Why People Tend to Drift Apart in Relationships + Tips On How to Help Prevent the Drift Part One
Hello readers. Yea, I know it’s been a little minute since I posted something relationship related. When I make these posts, I really have to let these topics marinate. You know, being that I am as young as I am, the type of relationship wisdom that I have right now stems from what I’ve been through, but also my current relationship. But see, even we are still learning to navigate. We will be navigating the rest of our lives, but I have to allow myself to learn myself, my partner, and even the relationships that are around me the most frequently. I have to study people and relationships in real time to be able to provide authentic relationship advice. I’m no therapist, but I can tell you that my experiences have taught me a lot. The fact that I also have gotten better at reading people has helped a lot as well.
With that being said, I am here with one of the most anticipated relationship blog post I think I’ve had in a while because this is so important. Now, a little disclaimer. If you are who you are with are not meant to be, there is absolutely nothing that you will be able to do to save your relationship and end up not miserable. That may seem harsh, but it’s the truth. Most of us know when our relationships aren’t working out but we put so much time and energy into trying to make it right, knowing we are wasting our time. Everyone knows when it’s time to leave, but most of us get stubborn. So this post isn’t about trying to make your toxic relationship withstand the test of time. It’s just a few ways to keep that drift from happening that I’ve seen work overtime. Let’s get into it.
So let’s be real, everyone tends to drift. It happens and it’s normal. It’s up to you to decide what type of drift is happening in your relationship. Is it a natural drift where you just need to spice things up? Or is it soemthing more serious? You two are headed in total opposite directions in life and it doesn’t seem like you guys are aligning anymore with values, morals, goals, etc. That type of drift is a little more tricky. That one causes for heavy sacrifice if you are truly wanting to make things work. But, let’s deal with the easy stuff first.
A lot of the time people drift apart for several reasons. There becomes a disconnect in communication, careers or jobs start to become the sole focus, children are added to the mix, and sometimes you just start to deprioritize your partner because you’ve gotten comfortable and vice versa. All of these are completely understandable and natural! The thing is though, sometimes something so small like what I’ve listed above can make you think that your relationship is on the rocks. You may start to seek attention elsewhere and next thing you know, you’re doing something you shouldn’t do all because you’re jumping conclusions about your relationship. Pause. Take a step back. If you start to feel like you and your partner aren’t connecting much anymore and you feel that drift, it’s time to start doing things that you haven’t done in a while. That’s right. Yeah yeah, cliché I know, but it’s true! Now, normally I’d say sit your partner down and talk about this. But, today we are going to try a different approach. The approach is actually to say nothing. Ever heard that term if it ain’t broke don’t fix it? Well, what if you’re the only one who’s feeling this drift? Saying something about it could possibly plant negative seeds in your partners head and they may start to create problems in their mind. Even if they ARE feeling the drift, some things are better left unsaid. Let’s not take it to step 2 before step 1. Let’s start making changes without even speaking of a drift. This is also how you PREVENT a drift as well. You’re killing two birds with one stone. Again, If your partner isn’t feeling this drift mentioning anything could result negatively. Maybe there isn’t a drift and you’re just feeling less wanted these days. That’s ok! Step one is to start with actions. Okay, so you’re feeling there’s been a little distance between the two of you? Put forth more effort to bring that back together. Cook dinner for your partner if you aren’t usually the one who cooks. Surprise them with their favorite dish you haven’t cooked in a while and have an in house date night. Write them little love notes and leave them in random places around the house or in places you know they visit often. Have something sweet delivered to their place of work. Set up a getaway weekend for the two of you and play some rekindling games. These types of actions make you feel good because you know you’re doing your part as a spouse but it will also make your partner feel appreciated too. It can also open the door for them to start doing those things they used or do for you as well. Because all of us that have been in long term relationships know what it’s like to start to feel disconnected from your partner. Sometimes all it takes is a great night out and some good ass sex. That’s it. Sometimes that’s really all it takes. But you have to remember your partner. Think of them. And make sure they stay at the top of your priority list.
The point I’m trying to make is, sometimes, curing a drift is simple. I’m sure many people were expecting some drawn out formula to this, but no. It’s simple. Relationships can sometimes be easy! When you start putting your partner first and doing those little things I can guarantee you that you will start to feel reconnected to them.
Now, what if step one doesn’t work? Well, time to break out step 2. Communication.
Plan a night for you guys to sit down and talk. When me and my partner have gone through some major things, I’ve waited until the kids have gone to bed, grabbed me a glass of wine and sat at the other end of the couch where he was. This is how he knew some shit was up and we were about to have a very long discussion.
Bring up the fact that you have been trying for a few weeks to rekindle the little fire and they aren’t being receptive. At this point, it’s time to figure out what their deal is. Because if you’ve been putting in the time and effort and they aren’t being appreciative or they aren’t inspired to start doing little sweet things for you, there may be something underlying going on.
Make them feel comfortable to talk to you and don’t be too pushy. Come off very understanding and calm. Do NOT make them close off. Especially if you have someone who is hard to talk to/open up. You wouldn’t believe the type of patience I’ve had to have to get my partner to talk to me more about his feelings. It’s rare when we have these conversations but when we do, they last for hours and hours and I appreciate him so much more after. But, the key is to listen. LISTEN before you speak. Stop over talking your partner and trying to make a point. If you’re opening up the floor for conversation because you’re wondering what the hell is going on with them that they aren’t being receptive of your recent actions, that means you are allowing them to speak. You are wanting an explanation. So why talk over them? There’s no point in doing that and it causes tension and eventually a shut down. Then you’ve gotten no where. So LISTEN. Open up the floor for conversation and explanations. It could be something simple they’ve been needing to get off their chest and then you two can have a healthy conversation about it and settle things lightly.
Or, it could be more than that. That’s when step 3 comes into play. We will get into that more next month for part two of this POST. 🤞🏼❤️
Thanks for reading!
Just think of me as Cupid's rival. 'Cause over here we don't just use our hearts. We combine the mind, the heart, and the soul for an epic love experience. Stay a while.