*Personal*Small Backstory of my Relationship + What Led to Me Admitting My Sexual Fantasy

**long post alert**
Personal backstory of my relationship/confronting my sexual fantasy that I haven’t shared. Judgment free zone! Click below.

​Everyone fantasizes about wild things, you know. I mean, it’s just in our nature. We fantasize about things that are good, maybe even sometimes bad, definitely kinky, and sometimes it may scare us the things we fantasize about. Trust me, I’ve had this bad. Y’all voted for the very personal tea on IG so I’m going to go ahead and run it.
Let’s dive in.
So how do you really approach your spouse about what you fantasize about in the bedroom or just in general when you’re alone and all of your dirty thoughts come crashing and you start to question your sanity? I can tell you sometimes it’s no walk in the park. Sometimes we get insecure with the things we fantasize about because it may be humiliating or embarrassing. We are afraid that if we say it aloud then we have to actually confront the type of shit we think about. I’ll tell you my experience with this and hopefully, If you’re also struggling with talking to your partner about your deepest sexual fantasies, it’ll open up the door for you to have the conversation and see if maybe they’ll like it too.


So, in 2020 my partner and I had a great year. Stressful a little bit, but we had a good year. We had just rekindled in September/October of 2019 when I filed for divorce with my ex husband. I’ve known my partner since I was 11 years old and for years we did the back and forth thing and finally when I was 17 we decided we were going to be together foreal this time. Well, long story short, I fucked up and made the decision to choose my then boyfriend who ended up becoming my ex husband. I don’t regret it, because I have my son and I learned a lot in that relationship. But, Jeremy was my first love. Even though there was history there, I chose what was convenient for me at the time. Jeremy was never ready the way I was obviously because we were kids and y’all know boys will be boys. So, when he finally was “ready”, I wasn’t. Fast forward 6 years later, 2019 after I filed for my divorce we hit it off, hard. Those 6 years he spent single, a bachelor. Doing whoever, however, whenever. So you can imagine how hard it was to let that life go when we rekindled. At the end of 2020 in October, we visited family in Houston. I suggested He get a hotel and have time to himself so I could go hangout with my girls. LOL. That was not a good idea… or was it? Let’s just say a few days after we came back home I needed to use his phone for something on instagram and I did get curious. I saw a message that seemed suspicious between him and another girl from the time we were in Houston so I confronted him about it… he came clean. He admitted to what he’d done even though he didn’t have to. Nothing in the message led me to believe they had sex but I’m a woman and I know. He didn’t lie to me which I appreciated, but regardless….. all that to say, was I hurt when I found it, maybe for like 30 minutes. Why is that you ask? Whew… because, that shit turned me on. Yup. You read correctly. Now, did he know that at the time? No. I was afraid to admit my “weird” fantasy of wanting to watch my man have sex with another woman. I didn’t understand why I wanted that at all. I had to do some research and I found out that I’m not the only woman who wants that. The reason it freaked me out though is because I am actually very protective over him in so many ways, especially with other women, but then, I’ll allow my fantasies to take over and I’ll want to watch him be pleased by someone else because it’s just sexy to me. What makes him feel good, makes me feel even better. I can safely say that this also probably stems from my submissive nature in my relationship inside and outside of the bedroom, whatever daddy wants he gets. That’s my motto. So you can imagine how crazy he thought I was when I went from crying to wanting to have sex. LOL. He was humiliated and ashamed of what he’d done. He made a mistake, he isn’t a bad person. I’m a very understanding woman, and while I will NOT allow a man to walk all over me, I still am understanding of the nature of a man in situations. So I sat there with him and I talked to him. I finally opened up to him and I told him like look, if you get these urges, you can talk to me because chances are I’m down with the shit too. He was very surprised, but he didn’t take it the way I thought. I thought he’d be disgusted or possibly disappointed in me for some reason. Why I thought that? I don’t know. I had always thought that my fantasy of watching another woman ride him was just way too far gone. I didn’t want it to open up doors for another woman to come in and fuck with my shit. But once he wrapped his head around the fact that I get turned on at the thought of another woman making him feel good, I could see his ego and his conscience battling in that moment. I could see how it made him feel good that I wanted him to have sex with another woman for my pleasure and his, but I could see how he was heartbroken that he did hurt me. Because regardless of my sexual fantasies, when it’s all over and done with, that chocolate dream is MINE. Our relationship has been blissful ever since. Let’s just say that night? He got a different side of me in the bedroom and I’m sure whatever hooks I had in him, got pushed in way deeper when I was done.
Now to be clear, I’m not down the polygamy shit at allllll but a night of pleasure? Count me all the way in.


My advice to you if you are fantasizing about some shit you think your partner won’t like or will change the way they think of you, tell them anyway. Relationships are about honesty. Maybe if I would’ve come clean about something that turns me on almost more than anything else, we would’ve had a different scenario. I could’ve enjoyed it too, you feel me? You could be missing out on living out some of your most wildest fantasies just by staying silent. Like I told y’all before during erotic Friday’s, tell them what you want! You want to be choked and treated like a slut in the BEDROOM? Tell him. You want her to blind fold you and devour her favorite snack with the caramel? Tell her that. You wanna bend her over on the balcony of a hotel in a new city? Tell her. You want to role play? He’s the helpless patient and you’re the naughty nurse? Tell him. I mean, y’all, tell your partner what it is you want! It could go one of two ways… either way, you expressed it and you were honest about things you are desiring.


Thanks for reading 🔥🤪