insecurities | being comfortable with who you are and what you expect out of a relationship + take two on love language
Hi friends. I know, I know. It is July *inserts awkward smile emoji*. I have not posted since April and I feel really bad about that! I started school recently and as we all know this pandemic has been tough on us all. Little to no motivation with a lot of the things we used to do, even for pleasure. I decided to stop being so hard on myself about posting and try to post once a month at least, maybe twice.
Today I have a topic that has been requested by a friend of mine and it is based on Insecurities. Insecure, the word that we accept sometimes when we tell it to ourselves, but a major insult if someone else calls us out on it. I am very familiar with the insecurities club and sometimes I can still be that way which is not good. From experience, insecurities stem from many different avenues. We can become insecure from being bullied, being cheated on, being mentally and verbally abused, comparing ourselves to others, etc. The list goes on and on. The thing is though, insecurities also stem from a small amount of weakness that we all have within ourselves. No, I am not calling anyone who is insecure weak, but we do have to take accountability that sometimes that weak part of our minds becomes hijacked by things we've heard, people we've compared ourselves to, and then that insecurity starts to push through until it becomes a big deal.
Here is my take on taking your life back and kicking insecurities in the ass: L O V E YOURSELF FIRST. That seems harder than it sounds, but it should not be. We have to understand that we need to love ourselves before we attempt to love anyone else. When we love ourselves, TRULY love ourselves, insecurities are less likely to be an issue; but a lot of us don't really love ourselves. What I mean when I say that is that we may say "oh yea, I love myself", but do you? Be honest with yourself. When you look in the mirror what do you say to yourself? "Damn, I look good!" "I may be fat, but shit I be working these outfits honey!" "I am beautiful." "I am handsome." "I have pure intentions and a beautiful heart." Or do you say things like "Damn, I wish I was skinny." "That girl on Instagram I saw today looked better in this than me." "I need to start wearing make-up more, maybe that'll solve this." If you speak negatively about yourself to yourself, how do you expect to overcome those insecurities? I truly believe that before entering into any relationship, you have to be in tune with your self love and self worth. Make sure before you enter into a relationship that you are confident in who you are.
Before entering a relationship, have a talk with yourself. Learn who you are first and know what you are comfortable with and what you expect out of a person. The reason knowing what to expect from a person goes hand in hand with insecurities, is because a lot of the time you can get with someone and they call you insecure because you don't like that they did this or didn't do that. They feel like you're asking too much of them because or you need this type of love or reassurance because you're insecure, but no. Do NOT allow someone to tell you that you are insecure or "too much" when you know exactly what you want! This will also eliminate staying in relationships for longer than you need. When you are confident in what you want, you don't play around with people who are not mature enough to love correctly in relationships. Know your worth before stepping into anything so when somebody tells you that you're insecure you can say "AHT AHT!!" No I am NOT, I just know what I want and what I deserve and that does not make me insecure. Stand on what you deserve baby you are gold. Also before becoming one with someone else, understand the things about you that need work on. Is it your attitude, are you truly insecure, do you have trust issues? There are so many different things that we don't like to admit to ourselves about ourselves and that is something that is crucial before entering into a relationship. If you are really insecure, that can be a big turn off for the person you are in a relationship with. Trust me, I know! Is your attitude bad with people for no reason? Maybe you need to work on yourself. Try to be a nicer person to yourself and love yourself. The more good energy you put into yourself, the more you are likely to put good energy out into the world.
I know I've talked previously about love language and I thought I'd speak on love language again in regards to insecurities because this is a big one too. UNDERSTAND and know what makes you feel loved and appreciated. We all have different love languages and when we are not in tune with it, it can make us think we are having problems in a relationship when really it could be something as simple as not feeling loved properly by the person you are with. When you find out what you love, express that to them! Give them a chance to know what it is you love and see if they will comply. Sometimes all it takes is a little communication. Also, sometimes that person is one step ahead of you and they know what you like before you do. If you are with a person who listens, watches & observes body language, they will already know what to do to make you feel good and happy. If you are not being loved properly and your attitude reflects that, they could say that you're insecure or you're not happy with your relationship. When really, it all boils down to the fact that you are not being loved in the way that makes you feel loved, so make sure you communicate that to them so that you both have an understanding. If you listen, you are good to go. If they do not listen, then you know what to do! It is 2020 and we do not need to be wasting time with people who cannot love us correctly and make us feel like we are asking too much or being insecure when really, they are just not loving you the way you want to be loved.
Before I go, here are some tips to help you increase self love and getting rid of insecurities (even those insecurities brought on by toxic relationships)
-Try out "self care". Self care is a necessity in my life. I usually dedicate a whole day to myself to love on my body and care for myself. Self care is tailored to what makes you feel good and happy. For me, that is reading, taking a hot shower, washing my hair, shaving, using smell good body oil to moisturize myself, watching a show that I love and gives me good feels. Just a day of loving on me and taking care of my mental health. I even journal as well. Since I am in school and have household I am maintaining, I stopped being so hard on myself to journal daily and started scheduling one day a week for weekly journaling to talk about my week and express anything I've wanted to express.
-Affirmations. Affirmations are very important! Get some sticky notes and write down affirmations for yourself and stick them around the house. On your computer, on your mirror,on your night stand. Tell yourself good things about you! "I am beautiful!" "I am worthy." "I am strong." "I will finish school." "I will get that promotion." Speak positively to yourself about yourself and smile while doing it!
-Praying. Praying is important in my life. Ask the Lord to remove toxicity from your life. Ask him to guide you in the right direction and walk with you. Cover you. Help you be a better woman/Man of God so that you can be a better woman or man for him. When you are better for him, he will give you the strength and wisdom to be better for yourself, and for your family.
-Do what you love. Daily. If there is something that you love to do, make sure you incorporate that in your daily life! When you do what you love, you are a happier person all around! When you are happy, your mind is filled with positive things and you have little time to worry or stress over those small insecurities.
-Read self help books. Everyone needs a little help every once in a while. Reading a self help book does not make you weak or lost. Sometimes these books can really help especially if you are dealing with relationship traumas. You can find a lot of different books and resources to help you through a bad relationship and/or break up.
That is all I have for now. I love yall. <3
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Just think of me as Cupid's rival. 'Cause over here we don't just use our hearts. We combine the mind, the heart, and the soul for an epic love experience. Stay a while.