5:30am on a Sunday morning is my favorite time to welcome the world into my space. Something so remarkable about being up before the sun. In a city where people are probably passed out on Bourbon St or just getting home from partying all night, I have just feasted my eyes on what I like to call the midnight dawn. It may still be night for the rest of the world, but for me, my day is beginning.
Silky sheets caress my skin as I turn and look over and see an angel sleeping. Nothing more perfect than seeing my beautiful wife on the side of me. Her sandy brown curly hair is all wild from the exhilarating night we had and her beautiful chocolate skin glistens in the pale light that is coming through our curtains from the street lights.
I kiss her soft, melanated skin that smells of shea butter and vanilla, but softly so that I don't wake her. What a joy it is to see something so angelic every single day of my life.
As she captures her last hour or two of slumber, I get dressed and put on my running gear. The best Nike running shoes money can buy, black shorts, black tank top, Nike sports hat, and my running arm band for my phone. Every morning I go running so that I can get the energy I need to get through my day and also to make sure I stay fit. It's also lovely to see the sun as it's rising. If there is ever a day I miss the sunrise, my entire energy is off. I thrive from being able to connect with the earth and the sun; its..... liberating, if you will.
Shutting the front door lightly, but in tact, I turn my music on and hit the ground running. There's a slight breeze and it's about 50 degrees outside, being that its the middle of January. Winter is my favorite season to do my running in. It's not too cold, but it's cool enough that I feel like my lungs are getting an amazing work out. Not to mention the air is so crisp and makes me feel alive.
As my feet hit the pavement, I am soaking in the rest of the night sky before the sunrise. I can start to feel the small droplets of sweat forming between my upper thighs and my back. That's when I know it's almost time. I've done this so much, I know that when I start to sweat, the sunrise is near. I check my watch and realize that I've been running for about an hour now and I start to make my way to Jackson Square.
As I make my way to my final destination, the street lights begin to turn off as the sleepy eyes of the world are starting to awake. I can see coffee shops and bakeries opening their doors and flipping their closed signs to read "open". I can hear jazz music playing and it's coming from one of the local businesses, but I can't make out which one. Hearing jazz music playing out of the blue always brings a smile to my face.
Finally, I can see the cathedral. Ahh, the cathedral I say to myself. Such a comforting feeling that brings back memories of my childhood of having beignets with my pop from Café Du Monde as we sat on the steps that faced the Jackson Square cathedral and just people watched. Jackson Square is so quiet in the early hours and it gives me time to sit and just think about life and the days ahead. It's hard for me to remain in the present sometimes, so when I do my running, this is my time to just ponder on the past and the future. So that when I get home, I can focus on my beautiful life and my beautiful wife.
As I walk up the steps to get to the river walk, dawn says hello. The sky is starting to give off the pink and yellow hues and I stand there as I watch the sky wake and listen to the river sing. This moment in time right here, this is the moment of serenity I need every single day. Just this moment will allow me to keep my mind calm and in check. I spend about 20 minutes basking in the silence and the sight of the painted universe around me. I let out a sigh of relief when the moment of peace is gone and taken away by the sound of people starting their day, just as I have started mine.
It's time to head home.
Before I can even open the door, I can smell that sweet smell. Every morning after my run, my other half makes sure to have my favorite breakfast waiting for me.
As I walk in and look to the left in our breakfast nook area, I can see the steam coming off of my food and my coffee. Beef bacon, two eggs over easy sitting on top of crisp, golden hash browns, and strawberries on the side.
I bite my lip as I think of how blessed I am to have this woman get up early every morning and make breakfast. It's always the little things.
The sound of the shower turning on entices me because I know in .5 seconds, she's going to be stripped down and waiting for me. Instead of diving into my food, I head to the master bedroom. She always leaves the door cracked as if she is awaiting my arrival. I can see her silhouette through the fog on the shower door and I immediately become erect before I even lay eyes on her.
Opening the shower door, I step into the scolding hot water that doesn't bother me on bit, because it's about to get hotter. I grab her by the waist and she turns her head slowly with a smile.
Hello beautiful, I say as I kiss her forehead. Grand Rising, daddy, she says back to me.
I caress every inch of her thick and fluffy body, making sure she's just as ready for me as I am for her. Her body begins to quiver from the slow and soft touches of my left hand, while my lips are making their way down her neck. She grabs a hold of my body and brings me closer to her, which is her way of saying she wants me, right now. I can't wait any longer. I pick her up abruptly as if she was a feather and I place her back against the shower wall. Seconds later, I entered inside the best place to call home. He wasted no time to explore her garden as he's done millions of times, but every time always feels like the first. This woman is my goddess and I will spend every moment making sure she feels good. Slow and steady strokes become the move of the morning as her sweet cupcake clenches onto the chocolate monster. I make sure she can feel every single inch of me in her stomach, I'm tryna give her a baby. As I plunge deeper inside of her juices, she moans even louder. I look her in her eyes as the water is dripping from her face down to her intoxicatingly soft breasts that are pressed against my pecs. She stares at me as she makes the faces of pure satisfaction and digs her nails deeper into my back. The wetness from her and the shower feels so good, I can't hold out any longer, and from her expression, neither can she. I grab ahold to her body tighter as she screams out in ecstasy. Her entire body goes limp and her sweet cookie throbs on the cookie monster.
I look her in her eyes again and we engage in the longest, juiciest, kiss underneath the hot shower water as we tightly embrace. It gets no better than this.
....and that is how you start a morning.
I couldnt tell you what it was like to constantly live there..
In my mind.
My brain began to unwind all of the repeated lies I’ve been told
My soul started to weep…
I was way too young to be losing sleep.
I was only 15 when I started understanding the true weight of the world…
Darkness started to fall.
& then my heart started to crawl into the abyss of untouched happiness….
The type of happiness that wasn’t real.
I was searching for somebody to love me in this dark world
or was I just searching for someone to save?
Always looking for the next broken record to call home..
Knowing it wasn’t right, but couldn’t fathom being alone.
Constant reels of deceit spewing at me constantly and all I did was paint over them with pretty flowers…
Never questioning anything, and to myself, I became a coward.
Afraid to confront the fake love, I just allowed myself to be taken advantage of.
And it stung like bullets piercing my what was then, thin skin.
Maybe my brokenness and desperate need to feel loved made me feel the need to become misunderstood
But the only person who misunderstood me, was me.
You feel me?
I wanted so bad to be someone who saved the world, I forgot about Janecia, me.
I forced myself to be “little miss, misunderstood”.
Because if I was “misunderstood”
then maybe I could be the victim when shit hit the fan and not have to take accountability for my lack of awareness and my ability to allow another being to tear away at my integrity.
Even though the signs were clear..
even though I knew the end was near..
All I wanted to do
was enjoy the idea of love
Even if that meant ignoring every sign I got from GOD himself above.
Why did I choose to this for myself?
Why didn’t I just ask for help?
Why did I brush off the red flags?
Why couldn’t I have just stayed in my motherfucking bag?
Why did I allow him to cheat?
Why did I constantly want all of my depressed and anxious days to be discreet?
Why didn’t I strap my boots up, pick up my feet, and dogged him out like he dogged me?
Why did I allow him to fuck my cousin?
Why didn’t I say ENOUGH is ENOUGH.. and…
why did I walk down the isle?
Why didn’t I turn around, was it because we had a child?
Why did I allow myself to be in so much pain?
Why did I allow my soul to be stuck out in the rain?
For so many years I cried these tears
I carried these burdens
I LIVED out all of my fears…
All for what?
To be loved?
Nah, girl… that wasn’t love. You knew that.
You knew he wasn’t shit
You knew he was going to hurt you like being hit with a ton of bricks
But you chose this.
You chose to be hurt you chose to be stomped on you chose to be dragged in the dirt.
You knew he was lying,
He watched you cry and….
He stood by and did nothing.
He belittled you, mentally abused you, spiritually killed you.
You let him.
You let him break us…
You let him tell lies to your face ‘cuz.
All for what?
To be loved?
What does it mean to be loved if you’re going to allow yourself to be in a state of constant suffering?
What does it mean to continue to allow your heart to stay when your spirit is no longer welcomed .. and..
what does it mean to be loved if all it’s going to do is cause your soul to hydroplane over all those tears..
You’ve cried over all these years..
Why do it at all?
Just to be loved?
NO, love YOURSELF first baby. You’re all you got.
He loves you, he loves you not.
90 degree weather on a Friday night..
Standing hand in hand with the love of my life
Sweat filling our palms and foreheads..
Feet hitting the pavement as we continue to move up in the line
butterflies present themselves in the pit of my stomach the closer I get to the door..
Our first concert together and it’s to see KRIT.
KRIT. Damn.. still brings me chills.
Hip hop is the root of our love and here we are about to embark on the most humble southern hip hop journey we’ve ever experienced.
What a time it is to be alive
Being able to be share the same air with the KING of the UNDERGROUND.
Open a tab at the bar cause tonight is about to be a movie
Blue Long Island becomes the drink of the night
Got me feeling right, in all the right places
Jammin’ to the intros…
drink in one hand, smoke in the other.
Gazing at all the beautiful faces that are impatiently waiting to see the best thing that’s ever happened to rap.. yeah I said it.
“Let me tell you bout this supaaa fly DIRTY DIRTY
THIRD COAST MUDDY WATER
SHAWTY POP THAT PUSSY IF YOU WANNA”
There he is..
The king HIMSELF
The adrenaline is pumping through every soul that chose to be apart of this timeless event
Everybody is feeding off of each other’s energy
Phones lit up trying to capture every moment
4s up for the Legend
My heart can’t take the amount of happiness I feel
If it don’t touch my soul I can’t listen to it, and baby let me tell you…
My soul felt
“Just in case you was wondering, I did make the beat”
Tears fill my eyes as I run the entire song from start to finish…
I swear I had an outer body experience
This shit just hit different when you know you been a fan and you finally get the chance to see the best rapper alive
Live in the flesh
Nothing could ever compare
As the show starts to come to a close
I grab my chest….
I grab the hand of my love behind me who’s been rapping every single word to every masterpiece KRIT performed tonight..
I thank God for this moment..
Shine on KING,
He served up the royalty.
Provided us the Soul Food that we needed while we journeyed through to Cadillactica.
KRIT IZ Here, He Wuz Here…. Live From the Underground..
Handing out his digital roses to the lost generation who needs his music for saving…
Thank you for choosing the road you did,
It’s better this way.
You truly are a King Remembered in Time.
Too much shine, can dull the soul….