Confronting Your Partner About Why You think You're Not Connecting Like Before | Yes, Sex is More Important than You Think | Going Back to the Drawing Board - Part One
I’m not gonna lie guys, this is a topic that is so important to me. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a sex therapist. It was something that I was passionate about and still am. However, we aren’t in the times where people will call a therapist first. We are in the age of the internet, books, blogs, the list goes on. Most people, especially those on a budget, will go through other sources first before calling a therapist. Therapy is honestly the last resort for some people. But for me, writing has always been my number one passion. So, I figured why not mix the two passions in one? Ya know. Again, disclaimer I am not a licensed therapist. Any advice given on this blog is strictly my opinion and my experience. Do with it what you will.
So let’s get into it!!
First, let’s discuss the last post. Remember when I told you guys to sit down, write out why you think your relationship isn’t working like it used to. What happened? What went wrong? Did you do it? Hmmmm. I won’t judge if you didn’t. But I’m telling you, it helps.
So, if you did, it’s time to break it down to the spouse. Let them know you want to have a discussion with them and allow them to feel comfortable. Set the mood. Grab some wine, some dinner and let them know there’s some things you wanna talk with them about. Let them know it isn’t bad, you just have some things you’d like to discuss. Because let’s face it, when we label things bad when referencing conversations with our spouse, it makes them check out a little. I don’t like having talks about bad things. There’s nothing bad about conversations in a marriage or relationship. Even when it’s ugly, it’s never bad.
Make sure when you’re conveying your point, it doesn’t seem as if you’re attacking them. We never want to be the aggressor. If you’ve been in your relationship for a while, you know what handling anything with aggression isn’t a good thing and the reaction you get isn't the same as if you came correct, you feel me? So, make sure that when you come to you're partner, you did everything right. And, it hurts me to say, but I say this because if for some reason you have to call it quits, you know that you tried your hardest. So, have this discussion. Lay it all out on the table. Explain to them what it is that you think happened. Let them speak. Have this time to get everything out. Regardless of how the conversation goes, don't act on anything. Sit on it for a few days. Really ponder on how it happened. If it went good, that's amazing! But, let's say it didn't. Well, you have a few days to sit with it. Think about your next move. In the next post, I will touch on what to do next in a few different scenarios. But, marriage/relationships are work. Things take time. Don't react too suddenly. It's ok to feel. Feel the emotions that are brought on by the much needed conversation. Give yourself a few days to figure out your next move, and within that time, I will have something for you.
Now, lets get to the good part. Sex. Cause, let's face it, sex is always the good part? Amiright? Well, let me let you all know that sometimes, for some people, having sex with their partner is dreadful. There could be so many reasons why, though. Today I want to talk about why it's so important. It's said that men cheat with their other head, and women usually cheat for something deeper, which usually makes it worse. Ahhhh, nope! Don't even do it. Don't even say it. Yes, there is a double standard. And yes, I do agree to an certain degree. See, from my experiences with friends and family, I've noticed the same trend others have noticed. Most women cheat emotionally first. Then if it even gets that far, they take it to the next level. Men can meet a stranger right now this second, think she's fine, and next thing you know, they're in the bed with them. I mean, neither is good if you ask me! But, why does that happen a lot of the time? We need to ask ourselves first, what's going on in the bedroom. Because let's say that woman is getting everything she needs from her man, but he isn't connecting well with her in the bedroom? She might end up going out and looking for a man who wants to take his time with her and connect with her on a deeper level. It's the passion that's lacking. Trust me right now when I say, that passion is so important in the bedroom. I can't even express to you how important it is. Sex is more than just in and out in and out. Sex is more than just grinding for however long and rolling over and going to bed. Sex is a connection. Sex is an exchange of energies. Sex is beautiful. It is something that should be cherished. Now, I can understand once you've been in a relationship for a while, you may not see it that way. But, lets take the time you've put into that relationship and throw it out the window. Let's really look at this as if you two just met. That's the type of fire you need to keep in your bedroom. Why? Because, when you connect on that level, your heart, mind, body and soul, surrenders to that other person. You feel alive. You feel lightening through your body to your inner core. It isn't just sex, it's a connection. A deep one. And without that connection, most relationships WILL fail.
Once the years start to take a toll, TRY NEW SHIT. Look, Jeremy and I may have known each other for 15 years, but we didn't get in the bedroom until we were together as adults. It's been almost 3 years since we've been together and things are still fiery. But, me being the sexual being I am, I have a plan to spice things up in the next few months. New lingerie, toys, and more. Why? Because I think about my relationship and I think past the now. I realize that we've been together almost 3 years. I've realized that things could start to lose it's fire. So what do I do? I spice it up/take it to the next level before things get dull. Because I care. I care about me, him, and us as a unit. A lot of people stop caring about their spouse, sexually. They stop sending those juicy texts. They stop wearing the lingerie. They stop warming the other person up before GO time. Not me. I care about my man and his happiness especially in the bed room. Am I saying this is going to keep a man or woman? Hell no. Only thing that keeps someone is someone who wants that. But, I am saying that when things start to go south in the relationship, my first look is what is going on in the bedroom. To some, that may seem shallow. But, if it seems shallow to you, it's because you view sex as a shallow activity.
So, let's get reconnected in the bed. If your sex life is struggling, try some new things.
Buy that sexy lace unit for him, wine and dine her, send those sexy messages, add a little romance with candles and roses. Touch each other. Be one with one another. Relearn what turns your partner on. Relearn their body. If you've been together a while, I am sure your partner's body has changed some. Learn it, again. Touch them slowly and watch how their body reacts to each place you touch softly. Watch their facial expressions. Put in time and effort. We all love a nice rough quickie here and there. But, nothing in this world can even compare to a passionate night of love between those sheets with your soulmate. That connection makes a huge difference.
Okay, so, that's all for today. Trust me, there is more to come!!
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Just think of me as Cupid's rival. 'Cause over here we don't just use our hearts. We combine the mind, the heart, and the soul for an epic love experience. Stay a while.