Keeping the Fire Going in Your Relationship
Welcome back to the relationship blog! This week is going to be a good one because we're going to be talking about REKINDLING the fire in your relationship & accepting change. A lot of the time we forget why we fell in love with our partner. We forget the good things about them, we forget to always look for new ways to make them happy, we stop trying, and honestly, we forget how the want to be pleased in the bedroom. We get selfish and we start thinking about ourselves and that is where we go wrong a lot of the time. People have this misconception that love is complicated and love is hard. Love is not complicated nor hard. You either love your partner or you don't. The challenging thing is working to make sure you're relationship continues to flourish and strengthen. Love changes and grows with time and with your partner. Your partner will not be the same person 10 years from now that they are today. Your love for them will change because they will change and it will either grow stronger for them or weaken. If it weakens it was never real love in the first place.
We all have to understand that we are growing beings and things WILL change. We must always be ready for change when it comes because if not, we're going to look at it as the person we are with is changing because they don't want us anymore or because they aren't interested in us anymore. Somehow someway, we will make it all about us when in fact it isn't. You know that totally cliché break up line, "it's not you it's me."? Basically, that is what's happening within your partner when things start changing within them. They are growing they are changing and you have to accept that. You yourself will also change and grow and your partner will have to accept that. The problem is more than half of us hate the idea of change and we create problems within our relationships that most likely aren't even there.
We are constantly changing and so with that, we will constantly be getting to know our partners and learning new things about them. You may not realize it, but change is what can keep the relationship alive and thriving. It keeps you wondering what's next. Just like with me and my partner, we are changing every single day and still learning about each other. So when you're changing so much and learning more about each other every day, it is so important to know how to keep the fire going in the relationship. This may not apply to everyone, but when your partner is changing so much and you're acknowledging it, you may feel disconnected from them or like you don't know who this person is anymore. Or it could be that there hasn't really been any change in your relationship. Maybe you and your partner have fell into a routine and things seem like they're getting boring; or it's already there. Either way, you NEED to continue to keep the fire going in your relationship. What your partner used to like or get aroused about may not arouse them anymore or vice versa. You need to know what makes your partner happy and how to make them get excited. With that being said, I just have a few suggestions to keep the fire going and even a little homework for you guys ;).
First thing is first, KEEP THE BEDROOM ALIVE AND BOOMING! Which means, if you don't do anything else, make sure the excitement in the bedroom is still there. (If your sex life is great, but other things are lacking in your relationship, then this may not apply to you.) Try new things in bed, make sure that you are not just worried about yourself and you are also trying to as well please your partner, keep it spontaneous. If you have kids, spontaneous sexual behavior may not always be the right thing to do considering there may be kids in the house. Regardless of anything though, make sure you're making sexual time for your partner. Make sure you're making your partner feel sexy. Role play if you're into that kind of thing, research foods that boost your libido and natural aphrodisiacs. It is OKAY to do research about sex even if you feel like you're the sex master. Trust me, you don't know everything there is to know! DO YOUR RESEARCH!
Second, MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER. When I say make time for each other I mean just a simple 10 minute conversation at night once you put the kids to bed, cooking dinner together if the schedule makes it possible, calling each other on each other's lunch break at work, setting a time once a week that you guys go on a date to a coffee shop and talk for an hour. No electronics, no interruptions, just a conversation. Make sure your partner knows even on your most busiest day, you are still thinking of them and making time for them. Kiss your partner in the morning and at night before bed. Make sure they feel loved and appreciated by you. PLAN dates, plan night outs, plan family nights, plan plan plan! When we are so caught up in work or our own extra curricular activities we forget about our partner and it is no fun to feel like your partner is not making time for you, make time.
Which brings me to my next one, ALLOW YOUR PARTNER TO PARTICIPATE IN SOMETHING THEY LOVE TO DO AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK IF TIME ALLOWS. If your partner wants to go play basketball at the court, or go to a hot yoga class, or even hit the gym, by themselves, let them! Let your partner get away once a week or every two weeks to do something they love if it's not something that their work schedule allows them to do everyday. In order for them to do things that make you happy, your partner has to be happy. They have to do things for themselves that make them happy too. Offer to keep the kids busy at home while your partner does something they love for an hour or two. Trust me, it makes all the difference. Especially when your partner is always doing things to please you, working hard every day, etc. They need time to themselves too. They need to know that you're o.k. with it as well. Don't make them feel like their extra curricular activity is putting a burden on you.
My homework for you beautiful people this week is:
- GO GROCERY SHOPPING TOGETHER. Grocery shopping is the most underrated form of intimacy. Grocery shop together & find a new recipe you'd like to cook this week with your partner. (Maybe research some of those aphrodisiac foods I mentioned earlier and pick up a few.)
- TRY SOMETHING NEW IN THE BEDROOM. This one is self explanatory. ;)
- HAVE A SERIOUS TALK THIS WEEK. Catch up with your partner this week. Pick their brain and see if there is anything that they need, see if there is something bothering them, just talk. Make sure you're up to date with your partners feelings.
That's all for now folks. I hope this helps in more ways than one!
It is not happy wife happy life in my world. It's happy spouse happy house! My man's happiness is just as important as mine and he is needed in this home just as much as I am, if not more. Lately, on social media, or in my case YouTube because I ridded my life of socials, I've been seeing so many things that go against the natural flow of things. I won't get into anything too controversial, but I will say that it seems to me like the world wants women to believe that they can do it all without a man. You don't need a man in the home. You can raise these kids yourself. Or if you do have a man, "leave him sis, you don't need him. We women we run the world!". Yeah, all that nonsense. Let me tell you something, we do in fact NEED our men. When I say need, I don't mean as in you become solely dependent on him. I mean, we need our men in our homes and we need them in our lives. This society today tells us we don't need them. I've seen women literally get pregnant and not even want the relationship when the baby is born just to brag and say she's doing it all on her own. Why? What makes anyone believe that it is cool to do it on their own? Granted, some people do walk away from their families, but this is not something just men do. Women do it, too. But I'll save that one for another day. We live in a society that praises single people, but most certainly single women. If you want to be single because that is what you want for your life, that is OK! By all means, do you! I am no one to judge. However, if you think that BEING SINGLE will be better because you are following a trend or are curious about what it's like to not have a man around, you are doing something wrong. There is a reason men and women are different. That is because we work, together. When you have a real man in your home, one who does his job properly and not half ass, trust me baby, you need him. Homes work better with both. They just do. The nurturing spirit of the woman, the wisdom of the woman, the calm spirit of the woman, the emotional spirit of a woman. The strength of the man, the authority of the man, the logic he brings to the table when we are having mood swings and acting on our emotions, the pleasure he brings his woman in many ways and the security and protection. All of those things are so important. That man being in the home helps the children more than you know. If you were a single mother, are a single mother, this is in no way a gut punch to you. I am just speaking from my experience. What it is like when a man is in the home and actively playing his part. Making sure the kids are in line and have respect, making sure there is order in the home and not chaos. You can say what you want, but kids have lots of respect for that manly figure. They are more prone to listening and obeying when a man is present. This may not be the case for your life, but from what I've seen in my experience in being in homes where a man is around, there is more order and less chaos. There's nothing like seeing order in a home that a man can create just by his presence. Not even having to yell because the kids already know what's up. There's nothing like a man coming home from a day at work, and he's happy to be there because he knows he's going to be treated like a king once he's home. The weight of the world can come off at the door because his queen is there to make it all worth it. There's nothing like a man being gentle with his woman, but also providing that protection that she is seeking. There's nothing like that man pleasing his woman so that she feels loved and appreciated for all the hard work she also puts into the home. There's nothing like that woman pleasing her man so that he knows he's appreciated and loved for everything he brings to the table. There is an undeniable, indescribable, unspoken, real love and bond when a MAN AND WOMAN are both working together in their home to keep it happy and healthy. Not just for the children, but for themselves also. Please, take the time to tell your man today that you love him. That you appreciate him for everything he does. Notice I said man, not little boy. If you're dealing with a "man" who isn't a man, I am sorry. I'll make a separate post on the differences between a boy and a man, because I've had both! And for the sake of different relationships, let's just say you guys aren't together. Don't live together for whatever reason, but he is doing his best to be a great father and not disturbing your peace, thank him for that. Thank him for trying his best. Sometimes we need to just thank these men for the things they do and stop singling out everything that they aren't doing. If you know the man in your life is doing his best, thank him right now. We all need love and encouragement. There's this thing that makes people believe that if a woman isn't happy then it's the end of the world. That may be the case, but what if the man isn't happy and doesn't feel respected? He's supposed to just take it? I think not! Make sure that man is happy, sis! I bet you if you're doing your part, if he is a real man, he will do his, too! <3
Just think of me as Cupid's rival. 'Cause over here we don't just use our hearts. We combine the mind, the heart, and the soul for an epic love experience. Stay a while.