Summer was beginning to calm down as the fall began to creep around the corner. Long hot days started to turn into warm soft kisses on my skin with a cool breeze to accompany it.
Stepping off the bed making my way to the small kitchen as the old floor underneath my feet would creak and say good morning to me.
Sleepy eyes still tired from the long night before, but as the summer said goodbye, there was no time to sleep in and miss the beauty of a chilly morning. Every sunrise like clock work I'd open the door and close the screen, allowing all of the cool air to refresh our old space.
The sounds of the cars buzzing by on the Westbank Expressway paired with the sound of the coffee making it's way into the coffee pot was so calming for me. It was almost always a quiet morning in the Pink House.
The smell of fresh cut wet grass entered the air and it brought back nostalgic feelings. Do you remember as a kid? Ready for school stepping outside and seeing the dew on the grass continue to collect itself and the smell in the air was always the same? Every morning? Yeah, that smell. That feeling.
Everyday I'd take my son to his little white brick school across the Huey P. Long Bridge in the city of Harahan. We'd listen to his favorite song, "Love of my Life" by Erykah Badu and Common. It's not even a joke it literally is his favorite song and every time we'd get in the car he'd say, "Mommy, mommy, can you play my song?" He'd have me put it on the entire ride and we would just sing together as we drove across the bridge, over the beautiful river with the sights of all the industrial boats that I love to see. I know the river to some people may just be a river and nothing more. But for me, it is so much more. I can't explain it and I can't describe it. But, any time I talk about my favorite things that dwell in the city that stole my heart, it is as if I've lived there before in a past life. That is exactly how it feels and so when I would pass this river, it just felt like home. And maybe because I am a writer, I tend to over romanticize things. But, I can promise you, that this is not one of those things. This isn't a moment in which I am trying to capture something so that my reader feels good. This is exactly how I felt about my life and the things I experienced everyday when I lived there. There was always some type of nostalgic or dejavu type of moment as if my soul dwelled in the river once before. That drive across that bridge every morning always put me in the best mood. And even when my morning didn't start off as slow and peaceful, even when my mornings started off hectic, even on the days I woke up frustrated, that short bridge drive with the water moving in different directions and the old rusted industrial boats, I instantly felt peace.
By the time I got back home, my love would be awake. He would always hug me from behind and say grand rising beautiful, with a soft kiss on my neck, as I poured my coffee into my huge baby Yoda mug. At the time, it was the only mug I owned. Swirls of whipped cream and hot liquid underneath was the official start to my day. As I'd sip my coffee and stare at the cars passing, the wet grass, and the sun beginning to rise even more, he would open every curtain and let the light steal the darkness of the night that was still trying to hold on. He'd grab his coffee that I made for him and he'd put his herb in the pipe that sat at the end of his mug that I had gotten for him on his birthday. It was a sip and smoke mug and it was perfect for the early mornings. Nothing too much, just a good hit, with the best coffee because I made it.
Sometimes we'd talk and have a chatty conversation in the mornings and sometimes we'd just sit there with each other drinking coffee and listening to music.
Sometimes, I feel as though I took the little pink house for granted. My mind at the time was not where it is today. Although then I was starting to mature, I think my heart sometimes always wanted more. A bigger kitchen, more space to walk around in, an updated home. Now that I look back, I still understand why we left the pink house, but if I could go back and do it all over again, I would.
I spent a lot of time there because of COVID and sometimes I think I just got very anxious and bored of seeing the same 4 walls for so long. And now that I remember how much peace I had there, I miss it very much. I miss the beautiful tapestries we had on the walls and the string lights we put up. I miss the neon lights in the room at night. I miss the light up stars that Jeremy got for BabyJ to have in his room at night. I miss the sound of Jazz music coming from BabyJ's room at 2am because he wouldn't go to bed without it. I miss staying up late watching hours of conspiracy theory videos on YouTube drinking wine with my baby. I miss stepping outside with him to smoke late at night as we watched the stars on nights we could actually see them. I miss the rain storms and late night tea. And even though we can have that anywhere, I miss it..... there. I think what made that house so special is because it was the first place I ever lived in that wasn't In Texas, wasn't 20 minutes away from family and friends. I was "isolated", but in a good way. Now that I've matured so much in the past two years, I see exactly why that isolation was needed. I grew so much in that house and I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't taken the leap of faith and moved 6 hours across the state line. That house was my first step to the person I am right now. I learned independence there, I learned how to not be so much up under my family, I learned how to be alone.
To the pink house on the corner of West Drive, thank you for the part you played in my growth.
Tea and the Summer Moonlight
The time always went by so slow during these days, but then at the same time it didn’t.
The days started running into each other due to how much we had to be in the house looking at the same 4 walls and tv.
Trying to find things to do on a day to day in 2020 with ourselves and a 4 year old wasn’t easy, but we made it work.
But once the heat of the day subsided, the sun said goodnight, and the darkness fell, it was our alone time.
Put the little one to bed by 8:30, read him a book and kiss him goodnight.
Open up the door to our tiny duplex so we could feel any nice breeze that was rolling in.
Turning on all of the string lights we had hanging in our room and kitchen. Making sure everything was nice and tidy for the next day of laying around doing absolutely nothing.
But my favorite thing about these summer nights was our tea time.
It was such an unintentional romantic gesture that took place almost every night and looking back, I’m seeing just how much those moments meant to me.
You would be in the room playing one of your tedious, hard to explain video games and I would be in the kitchen. Big t shirt, barefoot, messy hair… buzzing off of whatever wine concoction I drank while making us dinner just a few hours prior.
I would boil our water, cut up oranges, lemons, and gather our favorite tea mixture. Lavender & chamomile was always the go to.
The secret to my best night time tea was adding fresh orange slices and a few squeezes of orange juice. It changed the night time tea game forever.
Added a little sugar and honey and just like magic, the best hot tea you’ve ever tasted.
Going a night without it wasn’t a thing during those days. It was our routine. It was simple and sweet and everything about it brought me comfort.
Once it was done, you’d come and grab yours and we’d stand outside together and just breathe in the fresh air. Standing under the moonlight and being present in the moment. Not worried about the next day. Not worried about the 700th Covid case that was being reported. We were just, there. Soul connecting quietly over hot tea in the muggy New Orleans summer nights.
These are the moments that I will remember when I’m old and gray. ❤️
In order to truly feel the magic of the city, you have to step outside of the tourist attractions. You have to have lived it. Breathed it. The magic in New Orleans goes far beyond getting drunk on Bourbon St and taking photos of beignets while sitting at Cafe Du Monde in the French Quarter.
Once the fun is over, once the bars turn their lights out, once the tourists leave back to their hometown, it’s just… New Orleans.
It’s the quietness of the river, it’s the waves crashing at Lake Pontchartrain, it’s the locals eating under the moonlight at the cute brick cafes and eateries on the East Bank, it’s the mischief in the night, it’s the local kids playing football in the neutral ground, it’s the girl with big dreams clocking out of her long day at work at the Winn Dixie on Tchoupitoulas St, it’s the couple sitting on the bench on the levee that overlooks the river & the Crescent City Bridge… it’s just… New Orleans.
Because of the historic buildings, the non-updated structures, the shot gun homes, the old time feel everywhere you go, the city brings forth a nostalgic feeling, at least for me. I truly feel at home in a city I didn’t call home until I was 23 years old. I only lived there for a year, but the city took a hold of me and will forever have a part of me. New Orleans is its own world. It has its own language. It’s own culture. You will not find another like it… and that’s what I love so much about it. The city humbled me and brought me into a space in my mind that allows me to feel free…
There was this one night in December we decided to go for a ride as we always did in 2020. 2020 was scary to say the least, but my hope in 2020 was still alive. By the end of the year, everyone was used to COVID and the restrictions. In fact, most of us were going against the grain and getting outside anyway and mingling with people. Call us careless, I don’t care. I loved going places and seeing people enjoying life. The entirety of 2020 we spent afraid to do anything, go anywhere, see anyone. We spent most of the year in our white suv cruising the streets of New Orleans and surrounding areas. Even took a road trip Mississippi and all over Louisiana, just to get out of the house. But we found a love for taking rides with no destination, just getting in the car and going. Music loud, drinks and snacks, and adventuring out.
We ended up in Gretna on this one night….
It was very cool outside, about 50 degrees. So of course the windows were down halfway, but we also had the heat on because the feeling of hot and cold was perfect.
Gretna is one of those small “cities” on the outskirts of a major city. It’s home to cute little shotgun homes and historic cottages. It gave me a nostalgic comforting feeling, just as NOLA gives me due to the fact that a lot of the structures and homes aren’t modern or updated, but that’s the magic in it.
I remember riding through and seeing families eating at this cafe that looked like a coffee shop. They were smiling and drinking their hot cocoa and coffee. Kids were laughing and playing… it was beautiful.
We rode slowly through the Gretna City hall area because it was decorated for Christmas time so there were lights EVERYWHERE. It was a dream. I felt for a minute like I was in the town of Stars Hollow from the show Gilmore Girls and I felt so at home. At peace.
Not too far from the beautiful sight of lights strung up on trees, families eating at the local restaurants, and couples walking hand in hand underneath the beautiful lit up scenery, was the river. We parked and decided to walk up on the levee to get a perfect view of the city, the river, and the crescent city bridge. There was something so calming every time we went up on the levee to take in the view of the water. I loved the industrial feel of the river. It wasn’t picture perfect, it wasn’t sandy with blue water, it was just… the river. With the boats that were rusted and the water flowing in different directions, liter here and there, but for some reason, I adored it. It was one of those small things we did together and it just brought me back to a nostalgic feeling every time. As if, I’d been there before. As if my soul lived there once. We walked hand in hand on the levee underneath the moon just taking it all in. Letting go of whatever stresses or worries we had…. Allowing whatever bad feelings we had to flow with the river and release the negativity. We didn’t know what was in store for the new year, but we knew at that moment, we had hope for better.
Following the calming walk on the levee, a storm was brewing. We could feel the rain drops on our cold skin so we rushed back to the car and headed home to the pink duplex that sat at the corner of West Dr.
I remember getting into the house and immediately stripping down and into something warm. Thunder and lightning began to show their face, what a perfect time for hot tea and some music.
I made our favorite tea combination, sleepy time, chamomile, fresh lemon juice, a lemon slice, fresh juice from an orange and an orange slice, sugar, and honey.
We stood at the door with the screen closed, door open, and wind flying through… drinking our tea, listening to Jazz music, and enjoying the little moments in life.
What a joy it is to experience life with my soul partner.
If I was asked what my idea of a perfect night is…. It would be this. 🦋✨
Farewell, Apartment 708.
Packing up this place the last few days has me in my feels, as a lot of things do. I don't know if this only happens to me or what, but, I get really attached to places that I've lived... especially if I went through a lot of things in that place. Good and or bad. It's like, damn, you my ride or die. You gave me a place to lay my head when I was at my lowest, I fucks with you. Ya know, that type of bond. I guess because I am such a romantic, I see the love in everything that comes my way. Even, places I've lived. This apartment was me and Jeremy's first REAL apartment together. When we lived in New Orleans, it was a small little duplex barely able to house all three of us at the time, but we made it work and we made it special. I absolutely loved it. When we decided to move back to Texas, we found the cheapest-best apartment we could find that was in a good area so that my son would be able to go to a good school. And then came into our view, apartment 708. Seabrook has been well to us I should say. I mean, for majority of our time living here, we didn't have a well functioning car to be able to go many places. Things really were not the best at all in 2021 for us. As a matter of fact, 2021 was probably the worst year we had. But we went through it, right here, in 708. We spent so much time here, more time than we spent in the little pink duplex in New Orleans during COVID because when we lived in New Orleans, our car ran pretty good. We were all over the place and making sure we got out of the house and into some fresh air. But here, we were stuck most of the time. I worked from home from April 2021 until September 2021 when I got put on bed rest at the end of my maternity leave. Not to mention, we all had COVID in August and the entire month was a suck fest. I was pregnant and sick for more than 3 weeks. It was a nightmare. But I got through it, right here, in 708. There is something so comforting in a very odd way about places that I've lived where I dealt with a shit ton, but got through it. I can't explain the feeling. As much as I've yelled about wanting to leave this very apartment, now that it's happening, things are becoming really bitter sweet. My daughter came home to this very place once she was born. I spent my maternity leave pretty much confined to my room for 8 hours a day with the baby, because Jeremy was working from home and had to have it dead silent in the house. I watched hours of Japanese living on YouTube, I binged watched One Tree Hill for the millionth time. I took hour long mid day naps right along side my beautiful new born baby girl. I found some new Anime. I cried almost everyday because having a child with my middle school sweetheart was making me extremely emotional. I couldn't believe that we created a life and she was here. I battled with depression, I battled with my anxiety, not to mention dealing with all of that, while being sore and in pain from my C-section. Waking up countless times in the middle of the night with tears in my eyes. Making a bottle and rocking my sweet girl back to bed. Nothing made sense to me on a day to day. I cried, I laughed. I was ok... then I wasn't. I guess they call it Postpartum Depression. I didn't want to admit it at the time that, that's what I was going through, but as I am typing this blog post, I am realizing more and more that the PPD monster was on my back, hard. It wasn't fun at all. Everyday was a mental struggle for me during the first few months of my daughters life. It wasn't until I re-created this website that I found peace. I found hope. I found solace in my writing and I began to take my blog more seriously. I created a newsletter, I created this space for me to come and express myself. I created something beautiful, right here, in apartment 708, in Seabrook, by the water. I will hold my experiences here close to me, forever. Because here, was my second place of growth. Here, I found myself with my WRITING again. I can say, that the last two places I've lived, once I moved, I was not the same person I was when I stepped foot there. In New Orleans, I grew as a woman. I set free the things that were enabling me, and I let myself be on my own, for real. Just me, my child, and my man, in our little pink duplex. I finally became a woman. And here? I found myself, as a PERSON. I realized what I really wanted to do with my life and I gained control of the things that made me happy. I started writing again and I truly have found MYSELF as a person. I can say where I am at in my life with who I am, I am content with. Sure there are other things I am working on. But, I have made so much progress in myself over the last 2 years and it feels amazing. I am thankful for this apartment. Not being able to go many places. Not being able to get out and socialize. It made me have to sit in that room, alone, with my thoughts. I worked through that and created something amazing out of it, soulwritermarie.com.
New beginnings are always scary and challenging for me, but just as I've done all year, I am going to get through it. Cheers to my new beginning... Apartment 708, it's been real.
Thank you for reading.
Take me Back to 2020, Yeah, I said it...
People may not understand what I mean by "Take me back to 2020" and that's okay. We all have had different experiences, and that is ok too. But, I am going to go on and talk about what makes me regret screaming for 2020 to be over so soon. I may sound like I am rambling because I am tipsy, but we gone act like I know exactly what I am talking about... K? K.
2020 had so much value for me. For others it may have been the biggest suck fest of their life. But for me? It changed my life in ways that I would never take back. When 2020 first started, I was in the planning phase of making the biggest move of my life to New Orleans. As I've already spoken about, New Orleans has my heart in so many different ways that one probably wouldn't understand. But, New Orleans for me was my growth and that city will forever have a piece of me. But prior to the move, I was so excited for my future. Jeremy and I were in such an amazing space and we were so ready to move in together and start our lives together. There was so much hope at the beginning of 2020, more hope than I've ever had in life. 2020 was the start of a new decade. A new chapter. It was the start of something new and fresh. My plans were to go back to school, find a job in a lively place full of good vibes and southern hospitality, and find my son a good school for him to attend. Things were going to be so good and I was ready for it. Along with being with the love of my life. Jeremy made me feel so safe and so secure in my decision to move. I came to terms with the fact that I would no longer be up under my parents and I was excited for that! I was 23, turning 24 that year and I had the world at my feet. I was the girl living her dream. Middle school sweetheart came back into my life, I was about to move to a very unique city that held weight in the hearts of my man, my mom, and my papa (rest his soul), I had my baby boy by my side, everything was perfect. And you know what? Contrary to what you may think, none of that went away once Covid hit. Seriously. I think 2020 was the last year of my life where my hope and faith was the strongest. Where I felt completely secure. Where I felt safe. Now that the world has turned upside down and I finally see that things will never be the same, that safe feeling I had is long gone. EVEN with Covid, at that time, we all probably just thought it was a virus and yeah it's bad, but we will be okay. I remember when Trump got on the TV and said that we needed to quarantine for 3 weeks to slow the curve or whatever it was. I remember the ram shacked selves. I remember driving and it looking like a ghost town. I remember having an uneasy feeling. But that time was probably my happiest and safest. Now that we all know what's really going on, all of this change is so much more than Covid. Since the end of 2020, things have not been the same in this world and never will be. That is why that feeling of safety and comfort is gone. Because I watched the world completely change before my eyes. Every year since 2020 shit has gotten worse in this world and I am NOT here for it. Do you hear me? NOT! Back in 2020, shit had not really set in. I think we all were just living off of hope and our faith in the Most High, if you're a believer. It felt like yeah things are bad now, but soon it will be ok. And life showed us that, that is not the case. I just want that hope back. I just want to feel like things will be ok again...
I truly miss the hope that I had that year. I don't know that I will ever get that back....
I promise, there is nothing more pleasing to me, than knowing that I finally got myself back. For those of you who know me, ya'll know how much heart ache and pain I endured for a good chunk of my adult life. Dealing with everything I went through took a toll on who I was as a person. I completely and absolutely lost myself and had no identity anymore. My identity was pleasing every other person but myself. My identity was making sure everyone else was happy, but myself. I was lost. I was broken. It has taken me damn near 3 years to find myself again and realize what it is I really want out of life and out of myself. You know why I am able to do this? Because I am in a relationship where I don't have to fight for happiness everyday. Where I am being taken care of in every aspect. So I have been able to focus on me more and focus on the things I want in life and not someone else. I am growing up should I say. That young naïve version of me has died and gone into the body of a young girl who is just barely starting out. I have blossomed and found my passions, my desires, my happiness. I used to hate life so much and myself. I used to hate everything about waking up in the mornings. Nothing was right. Everything was wrong. I cried almost everyday and wondered when would these days end? But now, I have courage and light in my eyes. I wake up every morning happy to be alive. I wake up to a man that tells me "Grand Rising, baby" every day without a doubt. I wake up to my kids and my coffee. I wake up to our home that we made ours. I wake up, I look in the mirror and I smile. I no longer hate life. I no longer hate me. Because I realized that now that I am accepting what I deserve, I can accept myself. Before, I accepted dirt and I felt like trash because of it. I accepted less in all ways in my life at a point and I was ok with less. I was ok with bare minimum. But now? I strive for greatness because I am great. I have more confidence now than I had before. Giving up social media was the biggest boost in my confidence. I was so shallow at a point that I needed the people in the virtual world to validate me. I needed those websites to show me off. Hey world, look at me. I am beautiful, I am great, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. Knowing good and damn well I felt the opposite of a lot of things I was posting. Now? I have my OWN website. It's mine. Every month I pay for this. I paid for my domain. I have my OWN place to show myself off. I don't need Facebook or Instagram. Here? I can do and say what I want. I can tailor this to fit my needs and I love it. I love that I've built the confidence to actually post on my website often and take control of my passions. This is what I love. I love writing and sharing my knowledge and stories. I am doing this for me. Whether people read it or not, I am going to post it because I love it and I am secure in it. I am not checking for likes or comments. I don't need none of that. My cousin/sister who is also one of my biggest supporters and motivators, told me the other day, keep up the good work, quality always gets it's recognition. My mom told me how proud of me she was with everything I am doing lately and with my website. Real people. Real recognition. Real love. Not some double tap from a stranger that could give two shits about me. I have become a better person to myself and I stopped allowing fakeness into my life and it feels amazing. I have stopped allowing myself to down me. I don't down myself anymore. I don't complain about myself anymore. I am unapologetically and humbly Janecia. I don't boast or brag. I love myself and my accomplishments of course, but I am not looking to make anyone envy me because of anything I am doing. I am just living my life now. And no one, ever again, will come in the way of that.
What a time it is to be alive. So, as I talked about in my last post, we just got a new car. It was time to go on a road trip. San Antonio was not planned, but we got in the car and just decided to drive. We left the house with the clothes on our backs and enough food for a 4 month old to last a while. We had no particular destination, we just knew we wanted to ride & vibe. Now, you have to remember that Houston is an hour away from itself. So a in city drive would've been a road trip in itself. We hit i-10 and we were rollin'. In and out of traffic, switching lanes, music blasting, sun blazing, but the air was chilly. It was such a vibe. Next thing you know, we were in Katy, then next thing you know, we stop at a little gas station right outside of Sealy. I grabbed coffee and donuts because it was round 5:30PM and I was getting tired. That road will make me sleepy, so for sure I needed a pick-me-up. Well, once we were back on the road, Jeremy said "baby, looks like San Antonio is closer than the house, wanna go to San Antonio?" I was like, HELL YES. I said, well, we don't have any clothes or anything and he was like, hey, sometimes it happens. I loved that. The spontaneous nature of my other half just makes feel all bubbly inside. So, being that I am the proactive one, I immediately got on my phone and found us a decent room for the night at the Holiday Inn. Once we reached San Antonio, we checked into our room and got ourselves situated before venturing out. Fed and changed the baby, emptied the bladders, and headed back out. To be honest, I don't think either of us were expecting to see much. It was a spur of the moment thing and we were both in a new city. We didn't know if there were going to be people out and about on COLD and windy night. We didn't know if there were going to be many out because of COVID. We didn't know any of that. So we hit the highway and headed to the downtown area. Being that I had never been to San Antonio as an adult or have any memory as a child there, I had no idea what to expect. It was a whole new world down there. The underpass had neon blue lights, there were horse and carriages that were decorated in bright pretty lights, and then, we seen the river walk. I've heard about the river walk, but never seen it myself. It was the most beautiful thing. We found a parking spot and headed out on foot with the stroller. We came to see that getting down to the river walk was not stroller friendly, but that didn't stop us. We carried that stroller up and down every stair case need be. We were going to explore by any means.
It was breathtaking. I was blown away by the water, the lit up hotel balconies, and the amazing and unique smells coming from each restaurant and bar that was on the river. There were people and kids everywhere and it was so lively. Like, life was not on pause because of everything going on in the world. As if, COVID did not exist. And honestly, I loved it. I love seeing people still living life safely despite the fear that is in the world right now. We saw live music at a nice restaurant that was outside of a hotel and we stopped to bask in the ambience. They were playing jazz and everyone around was enjoying every sound that came from it. As soon as we parked the stroller and stood aside to get a good listen, Jeremy grabbed me and pulled me close. He does this any time we are standing and experiencing something that we are both really enjoying. It's like silent reassurance that he wants me beside him while he is taking in whatever it is that is happening at the moment that's grabbing his attention and making him smile.
It was a very romantic and beautiful scenery. Both Jeremy and I are spontaneous and adventurous. Him more than me, but we both have those qualities. It's nice when we do little things like this. That road trip was inexpensive and fun. Not to mention, again, spur of the moment. I felt like I was on a cloud just coasting through life with my little family.
It is such a blessing to be surrounded by beautiful kids I created. A man that I adore and adores me, and knowing that no matter what, we are all in this life together. Having this human experience together. My soul is content and happy
I needed this weekend. Open road, open land, beautiful sunsets, city lights, and us.
Don't worry San Antonio, Jeremy and I will be making our appearance again soon! Next time with a balcony river view room, no kids, and all the grown and sexy vibes.
Until next time....
I am in a place in life where I am starting to realize more than ever that I am worth more than I allow. I care so much for other people and I just do not get the same energy and honestly I am so sick of that shit. I am tired of being sweet and caring. I am tired of allowing people to play me like a fool. I am tired of allowing others to make me FEEL ANYTHING. I am tired of having to explain myself in certain situations. I am sick and tired. The thing about me is that I always feel like I need to explain myself to others. I always feel like I need to explain why I did something, why I said something, etc. I KNOW ME. First of all, a liar is something I am NOT. I tell this to my partner all the time. One thing about me, is that I am not about to sit around and lie for no reason. Sometimes, we all tell lies, but for good reason. But, I don't sit around and lie for fun or lie to make myself look better. If I said something, if I did something, bet your ASS there was a reason for it. And if somebody comes and asks me did I say this or did I do that, I surely in the fu*k did. And what about it? Like hell no. I am sick of this running around the bush trying to help others save face and look good. If you are doing some stuff that's questionable, I am calling it out. But for the most part from today forward, I am done with people. I'm sure I am the topic of many conversations, that's why I deleted my social media. Because as much as I stay to myself, people always have something to say. I have tried to keep a good relationship with a lot of people in my life, but enough is enough if the same energy isn't being displayed. I am tired of being the "nice one". If you aren't matching my energy, I will peacefully make my exit. That goes for the way people are with my child as well. If you are not putting out the energy for him, we will not be pushing out that energy for you. Period.
I want a safe and peaceful 2022. I have so many things to look forward to. We just got a new 2019 Camry Luxury Edition car. Beautiful, smooth sailing car. I just got a new job paying great money with amazing benefits and perks. I graduate this year as a Medical Biller & Coder. We are looking to move into a house this year if possible. Things are really looking up.
As far as personal development, I grew so much is 2021 and I plan to make even more personal development changes. I am preparing my mind and heart to be an amazing wife once we are in the place in life we are wanting to be before getting married, I am working on my overall physical health, I am working on my mental health, and I am learning to let things go. But one thing I have struggles with is learning to let people go. Well, today I decided that I am truly done wanting anything to do with people who don't want anything to do with me. I have to cut people out of my life who will get in the way of my mental health space. I advise other people to do the same...
Tipsy Talk | He Has My Heart Foreal...
Omg. So yall already know these tipsy talks are very random and probably not politically correct. Punctuation might be off. Spelling may not be all the way correct. But ya know what? It's okay. Sooooo yeah.
Man. **inserts crying face emoji**.
Yall just DONT KNOW. This man, this man caught my eye when I was 11 years old in the hallways of Paul Revere Middle School. 11 years old. I COULD JUST CRY RIGHT NOW.
I still remember the day he first spoke to me. It was easy to remember because it was my 12th birthday. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was asking somebody for some money because it was my birthday and he passed by me and said "happy birthday. I would give you a dollar but I dont got it." GIRRRRLLLLLLL. I just about melted in my whole body. Whatever my body was feeling in that moment, I knew nothing of it. I had never felt that feeling before, ever. When I heard that New Orleans accent, I almost died right there on the pale, cold, hard, middle school floor. I knew of him, but had never exchanged words until that day. He was so fine, walking up and down them hallways all year like he owned them, and he did. He was in 7th grade and I was in 6th. So of course, naturally, somebody older than me who's fine, funny, and got that accent? Lord Jesus, help me. Now, I know what ya'll are thinking. Her little fast ass at 11 years old feeling all these different ways. Ehh, yeah yeah, laugh it up... and bite me!
It was always something about him that just, caught my eye and made me feel good. But, obviously I didn't have classes with him because we were in different grades. But I saw him in passing, and I asked my other friends about him. He was just, my everything, without even knowing it. Now, I wasn't a ugly kid by any means. But lets just say I did have a little glow up. So, in 6th grade, I wasn't as confident as I was in High School. So, OF COURSE, I never approached him. But there he was, on my birthday, actually speaking to me. After an entire year.
My 6th grade year was just 2 years after Katrina, and so my middle school was filled with people who came from Louisiana. It was a whole new world for people in Texas. Especially for kids in school. Here are these people from a whole different world it feels like. Bringing uniqueness to our city and schools. I loved it. I didn't love their situation, but I loved being around people who at the time to me seemed like they were from a different world. I was fascinated. But it wasn't JUST that he was from Louisiana that fascinated me, it was his demeanor. His aura. His light. His smile. His... everything. Everything about him sent chills up my body and at that time, I was so young. I didn't understand what was happening within my mind and my heart. All I knew was, I needed him. I needed him in my life and I didn't care how he was there. As an associate, as a friend, as a boyfriend, I didn't care. I just needed him to be somebody who I interacted with on a daily. My heart ached on days we didn't speak. On days I didn't see him clowning in the hallway. All I did was look for him in the sea of people everyday in the hallways.
Yeah, I know. Yall probably think I was some little nerd ass girl being all weird and shit. No ma'am. I've had game since I came out the womb. LOL! Nah, foreal though. I wasn't desperate for nobody. I've always had MY PICK. Whoever I wanted, I got. But, Jeremy was different. Yeah, he was my first love (which I'll get into detail about how we got together for the first time in another post), but even though he was my first love, before we even got together, I knew something was different about him. It shows now more than ever. I guess my heart always knew. Because back then, he was always clowning and being funny. That's what everyone knew him as. Even when we finally exchanged Myspace names and all back then, I was still only 12 years old. I didn't really see the difference in him from other dudes because I was a youngin'. Not only that, but I had nobody to compare him to. He was the first boy I let into my heart, my mind, and the first boy I made my boyfriend. Looking back, I see how he was different. Even though he was still a little immature. He was still more mature than any dude in my class. He still called me all the sweet names I loved to hear. He still saw me for who I was. He still saw the potential in me that I am today. He still chose me back then. Out of all the other girls he could've had. He chose me. Yeah, we didn't last, obviously. We were so young. But, we knew then, just as we know now.
I had my time to go out in the world and find other love. Which I found. We didn't always know we would end up together. There was a period of time when I didn't think we'd ever speak again. And, in a way, came to terms with that.
Fast forward to years and years later, here we are. Together, with a family, a beautiful daughter and my handsome son he calls his own. If you would've told me this when I was 12, I would've passed THE F*CK OUT. A life and kids with Jeremy?! The Jeremy from the 7th grade hall? With the heavy accent? That Jeremy?! You lyin'. LOL. I would've never believed it. But here it is. I am living my absolute dream. This man has been everything I've dreamed of and more. He found me again, broken from a really hard relationship and he helped me put my pieces back together. He swooped me up and has treated me as queen ever sense.
I got my happily ever after and I will FIGHT like hell to keep it.
It's almost the end of the year and here I am still feeling anxious about something new and new changes. Anyone who knows me knows I am afraid of change. Going into the year 2022 is a little frightening for me. This year was a roller coaster of different changes and emotions and for ONCE I would just love if things could be good and stay good for a few years, ya know? Am I being unreasonable? Probably... but I mean, it sucks when things are constantly changing. When things start to fall in place I get skeptical and I don't like that. The rug has been ripped from under me a few times in life after things started going well. The last thing I need is good things to come and bad things to follow. I just got a new job paying more than I've ever made since I entered the workforce and I start in a few weeks. My partner is working a steady job, my kids are doing good. Things are really starting to fall in place. 2022 is looking like a year of growth for us and it feels really good. On the other end, it's scary! Since 2020, things have been weird and backwards in life as I'm sure we all can relate to. Now 2 years into this "pandemic" I am getting my footing and finding a place of balance in life. All I pray, is that things stay steady for my life for as long as it can before things get rocky as we all know it will get. Because why? it's life.
This upcoming year I am making sure to keep myself in a peaceful state of mind. Yes, I have a little anxiety about the new year, but I am vowing to keep my head on straight. I've been through a lot and I deserve the way life is going right now. As long as I keep God in the center and my focus tight, I will be okay. I will be able to handle those rocky days. This year, I spent the whole year pregnant pretty much. I was stressed, tired, sick, depressed, and all over the place. I am excited to start off a new year with a new job, new mindset, and new goals. Yall know me, I am not a New Years Resolution person. The reason for that is because it's so cliché. So instead, I write a list of intentions. Things I am intending to do, but won't beat myself up for if it doesn't happen. This year I intend to make sure to stay positive, peaceful, and focused.
This year I am going to stay focused on God, my family, myself, my blog and school. Not only that, but I want to make sure that we are being smarter about money and investing in our futures. I've opened up a few savings accounts and they are ready for funding ;). I am ready for better, and I'm going to get it. We all deserve more than whatever we are getting allowing ourselves to receive right now. I don't say that in a cocky way at all. I just mean that we all need to get into the mindset that we need to do better in our lives and in our financial decisions. Financial freedom is out there for us all, and this year, I am grabbing it by the reigns! And yes baby, ya'll will be along for the ride. I have tons of content planned for the new year with the new things I will be implementing in my life. I hope I can inspire and make changes.
Love you all. Peace.