Building trust once it has been broken
Today’s topic is Forgiveness, Trust and Communication.
Have you ever went through something with your partner that you thought you would never overcome? Cheating? Lying? Emotional Abuse? Something that was so bad that tore your relationship apart, or almost did? I think we’ve all been there. Here’s the thing, most of us make excuses for a long time for things that our partner may have done or is doing so that we feel like what they’re doing is not so bad. Or maybe we make excuses like "well it kind of was my fault” blaming ourselves for what our partner has put us through. Or maybe it was your fault and the both of you did wrong. First and foremost I want to start by saying usually, it isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself as a reason to stay with your partner don’t blame yourself and make excuses so other people won’t judge you. Be honest. I love this person and we are going to work through it. ESPECIALLY in a marriage. Don’t put up a fight with other people or your inner self trying to cover up the truth. The truth is you love this person and you made a vow to stick by their side through thick and thin. Now I’m not saying hey stick with this person if they are physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally abusing you. That’s a different topic for a different day; I’m saying if your partner did something that was a mistake and pretty bad, but there is still something inside of you that says "we can make it work” and your partner is willing to change, go to therapy, pray, or whatever it is that they do that will help them change, I’m saying make it work. We should have the heart to forgive the way God forgives us. We should have a heart that loves unconditionally no matter the circumstances. A pure love. If you're in a situation like this where you're dealing with infidelity, lying, lack of communication, arguing constantly, and you feel like you want to give up, please take a step back and evaluate the situation. If you decide to take your partner back, fix what was broken, tie up loose ends, then the first step towards mending things is forgiveness.
FORGIVE YOUR PARTNER. Don’t be afraid to forgive. Forgiving is not only for your partners sake, but yours as well. If you don’t forgive your partner for what they’ve done, you might as well poke a hole in the marriage boat and sink now. If you let your anger and sadness overwhelm you, you can end up being spiteful and hateful towards your partner and things could really start to get ugly. You want to be able to love your partner and know truly in your heart, they did what they did, but I forgave them and I’m willing to move forward.
BUILDING TRUST. Start building trust again with your partner. This step here is mainly for ones dealing with infidelities. Start somewhere. Even if that means talking everyday for 15 minutes about what your partner has to change, going to therapy, or even reading blogs online asking for advice on how to build trust.. start somewhere. Understand that this is going to take a while to do and it will get frustrating at times, but the biggest way to show that your building trust is by actions. After you’ve set boundaries and you’ve built a foundation where trust can be rebuilt, give your partner some leeway. It will be HARD! Trust me, I’ve been there. But not allowing them to be in certain situations where they can show you that they’ve overcome those things and you can now trust them, is only going to make things worse. You have to allow your partner to show you that they can be trusted. Otherwise you’ll never really know if they can.
COMMUNICATION. Start communicating better. Plan dates with your partner. Plan sit downs with your partner. Ask them how their day was at work. Make conversation. I know that after you’ve been together for so long sometimes things start becoming more of a job and less of a relationship. Sit down and talk with your partner DAILY. Learn how to listen before you speak when your partner is talking and allow yourself adequate time to respond with a response that is only positive. Don’t shout negative things at your partner even if you feel you are right. Say how you feel without it ridiculing your partner and allow them to say how they feel. Don’t over talk each other. LISTEN first. Make it a habit to have daily sit downs and talk about your issues or even talk about good things! It’s healthy to talk and let our emotions and feelings out. You’ll get to know your partner way more than you think when you have good communication.
MOVING FORWARD. Once your at a place in your relationship where you have forgiven your partner and they’ve showed you that they are trustworthy, your communication is better be your able to talk about past mistakes without feeling so much sadness, it’s time to move forward. We are all compelled to throw up what our partner did anytime we get upset, and that is WRONG. Forgiving them means you made a choice to forgive that mistake they made. No sense in continuing to make them suffer for it. Move past the mistake and don’t look back! It will take time, effort on both sides, prayer and a lot of sacrifice of emotions; but it is worth it. Having a healthy relationship with your partner after a storm is one of the best feelings ever. Trust me, I’ve been there.
Hug your partner today, give them a compliment, tell them you love them and will always be there for them. BE a kind and gentle spirit.
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Just think of me as Cupid's rival. 'Cause over here we don't just use our hearts. We combine the mind, the heart, and the soul for an epic love experience. Stay a while.