The Poet from Philly
A note for Andria: Andria, Andria, Andria!! I mean where do I start because we have hit it off so perfectly it's almost scary! You are one of the most beautiful people that walk this earth on the inside and out. Your heart and your will to want to see others doing good and wanting to make a difference in this world is unmatched. Talking to you everyday is never a dull moment, LOL. We laugh hysterically, crack jokes, vent, I mean you name it, we talking about it. You've added to my world and we are definitely locked in for life. Thank you for being apart of artists of the week and thank you for being so open and vulnerable in your writing. We need more people like you in this world who are willing to take the things they've been through and put that energy and fire into creating something beautiful the way that you do. You are one of a kind lady. Now let's get into this interview!
Please make sure to follow Andria on IG to see her spoken word videos! @andria_allsmiles516
Where were you born and where did you grow up?
I was born and raised in Philly. Raised in Olney, right off Roosevelt Boulevard. (My Philly folks know the bully lol).
When you were growing up did you always want to be a writer? If not, what was your dream as a youngin’?
I had no intentions of ever becoming a writer actually. Growing up, I wanted to be a professional basketball player in the WNBA. If that didn’t work, then I figured I would be pastor like my mom and dad. As I was coming up, I had very limited exposure, and my aspirations were very guided by the aspirations my parents had for me. My parents saw my skill in basketball and as the only one of 3 girls who was remotely interested in sports, they figured it was my destiny. They also saw how outspoken I am and how unafraid of the spotlight I am. I used to participate in everything at our church, and do it well. Everyone kind already predetermined for me that I would become a pastor. I would hear it every week from family and church members.
What is your favorite childhood memory that involved art? This can be from any of the arts. Music, poetry, film, etc.
My favorite childhood memory involving art… sheesh! That’s tough because I have a lot surrounding music, but I don’t think any of those are my favorite. I played the clarinet from 4th grade to 11th grade and have had plenty of winter and spring concerts, several solos, etc. (I’m a jack of all trades lol). My favorite moment surrounding art is something very small and extremely specific surrounding film, surprisingly. My dad is a big movie buff, so I’ve watched a great deal of movies in my lifetime. One of our favorite things to watch used to be the Matrix Trilogy. One small detail always stood out to my dad and I; we loved how the name “Neo” is an anagram, a word that houses another word when you rearrange the letters. The word inside is “one”. So when Morpheus called Neo the one, we just marveled at the cinematic genius in the wordplay. Very nerdy, but will stick with me forever.
What inspired you to become a writer? Where did your love and passion for wanting to captivate a reader/listener with your wittiness and wordplay come from?
Realizing that I articulate my emotions best through writing is what inspired me to continue to do it, and to actually make it useful. I didn’t take writing seriously for a while. I only wrote in school and my teachers would either tell my mom how advanced I was, or ask me to use my work as a demonstration. As I got older, I started to write in a journal that my mom got for me. I guess she recognized my gift for writing before I did. Her and my grandmother also used to write. Poetry, mainly, but stories as well. I believe she saw the same thing in me and just gave subtle hints at me trying my hand at it. My writing originally has just been personal. The first time I ever shared a personal piece of writing was to my father in an attempt to share my feelings with him. I felt too nervous to actually verbalize my thoughts, so I wrote them to him. One day muuuuch later, I was snooping through in his room and found the letter still perfectly intact, and figured my words must be meaningful. I didn’t consider actually becoming a writer until this year. I was listening to a MeatSpady album (shout out to my guy!) and I was writing a synopsis of it to try and put myself in his shoes and get to the root of the music a bit more. I sent my synopsis to him and he basically told me I write like I really do this for real. I told him I would give it a try, and haven’t looked back. Sharing my work came from realizing other people may struggle with verbalizing the very same emotions that I’m dealing with. I want to be a voice for those who can’t articulate their thoughts because I know what that’s like.
What type of writing style do you think you’ve incorporated into your craft that derives from the way you grew up/things you’ve been through that sets you apart from other writers?
I have a love for music that stems mainly from my father but from my entire family in general. All genres of music. We have singers and musicians every which way you look in my family. I mainly credit my dad for diversifying my ear with different genres and time periods of music. So I think I subconsciously have developed a specific ear for cadences, rhythms, intonations, inflections, rhyming, and wordplay. I think that’s why I gravitated to spoken word pieces. It’s more than just writing. It’s a performance. It’s a song in its own right. By bringing it to life, I’m adding another layer to my message. I want every piece to have a flow. I want it to almost physically move, so that it physically moves you.
What does your creative process look like? Do you plan out what you’re going to write with spoken words or does it just come to you all at once and you have to think fast to find a notepad to write down your thoughts before you lose them? (because that’s me 98% of the time, LOL)
My process starts out the same pretty much with each piece. I get a thought, strong emotion, or think about an experience and get struck with a word or phrase that I can’t shake. I call it “the bones”. Then I really sit and take the time to put flesh on those bones. I have no idea what pieces will become spoken word pieces until I get some flesh on the bones. I can never tell right away. I have pieces that started with the intention of spoken word and ended as just poems, and vice versa. But once I get locked in on “the bones”, I can write anywhere. On the bus or train, walking, laying in bed before sleep, anywhere. Once I start, I go. I never fear losing them because the baseboards of the pieces captivate me and just replay in my head until I do something with it. I’m grateful for that.
How has your time as an adult shaped/changed the way you view the world now compared to when you were just a young doe-eyed girl with a dream? Do you feel like the experiences that you’ve had in the real world and things that you’ve seen outside of what you knew as a kid have changed the way you are as a person which then inadvertently changed the way you write poetry?
Being an adult has drastically changed my world. It has opened my eyes, my mind, my heart, and my spirit in many ways. I grew up very sheltered and spoiled, I can admit. When I started making my own decisions, dealing with my own emotional trauma, embarking on my own journeys and only having myself to blame for how things go, things definitely changed. The way I write now is so different than how I used to write. I used to write just for leisure. Now I write for sanity, for mental clarity. I write to express not only myself but to express what I see and feel in others around me. Growing up I have always had a big heart and was very empathetic. I was labeled as the “sensitive” one. I cried when people cried. I hurt when people hurt. Everything hit me in the heart. But I didn’t really understand it or know what to do with it. Now, I use writing as an outlet to process and verbalize those emotions. I write with purpose now.
Think back to the first spoken word poem that you put out for others to hear. Think back to how you felt when you pressed “send”… when you pressed “post”… The butterflies. The way your heart may have sank into your stomach awaiting the feedback from others. What were your feelings after sharing your first spoken word poem? Did the feedback you received change your confidence at all?
Before sharing the post, I asked a few people for their opinions. I was very nervous, but received only positive feedback which encouraged me to actually post it. I came to the decision that I was posting it to help at least one person. And I helped myself, so I had already achieved my goal! So the validation of others wasn’t something I was relying on to give my writing a sense of worth and purpose. After I posted it, I put my phone down and walked away lol. But I eventually checked my socials and was like “wow. They actually like it!” To see people actually resonate with my work really made me so happy. Especially like my little cousins. I try to be a good role model for them and to make them proud means a lot to me.
Babygirl let me tell you, “Welcome to the Hive”… that piece right there? The way I can relate to this piece that you recorded is a little scary. Not in a bad way though, in a very poetic but sad way. The way that anxiety pains me daily is something that I have been battling for years and I have never been able to full express what goes through my mind everyday and the round the clock battle that goes on in my mind daily no matter how hard I try to shut it off. You explained anxiety for myself and many in the most beautiful way. Was there anything specific going on in your life during the time that you wrote this that inspired this piece?
Well first, thank you! That piece meant a lot to me. It actually took the longest to write, but the shortest to record myself doing. It was the most personal piece for me, I’d say, because it was something most people knew nothing about concerning me. People know I have hyperthyroidism, people know my mom has an autoimmune disease. But anxiety isn’t something people think of when they think of me. Majority of the time I am outside of my room, I’m laughing and smiling, bussing it up with everyone. So to show this side of me was a tough decision for me, but a necessary one. Around the time of making this piece, I had just started therapy and was addressing a lot of things that I had suppressed emotionally for a long time. Dealing with all of that, on top of my PT program, social life, family responsibilities… it was a lot. I started losing sleep, appetite was decreasing, etc. So I sat in my basement and wrote. And then recorded almost immediately after I finished. I knew it would be a spoken word piece as I was putting the flesh on the bones. And I knew I had to record it before my anxiety told me not to.
Being that you wrote “Welcome to the Hive”, one can assume that you too also suffer from anxiety. Are there specific things that you do to help with that part of you that is honestly an uphill daily battle?
Yes, one can correctly assume that. The first thing I do is pray. It helps me start my day with gratitude and purpose. I workout, so I recommend exercise. I try to stay on a daily routine so I don’t get too carried away mentally. Structure is important to battle anxiety. In my daily routine is a slot for me time. Now I can admit, I don’t always give myself that time. Sometimes I will overwork myself, I’m still trying to find that balance. But I try my best to decompress at some point in the day. Lately, I have been watching Keenan and Kel to decompress. One of the biggest and best things that I can suggest outside of prayer is letting trusted people in your life know that you’re struggling. You don’t have to be specific, but just let them know how to be there for you. I did that with my family and friends and it changed things so positively for me. At any given moment I can text my folks “I’m having a rough one, I need a FT and some jokes today” and they have my back. Find someone. It’s hard to fight alone.
When Everybody Loves You but You Part One & Two!!! Ma’am. Not enough snaps in the world can give you the amount of praise you deserve for this! The lines that hit me the most, “The love that I lack the most is mine…searching for something that I can only find within” and “Tired of feeling loveless when I’m surrounded by nothing but it”. Man, the way those hit me… Is a conversation for another day. However, I know being you’re the one that wrote it, it without a doubt hit you so many ways! Please, explain for my readers what inspired this beautiful, timeless, melodic-but sad, piece?
Again, thank you!! I realized it after a break up actually. I realized I had not been able to receive love well from my significant other or even from my family because I didn’t think I was worthy of it. Before making that realization, I kept finding myself feeling empty, but it wasn’t really anyone else’s doing. I had a hole within me, a hole of “self-loathing”. I am very hard on myself which is something else I am working on. I hold a lot of things against myself and beat myself up a lot. So when people tell me they love me and they’re proud of me, it doesn’t sink in because I’m sinking in a sea of self-pity. But as of late, I have adopted more of a “ish happens” attitude and try to learn from myself and give myself more grace. I just sit and realize how much I have accomplished, how much I have overcome, the odds I’ve beaten. And it drastically outnumbers and outweighs the “bad”. I don’t even like to call it the bad anymore, because without it I wouldn’t be better.
So, you’ve sent me plenty of haikus to read and ma’am let me tell you how much I am in love with these! You have a gift, a true gift and I am blown away by your talent and the way that you literally take the broken parts of your heart and you put it directly onto paper with no hesitation. It’s brave and courageous. I really didn't want to pick one because I love them all, but if I had to just pick one, Haiku #2. “Precious inner peace. Made from the many pieces. Of my brokenness”. Wow. I mean, only someone who knows true pain can understand this and what it means. To have to piece together the broken parts of you to create peace within yourself. *SNAP SNAP*!! You are a genius. Please let my readers know which haiku was your favorite out of all of them that you’ve written and what inspired it?
I’m not sure I can say I have a favorite. They all resonate with a different part of me so deeply and span such a wide range of emotional experiences. I started writing haikus because I love anime. So I started thinking about how I could incorporate that into my writing. With most of the anime I watch being Japanese, I just made the connection to try haikus. I feel in love with it immediately. I enjoy challenging myself to be concise yet impactful. I think that less truly can be more in some cases, and I showcase that with haikus.
Had you not been through the things that you have been through in life, do you believe you would be as good of a writer that you are now? Why or why not?
No. I think I could still be a skilled writer, but I would lack the passion. It would lack connection to the readers and listeners, which is the point for me. I would be like how I was before, just writing for leisure. It wouldn’t hit the same for me, and I probably wouldn’t even share my work it to be honest. I share it because of what I’ve seen, what I’ve gone through with other people. I know people are struggling just like me, going through seemingly inexplicable emotions just like me. Without having been through what I’ve been through, my viewpoint would be very different, very naive and immature.
What is it about writing and expressing your feelings and emotions through spoken word that makes you feel safe?
That there’s no wrong answer. There’s no penalty, no rulebook. It’s just what you want to say and how you want to say it. There is no expectation for your words. I love that. Every piece is fresh. Unrelated to the previous one unless you want it to relate. Everything is dictated by you. Your emotional process. Your writing process. Your recording process. It’s unique to you and no one can take that away from you. That’s what makes it feel safe to me.
Whenever there is a time where you feel like giving up, what is the thing that motivates you the most to keep pushing no matter what?
When I’m going after something, I think of two things. I think of the people who will love to see me make it across my metaphorical finish line, and I think of how I am so close to what I have prayed for. I try to remember that there are people rooting for me, and that gives me energy. I also try to remember that I am on paths to what I asked God to provide for me. I am in PT school which is an answered prayer already. But when I feel like quitting, I remember I asked God to make it possible and He did. So I have to uphold my end of the bargain, and I’m all for reciprocity! I don’t like to disappoint.
When you are at your absolute lowest when it comes to the way you’re feeling mentally, who/what/or where do you turn to?
I turn to my siblings the most. I turn to my friends and basketball second most. Then comes running or taking walks. I wrote a poem for myself about how I value prayer so much, but sometimes I just need someone here in my space to hear me out and be a physical presence to ground me. My siblings and friends provide that for me, and for that I am grateful. Basketball gives me a time to unplug from everything and just exist in my element, along with having fun with the people I play with to whom I am grateful as well. Running or walking just gives me space to breathe, to feel invigorated and alive, to look at the world and remember I am still here in it.
When you’ve hit creative blocks, what are some things that you do to re-center yourself and get those juices flowing again?
One thing I DONT do is re-read my past work lol. I write a lot of things and never read them again. I also never share an unfinished piece. I feel like it kills the product right there. What I actually do is leave it alone. Or I start another version of it and divert onto a new path with it. Sometimes it works as a totally new end product, sometimes it makes me see that the original product was fine the way it was and to stick with it. Wait for the rets to come.
What was the most challenging thing you’ve faced so far with your writing and how did you overcome that?
Being truthful with my emotions. Some stuff I write and say “geez that’s dark” and want to erase. But I don’t. I may fight with myself, but I leave it there. Saying the words out loud is terrifying in some cases as well. But again, it’s a necessary part of my process for some pieces and ultimately it becomes freeing for me to conquer that feat. I will have a million takes of the same spoken word piece until it feels right. A friend of mine, BRoc, said something to me that stuck with me. “It’s just becoming more and more comfortable with saying your own words out loud for the public. The more you do it the better you will get.” Thank you B. It’s getting easier now.
Do you write as a hobby or is this something that you hope one day can take you places? If you ask me, you’re already in the car on the way to those places!
Right now, it’s a hobby. But there’s too much passion in my pieces for it to just stay as a hobby. I’ve been asked to do pieces at several places, but with school my schedule can get very tight sometimes. One day I’ll perform a piece somewhere, who knows lol. I recognize my gift for it and I don’t want to downplay it.
What are you most thankful for in your life right now?
I am thankful for so much, but I’ve already said a lot so I will keep it rather concise here. Im thankful for my loved ones and their support, the health and safety of myself and my loved ones, and for having the opportunities to chase my dreams. God is great.
Do you have any other passions/hobbies? If so what are they?
I have a lot of hobbies, but only one passion outside of writing. Basketball is a huuuuge passion of mine. I’ve been playing since I can remember. I played ompetitively for the bulk of my life, but I play for leisure now (grant it, it’s still competitive). I love to watch it, analyze it, play it, watch documentaries about it, I’ve been to the Hall of Fame and to my favorite college and pro team’s arenas (Go Uconn and Celtics!). Other hobbies of mine are singing, doing puzzles, bowling, and skating (ice and inline).
What is the best advice you can give anyone who is also passionate about writing and poetry but doesn't really know where to start?
The best way to start is by getting it out. There’s no wrong way to do it. You will see what works, what styles you like, what makes you feel complete. Just try, just start. Start for you. Do it because you want to. Someone somewhere needs to read your words, even if that someone is you.
What is the ultimate message you are conveying for the people who love you and support you through your art?
My overall message in everything I put out is “you are not alone”. Our thoughts and anxieties make us feel alone, but we aren’t. My pastor recently said that “we are all united by pain”. Everyone has their share. Everyone has a problem, a struggle, a conflict. So I try to be the voice of the struggle while providing as much advice for getting through it as I can.
What is the end all goal for your life personally and professionally? What will be the catalyst in your life that will make you say, damn, I have finally made it?
Professionally, I will be a pediatric physical therapist. I’ll work in a children’s hospital or rehab center, and then eventually own one. And then several. I will be the best at what I do, as a black female in a predominately white profession. I will retire, look back, and say “I didn’t just win the game, I changed the game”. Personally, the end goal is just to be a good person and give life my best. I want people to see me and be inspired to be more empathetic, kind, and to enjoy life more.
Do you have any shout outs you want to give to any special people in your life?
First and foremost, I thank God for everything. Always. Without Him I have nothing and am nothing. To my siblings (in age order) Deion, Sara, Yani, Hersey and Kenya, I love y’all more than I could ever express. You all have saved my life in different ways. I thank you. To my Mom and Pops, I love you and thank you for everything. To my pastor, R Shawn Edmonds, Capacity Church, to my team, PG MD Macy Ashley Khalil, y’all keep me uplifted and keep me going. To the Whack League #WBL, y’all are my family and my life is better with y’all in it. To Grace, Sophie, Lauren, and Jade. Ladies, ladies, ladies. There’s nothing to say but thank you. And to you, Neci, thank you does not express my true gratitude. I love you from writer to writer, and from friend to friend.
I was born and raised in Philly. Raised in Olney, right off Roosevelt Boulevard. (My Philly folks know the bully lol).
When you were growing up did you always want to be a writer? If not, what was your dream as a youngin’?
I had no intentions of ever becoming a writer actually. Growing up, I wanted to be a professional basketball player in the WNBA. If that didn’t work, then I figured I would be pastor like my mom and dad. As I was coming up, I had very limited exposure, and my aspirations were very guided by the aspirations my parents had for me. My parents saw my skill in basketball and as the only one of 3 girls who was remotely interested in sports, they figured it was my destiny. They also saw how outspoken I am and how unafraid of the spotlight I am. I used to participate in everything at our church, and do it well. Everyone kind already predetermined for me that I would become a pastor. I would hear it every week from family and church members.
What is your favorite childhood memory that involved art? This can be from any of the arts. Music, poetry, film, etc.
My favorite childhood memory involving art… sheesh! That’s tough because I have a lot surrounding music, but I don’t think any of those are my favorite. I played the clarinet from 4th grade to 11th grade and have had plenty of winter and spring concerts, several solos, etc. (I’m a jack of all trades lol). My favorite moment surrounding art is something very small and extremely specific surrounding film, surprisingly. My dad is a big movie buff, so I’ve watched a great deal of movies in my lifetime. One of our favorite things to watch used to be the Matrix Trilogy. One small detail always stood out to my dad and I; we loved how the name “Neo” is an anagram, a word that houses another word when you rearrange the letters. The word inside is “one”. So when Morpheus called Neo the one, we just marveled at the cinematic genius in the wordplay. Very nerdy, but will stick with me forever.
What inspired you to become a writer? Where did your love and passion for wanting to captivate a reader/listener with your wittiness and wordplay come from?
Realizing that I articulate my emotions best through writing is what inspired me to continue to do it, and to actually make it useful. I didn’t take writing seriously for a while. I only wrote in school and my teachers would either tell my mom how advanced I was, or ask me to use my work as a demonstration. As I got older, I started to write in a journal that my mom got for me. I guess she recognized my gift for writing before I did. Her and my grandmother also used to write. Poetry, mainly, but stories as well. I believe she saw the same thing in me and just gave subtle hints at me trying my hand at it. My writing originally has just been personal. The first time I ever shared a personal piece of writing was to my father in an attempt to share my feelings with him. I felt too nervous to actually verbalize my thoughts, so I wrote them to him. One day muuuuch later, I was snooping through in his room and found the letter still perfectly intact, and figured my words must be meaningful. I didn’t consider actually becoming a writer until this year. I was listening to a MeatSpady album (shout out to my guy!) and I was writing a synopsis of it to try and put myself in his shoes and get to the root of the music a bit more. I sent my synopsis to him and he basically told me I write like I really do this for real. I told him I would give it a try, and haven’t looked back. Sharing my work came from realizing other people may struggle with verbalizing the very same emotions that I’m dealing with. I want to be a voice for those who can’t articulate their thoughts because I know what that’s like.
What type of writing style do you think you’ve incorporated into your craft that derives from the way you grew up/things you’ve been through that sets you apart from other writers?
I have a love for music that stems mainly from my father but from my entire family in general. All genres of music. We have singers and musicians every which way you look in my family. I mainly credit my dad for diversifying my ear with different genres and time periods of music. So I think I subconsciously have developed a specific ear for cadences, rhythms, intonations, inflections, rhyming, and wordplay. I think that’s why I gravitated to spoken word pieces. It’s more than just writing. It’s a performance. It’s a song in its own right. By bringing it to life, I’m adding another layer to my message. I want every piece to have a flow. I want it to almost physically move, so that it physically moves you.
What does your creative process look like? Do you plan out what you’re going to write with spoken words or does it just come to you all at once and you have to think fast to find a notepad to write down your thoughts before you lose them? (because that’s me 98% of the time, LOL)
My process starts out the same pretty much with each piece. I get a thought, strong emotion, or think about an experience and get struck with a word or phrase that I can’t shake. I call it “the bones”. Then I really sit and take the time to put flesh on those bones. I have no idea what pieces will become spoken word pieces until I get some flesh on the bones. I can never tell right away. I have pieces that started with the intention of spoken word and ended as just poems, and vice versa. But once I get locked in on “the bones”, I can write anywhere. On the bus or train, walking, laying in bed before sleep, anywhere. Once I start, I go. I never fear losing them because the baseboards of the pieces captivate me and just replay in my head until I do something with it. I’m grateful for that.
How has your time as an adult shaped/changed the way you view the world now compared to when you were just a young doe-eyed girl with a dream? Do you feel like the experiences that you’ve had in the real world and things that you’ve seen outside of what you knew as a kid have changed the way you are as a person which then inadvertently changed the way you write poetry?
Being an adult has drastically changed my world. It has opened my eyes, my mind, my heart, and my spirit in many ways. I grew up very sheltered and spoiled, I can admit. When I started making my own decisions, dealing with my own emotional trauma, embarking on my own journeys and only having myself to blame for how things go, things definitely changed. The way I write now is so different than how I used to write. I used to write just for leisure. Now I write for sanity, for mental clarity. I write to express not only myself but to express what I see and feel in others around me. Growing up I have always had a big heart and was very empathetic. I was labeled as the “sensitive” one. I cried when people cried. I hurt when people hurt. Everything hit me in the heart. But I didn’t really understand it or know what to do with it. Now, I use writing as an outlet to process and verbalize those emotions. I write with purpose now.
Think back to the first spoken word poem that you put out for others to hear. Think back to how you felt when you pressed “send”… when you pressed “post”… The butterflies. The way your heart may have sank into your stomach awaiting the feedback from others. What were your feelings after sharing your first spoken word poem? Did the feedback you received change your confidence at all?
Before sharing the post, I asked a few people for their opinions. I was very nervous, but received only positive feedback which encouraged me to actually post it. I came to the decision that I was posting it to help at least one person. And I helped myself, so I had already achieved my goal! So the validation of others wasn’t something I was relying on to give my writing a sense of worth and purpose. After I posted it, I put my phone down and walked away lol. But I eventually checked my socials and was like “wow. They actually like it!” To see people actually resonate with my work really made me so happy. Especially like my little cousins. I try to be a good role model for them and to make them proud means a lot to me.
Babygirl let me tell you, “Welcome to the Hive”… that piece right there? The way I can relate to this piece that you recorded is a little scary. Not in a bad way though, in a very poetic but sad way. The way that anxiety pains me daily is something that I have been battling for years and I have never been able to full express what goes through my mind everyday and the round the clock battle that goes on in my mind daily no matter how hard I try to shut it off. You explained anxiety for myself and many in the most beautiful way. Was there anything specific going on in your life during the time that you wrote this that inspired this piece?
Well first, thank you! That piece meant a lot to me. It actually took the longest to write, but the shortest to record myself doing. It was the most personal piece for me, I’d say, because it was something most people knew nothing about concerning me. People know I have hyperthyroidism, people know my mom has an autoimmune disease. But anxiety isn’t something people think of when they think of me. Majority of the time I am outside of my room, I’m laughing and smiling, bussing it up with everyone. So to show this side of me was a tough decision for me, but a necessary one. Around the time of making this piece, I had just started therapy and was addressing a lot of things that I had suppressed emotionally for a long time. Dealing with all of that, on top of my PT program, social life, family responsibilities… it was a lot. I started losing sleep, appetite was decreasing, etc. So I sat in my basement and wrote. And then recorded almost immediately after I finished. I knew it would be a spoken word piece as I was putting the flesh on the bones. And I knew I had to record it before my anxiety told me not to.
Being that you wrote “Welcome to the Hive”, one can assume that you too also suffer from anxiety. Are there specific things that you do to help with that part of you that is honestly an uphill daily battle?
Yes, one can correctly assume that. The first thing I do is pray. It helps me start my day with gratitude and purpose. I workout, so I recommend exercise. I try to stay on a daily routine so I don’t get too carried away mentally. Structure is important to battle anxiety. In my daily routine is a slot for me time. Now I can admit, I don’t always give myself that time. Sometimes I will overwork myself, I’m still trying to find that balance. But I try my best to decompress at some point in the day. Lately, I have been watching Keenan and Kel to decompress. One of the biggest and best things that I can suggest outside of prayer is letting trusted people in your life know that you’re struggling. You don’t have to be specific, but just let them know how to be there for you. I did that with my family and friends and it changed things so positively for me. At any given moment I can text my folks “I’m having a rough one, I need a FT and some jokes today” and they have my back. Find someone. It’s hard to fight alone.
When Everybody Loves You but You Part One & Two!!! Ma’am. Not enough snaps in the world can give you the amount of praise you deserve for this! The lines that hit me the most, “The love that I lack the most is mine…searching for something that I can only find within” and “Tired of feeling loveless when I’m surrounded by nothing but it”. Man, the way those hit me… Is a conversation for another day. However, I know being you’re the one that wrote it, it without a doubt hit you so many ways! Please, explain for my readers what inspired this beautiful, timeless, melodic-but sad, piece?
Again, thank you!! I realized it after a break up actually. I realized I had not been able to receive love well from my significant other or even from my family because I didn’t think I was worthy of it. Before making that realization, I kept finding myself feeling empty, but it wasn’t really anyone else’s doing. I had a hole within me, a hole of “self-loathing”. I am very hard on myself which is something else I am working on. I hold a lot of things against myself and beat myself up a lot. So when people tell me they love me and they’re proud of me, it doesn’t sink in because I’m sinking in a sea of self-pity. But as of late, I have adopted more of a “ish happens” attitude and try to learn from myself and give myself more grace. I just sit and realize how much I have accomplished, how much I have overcome, the odds I’ve beaten. And it drastically outnumbers and outweighs the “bad”. I don’t even like to call it the bad anymore, because without it I wouldn’t be better.
So, you’ve sent me plenty of haikus to read and ma’am let me tell you how much I am in love with these! You have a gift, a true gift and I am blown away by your talent and the way that you literally take the broken parts of your heart and you put it directly onto paper with no hesitation. It’s brave and courageous. I really didn't want to pick one because I love them all, but if I had to just pick one, Haiku #2. “Precious inner peace. Made from the many pieces. Of my brokenness”. Wow. I mean, only someone who knows true pain can understand this and what it means. To have to piece together the broken parts of you to create peace within yourself. *SNAP SNAP*!! You are a genius. Please let my readers know which haiku was your favorite out of all of them that you’ve written and what inspired it?
I’m not sure I can say I have a favorite. They all resonate with a different part of me so deeply and span such a wide range of emotional experiences. I started writing haikus because I love anime. So I started thinking about how I could incorporate that into my writing. With most of the anime I watch being Japanese, I just made the connection to try haikus. I feel in love with it immediately. I enjoy challenging myself to be concise yet impactful. I think that less truly can be more in some cases, and I showcase that with haikus.
Had you not been through the things that you have been through in life, do you believe you would be as good of a writer that you are now? Why or why not?
No. I think I could still be a skilled writer, but I would lack the passion. It would lack connection to the readers and listeners, which is the point for me. I would be like how I was before, just writing for leisure. It wouldn’t hit the same for me, and I probably wouldn’t even share my work it to be honest. I share it because of what I’ve seen, what I’ve gone through with other people. I know people are struggling just like me, going through seemingly inexplicable emotions just like me. Without having been through what I’ve been through, my viewpoint would be very different, very naive and immature.
What is it about writing and expressing your feelings and emotions through spoken word that makes you feel safe?
That there’s no wrong answer. There’s no penalty, no rulebook. It’s just what you want to say and how you want to say it. There is no expectation for your words. I love that. Every piece is fresh. Unrelated to the previous one unless you want it to relate. Everything is dictated by you. Your emotional process. Your writing process. Your recording process. It’s unique to you and no one can take that away from you. That’s what makes it feel safe to me.
Whenever there is a time where you feel like giving up, what is the thing that motivates you the most to keep pushing no matter what?
When I’m going after something, I think of two things. I think of the people who will love to see me make it across my metaphorical finish line, and I think of how I am so close to what I have prayed for. I try to remember that there are people rooting for me, and that gives me energy. I also try to remember that I am on paths to what I asked God to provide for me. I am in PT school which is an answered prayer already. But when I feel like quitting, I remember I asked God to make it possible and He did. So I have to uphold my end of the bargain, and I’m all for reciprocity! I don’t like to disappoint.
When you are at your absolute lowest when it comes to the way you’re feeling mentally, who/what/or where do you turn to?
I turn to my siblings the most. I turn to my friends and basketball second most. Then comes running or taking walks. I wrote a poem for myself about how I value prayer so much, but sometimes I just need someone here in my space to hear me out and be a physical presence to ground me. My siblings and friends provide that for me, and for that I am grateful. Basketball gives me a time to unplug from everything and just exist in my element, along with having fun with the people I play with to whom I am grateful as well. Running or walking just gives me space to breathe, to feel invigorated and alive, to look at the world and remember I am still here in it.
When you’ve hit creative blocks, what are some things that you do to re-center yourself and get those juices flowing again?
One thing I DONT do is re-read my past work lol. I write a lot of things and never read them again. I also never share an unfinished piece. I feel like it kills the product right there. What I actually do is leave it alone. Or I start another version of it and divert onto a new path with it. Sometimes it works as a totally new end product, sometimes it makes me see that the original product was fine the way it was and to stick with it. Wait for the rets to come.
What was the most challenging thing you’ve faced so far with your writing and how did you overcome that?
Being truthful with my emotions. Some stuff I write and say “geez that’s dark” and want to erase. But I don’t. I may fight with myself, but I leave it there. Saying the words out loud is terrifying in some cases as well. But again, it’s a necessary part of my process for some pieces and ultimately it becomes freeing for me to conquer that feat. I will have a million takes of the same spoken word piece until it feels right. A friend of mine, BRoc, said something to me that stuck with me. “It’s just becoming more and more comfortable with saying your own words out loud for the public. The more you do it the better you will get.” Thank you B. It’s getting easier now.
Do you write as a hobby or is this something that you hope one day can take you places? If you ask me, you’re already in the car on the way to those places!
Right now, it’s a hobby. But there’s too much passion in my pieces for it to just stay as a hobby. I’ve been asked to do pieces at several places, but with school my schedule can get very tight sometimes. One day I’ll perform a piece somewhere, who knows lol. I recognize my gift for it and I don’t want to downplay it.
What are you most thankful for in your life right now?
I am thankful for so much, but I’ve already said a lot so I will keep it rather concise here. Im thankful for my loved ones and their support, the health and safety of myself and my loved ones, and for having the opportunities to chase my dreams. God is great.
Do you have any other passions/hobbies? If so what are they?
I have a lot of hobbies, but only one passion outside of writing. Basketball is a huuuuge passion of mine. I’ve been playing since I can remember. I played ompetitively for the bulk of my life, but I play for leisure now (grant it, it’s still competitive). I love to watch it, analyze it, play it, watch documentaries about it, I’ve been to the Hall of Fame and to my favorite college and pro team’s arenas (Go Uconn and Celtics!). Other hobbies of mine are singing, doing puzzles, bowling, and skating (ice and inline).
What is the best advice you can give anyone who is also passionate about writing and poetry but doesn't really know where to start?
The best way to start is by getting it out. There’s no wrong way to do it. You will see what works, what styles you like, what makes you feel complete. Just try, just start. Start for you. Do it because you want to. Someone somewhere needs to read your words, even if that someone is you.
What is the ultimate message you are conveying for the people who love you and support you through your art?
My overall message in everything I put out is “you are not alone”. Our thoughts and anxieties make us feel alone, but we aren’t. My pastor recently said that “we are all united by pain”. Everyone has their share. Everyone has a problem, a struggle, a conflict. So I try to be the voice of the struggle while providing as much advice for getting through it as I can.
What is the end all goal for your life personally and professionally? What will be the catalyst in your life that will make you say, damn, I have finally made it?
Professionally, I will be a pediatric physical therapist. I’ll work in a children’s hospital or rehab center, and then eventually own one. And then several. I will be the best at what I do, as a black female in a predominately white profession. I will retire, look back, and say “I didn’t just win the game, I changed the game”. Personally, the end goal is just to be a good person and give life my best. I want people to see me and be inspired to be more empathetic, kind, and to enjoy life more.
Do you have any shout outs you want to give to any special people in your life?
First and foremost, I thank God for everything. Always. Without Him I have nothing and am nothing. To my siblings (in age order) Deion, Sara, Yani, Hersey and Kenya, I love y’all more than I could ever express. You all have saved my life in different ways. I thank you. To my Mom and Pops, I love you and thank you for everything. To my pastor, R Shawn Edmonds, Capacity Church, to my team, PG MD Macy Ashley Khalil, y’all keep me uplifted and keep me going. To the Whack League #WBL, y’all are my family and my life is better with y’all in it. To Grace, Sophie, Lauren, and Jade. Ladies, ladies, ladies. There’s nothing to say but thank you. And to you, Neci, thank you does not express my true gratitude. I love you from writer to writer, and from friend to friend.
Andria's Haikus
