am i saying too much... or not enough? | when opening up too much can do more harm than good & adapting balance into your relationship
Wow. I know, I know. It has been a little while since I last posted. Life has just been really getting me these last few months, but not in a bad way. I have just had a lot going on so I've had to put the blog business to the side; BUT I am BACK! Lets just jump right in shall we? Grab your coffee, tea, mimosa because is it ever too early to drink? ;)
So just wanted to disclaim that I am not a therapist and nothing I say on this blog is meant to offend anyone and their relationship or how their relationship works. I am still learning and growing in my relationship, but as I make mistakes and learn, I can share my experience with you guys and what I've found helpful.
Today I wanted to talk about why it is imperative that we all have layers in our relationships. When I say layers I mean you want to remain a mystery in some ways. Sometimes we tend to say too much in our relationships. We talk too much and we overshare; and when I say we I mean women. Men, you really don't have this issue as us women are constantly trying to get you to talk about your feelings. But what if the very thing we are trying to get our men to do more of we should do less of? What if we overshare? This may not be the case with all women or men, but speaking from my experiences, I know for a fact that I overshare in my relationship. I wear my feelings on my hoodie and it has done more harm than good. See the thing is, when you are hard to read, you're more of a challenge and by being more of a challenge, you're more intriguing. This is not to say that you should be a hermit, but it is important to find balance with this because if not, you're going to be an overwhelming entity. Not just for everyone around you, but for yourself too.
When you allow your spouse to know every feeling, every thought, every emotion that comes across your heart or mind, you are allowing them to see you fully. You're literally taking your feelings and smearing it all across your body on the outside and that is not o.k. You should never allow anyone not even the person you love the most to know what your weaknesses are and how you're feeling all the time. This is giving them the power to control you. When a person knows what your weaknesses are, they have the power to control you at any moment at any time. Create boundaries and layers within yourself. Find out what part of yourself do you think you're over sharing. Is it oversharing your anger? your love? your thoughts? Are you telling this person every single thing that makes you tick? Are you expressing your love for them too much? See, the problem that happens when you do this is that over time, that person figures out that they have the key that can unlock every part of you. No. Don't give them that. BUILD LAYERS. BUILD WALLS. Not walls that will make you never share anything, but put a wall up sometimes. I am learning that not everything needs a reaction and not every moment needs words. My man told me something the other day that stuck with me, "I don't speak unless I have something meaningful to say. I don't talk just to hear myself talk. I don't want to talk too much." That stuck with me hard. I realized when he said that, that I do in fact talk too much. Not to other people, but truly, to him. I say anything that comes to my mind and sometimes it is something that shouldn't even be said. Have LAYERS, again. Don't open up about your every thought, but talk about things that mean something. Those things don't always have to be about you or about your partner. When you do this, you're learning more about your partner and where their head is at on a certain topic. You're learning about how they think and feel about something that does not really have something to do with either one of you. When you talk about meaningful things, have deep conversations every now and again, teach each-other something new you learned, that is more important than constantly talking about your feelings, constantly expressing your weaknesses, making the conversations about you or the other person. Have some substance about yourself. Everyday does not have to be an emotional day or a day full of love and feelings. Have balance in that regard. Because when you're constantly expressing your emotions and love you're allowing that person to feel like you love them more than anything in this world; don't do that baby, just don't. It never ends up good for anyone when a person thinks you love them so much you'll never leave them. That is the type of thought you're putting into their head when you're constantly expressing your love for them over and over. There is a time and place for all of that. Every once in a while you can do something sweet just to let them know you love them and you care. A weekly gesture or something kind. It makes it more special when it's not everyday that someone is expressing constant emotion and then out the blue they do. I promise it is the most special thing because you aren't expecting it. That is what creates layers and mystery. That is honestly what keeps us women so interested in our men. They really don't express every single thing, but when they do we love it. When you're with someone and they don't talk all the time, and they aren't constantly expressing everything they feel, and they aren't constantly trying to be understood, when they do open up for a minute, when they do something sweet, when they do let you in, it's all worth it. Keeps things exciting, I know this because my man is that way.
I have had to learn to be more silent and try to not let my emotions speak so much and just be spontaneous with emotional expression and not allow it to be a daily routine.
If you need to cry? Go cry to yourself sometimes. If you think you need to have the last word? Be silent this time. If you know you're about to get angry? Go walk it off. Do not share every emotion do not allow anyone to see your weaknesses all the time. Whether it be you just being too emotionally involved in your relationship and not focusing on yourself enough, whether its constantly allowing someone to see what makes you angry or lash out, or whether it's you not having the ability to control your mouth and feeling like you have to speak. No. Just go silent sometimes. Silence is golden. CONTROL your emotions and don't allow your emotions to dictate your actions. Keep those layers, be quiet sometimes, not every emotion needs to be expressed, and I promise you will be just fine. Love and love hard, but be aware and know when it is the time and place for emotional expression.
Nice chat everybody. Love yall & thank you for reading to the end.
Just think of me as Cupid's rival. 'Cause over here we don't just use our hearts. We combine the mind, the heart, and the soul for an epic love experience. Stay a while.