Tipsy Talk | He Has My Heart Foreal...12/16/2021 YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL.
Omg. So yall already know these tipsy talks are very random and probably not politically correct. Punctuation might be off. Spelling may not be all the way correct. But ya know what? It's okay. Sooooo yeah. Man. **inserts crying face emoji**. Yall just DONT KNOW. This man, this man caught my eye when I was 11 years old in the hallways of Paul Revere Middle School. 11 years old. I COULD JUST CRY RIGHT NOW. I still remember the day he first spoke to me. It was easy to remember because it was my 12th birthday. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was asking somebody for some money because it was my birthday and he passed by me and said "happy birthday. I would give you a dollar but I dont got it." GIRRRRLLLLLLL. I just about melted in my whole body. Whatever my body was feeling in that moment, I knew nothing of it. I had never felt that feeling before, ever. When I heard that New Orleans accent, I almost died right there on the pale, cold, hard, middle school floor. I knew of him, but had never exchanged words until that day. He was so fine, walking up and down them hallways all year like he owned them, and he did. He was in 7th grade and I was in 6th. So of course, naturally, somebody older than me who's fine, funny, and got that accent? Lord Jesus, help me. Now, I know what ya'll are thinking. Her little fast ass at 11 years old feeling all these different ways. Ehh, yeah yeah, laugh it up... and bite me! It was always something about him that just, caught my eye and made me feel good. But, obviously I didn't have classes with him because we were in different grades. But I saw him in passing, and I asked my other friends about him. He was just, my everything, without even knowing it. Now, I wasn't a ugly kid by any means. But lets just say I did have a little glow up. So, in 6th grade, I wasn't as confident as I was in High School. So, OF COURSE, I never approached him. But there he was, on my birthday, actually speaking to me. After an entire year. My 6th grade year was just 2 years after Katrina, and so my middle school was filled with people who came from Louisiana. It was a whole new world for people in Texas. Especially for kids in school. Here are these people from a whole different world it feels like. Bringing uniqueness to our city and schools. I loved it. I didn't love their situation, but I loved being around people who at the time to me seemed like they were from a different world. I was fascinated. But it wasn't JUST that he was from Louisiana that fascinated me, it was his demeanor. His aura. His light. His smile. His... everything. Everything about him sent chills up my body and at that time, I was so young. I didn't understand what was happening within my mind and my heart. All I knew was, I needed him. I needed him in my life and I didn't care how he was there. As an associate, as a friend, as a boyfriend, I didn't care. I just needed him to be somebody who I interacted with on a daily. My heart ached on days we didn't speak. On days I didn't see him clowning in the hallway. All I did was look for him in the sea of people everyday in the hallways. Yeah, I know. Yall probably think I was some little nerd ass girl being all weird and shit. No ma'am. I've had game since I came out the womb. LOL! Nah, foreal though. I wasn't desperate for nobody. I've always had MY PICK. Whoever I wanted, I got. But, Jeremy was different. Yeah, he was my first love (which I'll get into detail about how we got together for the first time in another post), but even though he was my first love, before we even got together, I knew something was different about him. It shows now more than ever. I guess my heart always knew. Because back then, he was always clowning and being funny. That's what everyone knew him as. Even when we finally exchanged Myspace names and all back then, I was still only 12 years old. I didn't really see the difference in him from other dudes because I was a youngin'. Not only that, but I had nobody to compare him to. He was the first boy I let into my heart, my mind, and the first boy I made my boyfriend. Looking back, I see how he was different. Even though he was still a little immature. He was still more mature than any dude in my class. He still called me all the sweet names I loved to hear. He still saw me for who I was. He still saw the potential in me that I am today. He still chose me back then. Out of all the other girls he could've had. He chose me. Yeah, we didn't last, obviously. We were so young. But, we knew then, just as we know now. I had my time to go out in the world and find other love. Which I found. We didn't always know we would end up together. There was a period of time when I didn't think we'd ever speak again. And, in a way, came to terms with that. Fast forward to years and years later, here we are. Together, with a family, a beautiful daughter and my handsome son he calls his own. If you would've told me this when I was 12, I would've passed THE F*CK OUT. A life and kids with Jeremy?! The Jeremy from the 7th grade hall? With the heavy accent? That Jeremy?! You lyin'. LOL. I would've never believed it. But here it is. I am living my absolute dream. This man has been everything I've dreamed of and more. He found me again, broken from a really hard relationship and he helped me put my pieces back together. He swooped me up and has treated me as queen ever sense. I got my happily ever after and I will FIGHT like hell to keep it.
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It's almost the end of the year and here I am still feeling anxious about something new and new changes. Anyone who knows me knows I am afraid of change. Going into the year 2022 is a little frightening for me. This year was a roller coaster of different changes and emotions and for ONCE I would just love if things could be good and stay good for a few years, ya know? Am I being unreasonable? Probably... but I mean, it sucks when things are constantly changing. When things start to fall in place I get skeptical and I don't like that. The rug has been ripped from under me a few times in life after things started going well. The last thing I need is good things to come and bad things to follow. I just got a new job paying more than I've ever made since I entered the workforce and I start in a few weeks. My partner is working a steady job, my kids are doing good. Things are really starting to fall in place. 2022 is looking like a year of growth for us and it feels really good. On the other end, it's scary! Since 2020, things have been weird and backwards in life as I'm sure we all can relate to. Now 2 years into this "pandemic" I am getting my footing and finding a place of balance in life. All I pray, is that things stay steady for my life for as long as it can before things get rocky as we all know it will get. Because why? it's life.
This upcoming year I am making sure to keep myself in a peaceful state of mind. Yes, I have a little anxiety about the new year, but I am vowing to keep my head on straight. I've been through a lot and I deserve the way life is going right now. As long as I keep God in the center and my focus tight, I will be okay. I will be able to handle those rocky days. This year, I spent the whole year pregnant pretty much. I was stressed, tired, sick, depressed, and all over the place. I am excited to start off a new year with a new job, new mindset, and new goals. Yall know me, I am not a New Years Resolution person. The reason for that is because it's so cliché. So instead, I write a list of intentions. Things I am intending to do, but won't beat myself up for if it doesn't happen. This year I intend to make sure to stay positive, peaceful, and focused. This year I am going to stay focused on God, my family, myself, my blog and school. Not only that, but I want to make sure that we are being smarter about money and investing in our futures. I've opened up a few savings accounts and they are ready for funding ;). I am ready for better, and I'm going to get it. We all deserve more than whatever we are getting allowing ourselves to receive right now. I don't say that in a cocky way at all. I just mean that we all need to get into the mindset that we need to do better in our lives and in our financial decisions. Financial freedom is out there for us all, and this year, I am grabbing it by the reigns! And yes baby, ya'll will be along for the ride. I have tons of content planned for the new year with the new things I will be implementing in my life. I hope I can inspire and make changes. Love you all. Peace. Wow. Are we really in December? This year flew by so quickly I don't even know what to say. This year was not one of my favorites to say the least. Actually the only thing great that came from this year was having my daughter in September and my man getting a new job that pays pretty well. For the majority of this year, it was hell on wheels for us. I mean, financial burdens, car broke down, losing jobs, catching COVID. I mean, it was just too much. Things did turn around though and I can say it's been smooth sailing for the last 3 months. I thank God that he allowed us to make it through this year alive. We got some bumps, bruises, and scars but we made it through. Lately things have been great as far as kids and my relationship. My babygirl is smiling and laughing now and getting so big! My son is about to be 6 next week and is growing up so fast on me. The other day his teacher told me he knows all his letters, their sounds, and he's beginning to read! He's been bringing home books from his reading group and he's able to read the entire thing to me. I think that is so amazing. Watching your child grow is something so beautiful, but terrifying at the same time. We blink our eyes and all of the sudden they're adults. Crazy.
Mentally, I am not doing the best. I always go through these rough mental health patches and I really hate that it happens, but it's life. I've learned to at least try to embrace when this happens. I've learned that maybe I need to sit with these feelings and thoughts and maybe figure out why I am feeling that way instead of trying to ignore it. I have been stressing about going back to work on the 13th. Am I happy to have two incomes finally? Hell yes! But I strongly dislike my position at my company. It is depressing and I am ready for something new. I really would like a new job because I should not dread going back to work this hard when I don't even have to leave my house to get there! Obviously, this job is not what my heart wants. Today I expressed to Jeremy that I am just wondering about our life long term. We decided we probably aren't going to put our baby girl in daycare and she more than likely is going to be homeschooled. We decided this before we even had a child. With that, comes scarifies. Even though I work from home, that does not mean my house can be a daycare as well. So it worries me for the very near future on how things will play out with a baby/toddler and a work from home job. Also, once she is supposed to start school what will we do financially so that I can stay home with her and teach her? I know it's about another 3-4 years, but that time will come sooner than we know it. We really agree that family is more important than anything and so are our kids. Yes, social interaction is great for kids but at what cost? The world is literally going to hell in a hand basket and most of us know it. Most of us can feel it. But we ignore it. We don't say it aloud. The thing is we don't want to expose our child to things that we don't want her to learn, period. My son started out in daycare at 18 months and he has been in school. He LOVES school. Since he has already had the chance to experience I don't think I'd have the heart to pull him out and homeschool him. However, depending on how he starts to grow and learn, that decision may have to be made. This world is made for homeschooling parents now. So many homeschool groups to be apart of and awesome curriculums you can purchase. When you decide to homeschool your children you're making a financial sacrifice 9/10, but you are choosing right in the long run. I don't judge, though. Not everyone has the means and not everyone agrees and that's ok! But as for me and my family, we strongly believe in homeschooling. So, I am preparing my heart and mind to take on that role for my daughter and possibly my son in the future. My babies are so important and the things they learn will be the things that they carry with them. I would rather myself and Jeremy be the most influential people in their lives and not complete strangers. Anyway, throw in a bottle of wine about 3 nights a week, binging on old shows, and losing my mind from lack of sleep, that is my life lately in a nutshell. I love you all, thanks for reading. |
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