Don't just talk, listen and apply it to your relationship.
That is all for now folks! Thank you so much for reading the Relationship Post this week! I love you all.
Just think of me as Cupid's rival. 'Cause over here we don't just use our hearts. We combine the mind, the heart, and the soul for an epic love experience. Stay a while.